IMctOHAM YOUNG UNtVCIWrT^
H^OVO. UTAH
Digitized by the Internet Archive
in 2011 with funding from
Brigham Young University
http://www.archive.org/details/ladywindermeresf1904wild
LADY WINDERMERE S FAN
TO
THE DEAR MEMORY
OF
ROBERT EARL OF LYTTON
IN AFFECTION
AND
ADMIRATION
THE PERSONS OF THE PLAY
LORD WINDERMERE
LORD DARLINGTON
LORD AUGUSTUS LORTON
MR. DUMBY
MR. CECIL GRAHAM
MR. HOPPER
PARKER, Butler
LADY WINDERMERE '
THE DUCHESS OF BERWICK
LADY AGATHA CARLISLE
LADY PLYMDALE
LADY STUTFIELD
LADY JEDBURGH
MRS. COWPER-COWPER
MRS. ERLYNNE
ROSALIE, Mftid
THE SCENES OF THE PLAY
Act I. Morning-room in Lord Windermere s
house.
Act II. Drawing-room in Lord Windermere'' 8
house.
Act III. Lord Darlington's rooms.
Act IV. Same as Act L
Time : TTie Present,
Place : London,
TTie action of the play takes place within twenty-
fon>r hours^ beginning on a Tuesday afternoon at
five o^locky and ending the next day at 1.30 p.m.
LONDON : ST, JAMES'S THEATRE
Lessee and Manager: Mr, George Alexander
February ^2nd, 1892
Lord Windermere . .
Lord Darlington . . .
Lord Augustus Lorton .
Mr. Cecil Graham . .
Mr. Dumby . . . . .
Mr. Hopper
Parker (Butler) . • .
Lady Windermere . .
The Duchess of Berwick
Lady Agatha Carlisle .
Lady Plymdale • . .
Lady Jedburgh . . .
Lady Stutfield . . .
Mrs. Cowper-Cowpee
Mrs. Erlynne . . . .
Rosalie (Maid) , • •
Mr. George Alexander.
Mr, Nutcomhe Gould.
Mr. H. H, Vincent.
Mr. Ben Webster.
Mr. Vane-Tempest.
Mr. Alfred Holies,
Mr. V. Sansbujy.
Miss Lily Hanbury.
Miss Fanny Coleman,
Miss Laura Graves.
Miss Granville,
Miss B. Page.
Miss Madge Gh'dlestone,
Miss A. De Winton.
Miss Marion Terry,
Miss Winifred Dolan,
\
FIRST ACT
SCENE
Morning -room of Lord Windermere^ s house in
Carlton House Terrace, Doors C. and R. Bureau
with books and papers R. Sofa with small tea-table
L, Window opening on to terrace Z. Table R»
[lady WINDERMERE ts at table R.9
arranging roses in a blue bowlJ]
{Enter parker.]
PARKER
Is your ladyship at home this after*
noon?
LADY WINDERMERE
Yes — who has called ?
PARKER
Lord Darlington, my lady.
A 1
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT I. LADY WINDERMERE
[Hesttaies for a moment J\ Show him
up — and I 'm at home to any one who
calls.
PARKER
Yes, my lady.
\Exit C]
LADY WINDERMERE
It 's best for me to see him before to-
night. I m glad he 's come.
[Enter parker C]
PARKER
Lord Darlington.
[Enter lord Darlington C]
[Exit PARKER.]
LORD DARLINGTON
How do you do, Lady Windermere ?
LADY WINDERMERE
How do you do. Lord Darlington?
No, I can't shake hands with you. My
hands are all wet with these roses.
2
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
Aren't they lovely ? They came up act l
from Selby this morning.
LORD DARLINGTON
They are quite perfect. ^Sees a fan
lying on the table.'] And what a wonder-
ful fan 1 May I look at it ?
LADY WINDERMERE
Do. Pretty, isn't it I It's got my
name on it, and everything. I have only
just seen it myself. It's my husband's
birthday present to me. You know
to-day is my birthday ?
LORD DARLINGTON
No ? Is it really ?
LADY WINDERMERE
Yes, I'm of age to-day. Quite an
important day in my life, isn't it ? That
is why I am giving this party to-night.
Do sit down. [Still arranging fiowers^
8
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT I. LORD DARLINGTON
[Sitting down.'] I wish I had known
it was your birthday. Lady Windermere.
I would have covered the whole street in
front of your house with flowers for you
to walk on. They are made for you.
[A sAort pause."]
LADY WINDERMERE
Lord Darlington, you annoyed me last
night at the Foreign Office. I am afraid
you are going to annoy me again.
LORD DARLINGTON
I, Lady Windermere ?
[Enter parker and footman C, with
tray and tea things^
LADY WINDERMERE
Put it there, Parker. That will do.
[Wipes her hands with her pocket-hand-
kerchief y goes to tea-table Z,, and sits
down.] Won't you come over, Lord
Darlington ?
[Exit PARKER C]
4
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
LORD DARLINGTON ACT L
[Takes chair and goes across L.Cl I
am quite miserable. Lady Windermere,
You must tell me what I did. [Sits
down at table X.]
LADY WINDERMERE
Well, you kept paying me elaborate
compliments the whole evening.
LORD DARLINGTON
[Smiling.'] Ah, nowadays we are all
of us so hard up, that the only pleasant
things to pay are compliments. They 're
the only things we can pay.
LADY WINDERMERE
[Shaking her head.] No, I am talking
very seriously. You mustn't laugh, I
am quite serious. I don't hke compli-
ments, and I don't see why a man should
think he is pleasing a woman enormously
when he says to her a whole heap of
things that he doesn't mean.
S
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT I. LORD DARLINGTON
Ah, but I did mean them. {^Takes tea
which she offers him.']
LADY WINDERMERE
[Gravely,'] I hope not. I should be
sorry to have to quarrel with you, Lord
Darlington. I like you very much, you
know that. But I shouldn't like you at
all if I thought you were what most
other men are. Believe me, you are
better than most other men, and I some-
times think you pretend to be worse.
LORD DARLINGTON
We all have our little vanities. Lady
Windermere.
LADY WINDERMERE
Why do you make that your special
one ? [Still seated at table LJ]
LORD DARLINGTON
[Still seated L.C.] Oh, nowadays so
many conceited people go about Society
6
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
pretending to be good, that I think it acti.
shows rather a sweet and modest disposi-
tion to pretend to be bad. Besides, there
is this to be said. If you pretend to be
good, the world takes you very seriously.
If you pretend to be bad, it doesn't.
Such is the astounding stupidity of
optimism.
LADY WINDERMERE
Don't you want the world to take you
seriously then, Lord Darhngton ?
LORD DARLINGTON
No, not the world. Who are the
people the world takes seriously? All
the dull people one can think of, from
the Bishops down to the bores. I should
like you to take me very seriously. Lady
Windermere, you more than any one
else in life.
LADY WINDERMERE
Why— why me ?
7
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT I. LORD DARLINGTON
\_A/ter a slight hesitation?^ Because 1
think we might be great friends. Let us
be great friends. You may want a friend
some day.
Lady windermere
Why do you say that ?
lord DARLINGTON
Oh ! — we all want friends at times.
LADY WINDERMERE
I think we're very good friends
akeady, Lord Darlington. We can
always remain so as long as you
don't
LORD DARLINGTON
Don't what ?
LADY WINDERMERE
Don't spoil it by saying extravagant
silly things to me. You think I am a
Puritan, I suppose ? Well, I have some-
8
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
thing of the Puritan in me. I was ACTL
brought up like that. I am glad of it.
My mother died when I was a mere
child. I lived always with Lady Julia,
my father's elder sister, you know. She
was stern to me, but she taught me what
the world is forgetting, the difference
that there is between what is right and
what is wrong. She allowed of no com-
promise. I allow of none.
LORD DARLINGTON
My dear Lady Windermere I
LADY WINDERMERE
[Leaning back on the so/aJ] You look
on me as being behind the age. — Well, I
am! I should be sorry to be on the ,
same level as an age like this.
LORE DARLINGTON
You think the age very bad ?
LADY WINDERMERE
Yes. Nowadays people seeim to look
9
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACTL on life as a speculation. It is not a
speculation. It is a sacrament. Its
ideal is Love. Its purification is
sacrifice.
LORD DARLINGTON
[Smiling,'] Oh, anything is better
than being sacrificed 1
LADY WINDERMERE
[Leaning forward,] Don't say that
LORD DARLINGTON
I do say it. I feel it — I know it
[Enter parker C]
PARKER
The men want to know if they are
to put the carpets on the terrace for
to-night, my lady ?
LADY WINDERMERE
You don't think it wiU rain, Lord
Darlington, do you ?
10
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
LORD DARLINGTON ACT I.
I won't hear of its raining on your
birthday 1
LADY WINDERMERE
Tell them to do it at once, Parker.
[jExI^ PARKER C]
LORD DARLINGTON
[5//// seated.'] Do you think then — of
course I am only putting an imaginary
instance — do you think that in the case
of a young married couple, say about
two years married, if the husband sud-
denly becomes the intimate friend of a
woman of — well, more than doubtful
character — is always calling upon her,
lunching with her, and probably paying
her bills — do you think that the wife
should not console herself?
LADY WINDERMERE
[FrowniftgJ] Console herself?
11
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT L LORD DARLINGTON
Yes, I think she should — I think she
has the right.
LADY WINDERMERE
Because the husband is vile — should
the wife be vile also ?
LORD DARLINGTON
Vileness is a terrible word, Lady
Windermere.
LADY WINDERMERE
It is a terrible thing, Lord Darlington.
LORD DARLINGTON
Do you know I am afraid that good
people do a great deal of harm in this
world. Certainly the greatest harm they
do is that they make badness of such
extraordinary importance. It is absurd
to divide people into good and bad.
People are either charming or tedious.
I take the side of the charming, and you,
Id
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
Lady Windermere, can't help belonging act i.
to them.
LADY WINDERMERE
Now, Lord Darlington. [^Rising and
crossing R,y front of himJ] Don't stir, I
am merely going to finish my flowers.
[Goes to table i?.C.]
LORD DARLINGTON
\Rising and moving chair^ And I
must say I think you are very hard on
modem life, Lady Windermere. Of
course there is much against it, I admit.
Most women, for instance, nowadays,
are rather mercenary.
LADY WINDERIMERE
Don't talk about such people.
LORD DARLINGTON
Well then, setting aside mercenary
people, who, of course, are dreadful, do
you think seriously that women who
18
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT I. have committed what the world calls a
fault should never be forgiven ?
LADY WINDERMERE
[Sianding at table.'] I think they should
never be forgiven,
LORD DARLINGTON
And men? Do you think that there
should be the same laws for men as there
are for women ?
LADY WINDERMERE
Certainly 1
LORD DARLINGTON
I think life too complex a thing to be
seHled by these hard and fast rules.
LADY WINDERMERE
If we had ' these hard and fast rules,'
we should find life much more simple.
LORD DARLINGTON
You allow of no exceptions ?
14
LADY WINDERMERE S FAN
LADY WINDERMERE ACT I.
None 1
LORD DARLINGTON
Ah, what a fascinating Puritan you
are. Lady Windermere 1
LADY WINDERMERE
The adjective was unnecessary, Lord
Darlington,
LORD DARLINGTON
I couldn't help it. I can resist every-
thing except temptation.
LADY WINDERMERE
You have the modern affectation of
weakness.
LORD DARLINGTON
[Looking at herJ] It 's only an affecta-
tion, Lady Windermere.
[Enter parker C]
15
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT I. PARKER
The Duchess of Berwick and Lady
Agatha Carlisle.
{Enter the duchess of Berwick (ind
lADY AGATJIA CARLISLE C]
{Exit PARKER C]
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
{Coming down C, and shaking hands.]
Dear Margaret, I am so pleased to see
you. You remember Agatha, don*t you ?
{Crossing L,CJ] How do you do, Lord
Darlington ? I won't let you know my
daughter, you are far too wicked.
LORD DARLINGTON
Don't say that. Duchess. As a wicked
man I am a complete failure. Why,
there are lots of people who say I have
never really done anything wrong in the
whole course of my life. Of course they
only say it behind my back.
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
Isn't he dreadful ? Agatha, this is I^ord
16
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
Darlington. Mind you don't believe a act i.
word he says, [lord Darlington crossed
R.C] No^ no tea, thank you, deat*
[Crosses and sits on so/a,'\ We have just
had tea at Lady Markby's. Such bad
tea, too. It was quite undrinkable. I
wasn't at all surprised. Her own son-
in-law supplies it; Agatha is looking
forward so much to your ball to-night*
dear Margaret.
LADY WINDERMERE
[Seated Z.C] Oh, you mustn't think
it is going to be a ball. Duchess. It is
only a dance in honour of my birthday.
A small and early.
LORD DARLINGTON
[Standing L, C] Very small, very early,
and very select, Duchess.
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
[On sofa Z.] Of course it 's going to be
select. But we know thaty dear Margaret^
d-bout your house. It is really one of the
» 17
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT I. few houses in London where I can take
Agatha, and where I feel perfectly secure
about dear Berwick. I don't know what
society is coming to. The most dreadful
people seem to go everywhere. They
certainly come to my parties — the men
get quite furious if one doesn't ask them.
Really, some one should make a stand
against it.
LADY WINDERMERE
I will. Duchess. I will have no one
in my house about whom there is any
scandal.
LORD DARLINGTON
[^.C] Oh, don't say that, Lady
Windermere. I should never be ad-
mitted I [Sitting.']
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
Oh, men don't matter. With women
it is different. We're good. Some of
us are, at least. But we are positively
getting elbowed into the corner. Our
18
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
husbands would really forget our exist- actl
ence if we didn't nag at them from time
to time, just to remind them that we
have a perfect legal right to do so.
LORD DARLINGTON
It's a curious thing, Duchess, about
the game of marriage — a game, by the
way, that is going out of fashion — the
wives hold all the honours, and invariably
lose the odd trick.
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
The odd trick ? Is that the husband.
Lord Darlington ?
LORD DARLINGTON
It would be rather a good name for
the modern husband.
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
Dear Lord Darlington, how thoroughly
depraved you are 1
19
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT I. LADY WINDERMERE
Lord Darlington is trivial.
LORD DARLINGTON
Ah, don't say that, Lady Windermere.
IJiDY WINDERMERE
Why do you talk so trivially about life,
then ?
LORD DARLINGTON
Because I think that life is far too im-
portant a thing ever to talk seriously
about it. {^Moves up C]
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
What does he mean ? Do, as a con-
cession to my poor wits, Lord Darlington,
lu^t explaip to me what you really mean.
LORD DARLINGTON
\Coining down back of table. '\ I think
I had better not, Duchess. Nowadays
to be intelligible is to be found out.
Good-bye I \Shakes hands with duchess.]
SO
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
And now — \j^oes up stage] Lady Winder- actl
mere, good-bye. I may come to-night,
mayn't I ? Do let me come.
LADY WINDERMERE
[Standing up stage with lord darling*
TON.] Yes, certainly. But you are not
to say foolish, insincere things to people,
LORD DARLINGTON
[SmilingJ] Ah ! you are beginning to
reform me. It is a dangerous thing to
reform any one, Lady Windermere.
[BowSy and exit C]
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
[Who has risen, goes C] What a
charming, wicked creature 1 I like him
so much. I 'm quite delighted he 's gone !
How sweet you 're looking ! Where do
you get your gowns ? And now I must
tell you how sorry I am for you, dear
Margaret. [Crosses to sofa and sits with
LADY WINDERMERE.] Agatha, darling I
91
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT I. LADY AGATHA
Yes, mamma. [^Rtses.']
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
Will you go and look over the photo-
graph album that I see there ?
LADY AGATHA
Yes, mamma. [^Goes to table up Z.]
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
Dear girl 1 She is so fond of photo-
graphs of Switzerland. Such a pure
taste, I think. But I really am so sorry
for you, Margaret.
LADY WINDERMERE
\Smiling^ Why, Duchess ?
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
Oh, on account of that horrid woman.
She dresses so well, too, which makes it
much worse, sets such a dreadful example.
Augustus — you know my disreputable
brother — such a trial to us all — well,
22
LADY WINDERMEllE'S FAN
Augustus is completely infatuated about act i.
her. It is quite scandalous, for she is
absolutely inadmissible into society.
Many a woman has a past, but I am told
that she has at least a dozen, and that
they all fit.
LADY WINDERMERE
Whom are you talking about. Duchess ?
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
About Mrs. Erlynne.
LADY WINDERMERE
Mrs. Erlynne ? I never heard of her.
Duchess. And what has she to do with
me?
DUCHESS or BERWICK
My poor child I Agatha, darling !
LADY AGATHA
Yes, mamma.
28
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT I. DUCHESS OF BERWICK
Will you go out on the terrace and
look at the sunset ?
LADY AGATHA
Yes, mamma.
[Exit through window L.
DUCHESS or BERWICK
Sweet girl I So devoted to sunsets 1
Shows such refinement of feeling, does it
not? After all, there is nothing like
Nature, is there ?
LADY WINDERMERE
But what is it, Duchess? Why do
you talk to me about this person ?
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
Don't you really know ? I assure you
we re all so distressed about it. Only
last night at dear Lady Jansen's every
one was saying how extraordinary it was
that, of all men in London, Windermere
should behave in such a way.
24
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
LADY WINDERMERE ACT I.
My husband — what has he got to do
with any woman of that kind ?
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
Ah, what indeed, dear? That is the
point. He goes to see her continually,
and stops for hours at a time, and while
he is there she is not at home to any one.
Not that many ladies call on her, dear,
but she has a great many disreputable
men friends — my own brother particu-
larly, as I told you — and that is what
makes it so dreadful about Windermere.
We looked upon him as being such a
model husband, but I am afraid there is
no doubt about it. My dear nieces —
you know the Saville girls, don't you ? —
such nice domestic creatures — plain,
dreadfully plain, but so good — well,
they're always at the window doing
fancy work, and making ugly things for
the poor, which I think so useful of
them in these dreadful socialistic days,
and this terrible woman has taken a
25
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT I. house in Curzon Street, right opposite
them — such a respectable street, too. I
don't know what we 're coming to ! And
they tell me that Windermere goes there
four and five times a week — they see
him. They can't help it — and although
they never talk scandal, they — well, of
course — they remark on it to every one.
And the worst of it all is that I have
been told that this woman has got a
great deal of money out of somebody, for
it seems that she came to London six
months ago without anything at all to
speak of, and now she has this charming
house in Mayfair, drives her ponies in
the Park every afternoon and all — well,
all — since she has known poor dear
Windermere.
LADY WINDERMERE
Oh, I can't believe it 1
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
But it's quite true, my dear. The
whole of London knows it. That is why
26
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
I felt it was better to come and talk to act l
you, and advise you to take Windermere
away at once to Homburg or to Aix,
where he'll have something to amuse
him, and where you can watch him all
day long. I assure you, my dear, that
on several occasions after I was first
married, I had to pretend to be very ill,
and was obliged to drink the most un-
pleasant mineral waters, merely to get
Berwick out of town. He was so ex-
tremely susceptible. Though I am bound
to say he never gave away any large sums
of money to anybody. He is far too
high-principled for that I
LADY WINDERMERE
[Interrupting,'] Duchess, Duchess, it 's
impossible I [Rising and crossing stage
to C] We are only married two years.
Our child is but six months old. \Sits
in chair R, of L, table,']
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
Ah, the dear pretty baby 1 How is the
27
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT I little darling ? Is it a boy or a girl ? I
hope a girl — Ah, no, I remember it 's a
boy ! I 'm so sorry. Boys are so wicked.
My boy is excessively immoral. You
wouldn't believe at what hours he comes
home. And he 's only left Oxford a few
months — I really don't know what they
teach them there.
LADY WINDERMERE
Are all men bad ?
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
Oh, all of them, my dear, all of them,
without any exception. And they never
grow any better. Men become old, but
they never become good.
LADY WINDERMERE
Windermere and I married for love.
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
Yes, we begin like that. It was only
Berwick's brutal and incessant threats
28
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
of suicide that made me accept him at actl
all, and before the year was out, he was
running after all kinds of petticoats,
every colour, every shape, every material.
In fact, before the honeymoon was over,
I caught him winking at my maid, a
most pretty, respectable girl. I dismissed
her at once without a character. — No, I
remember I passed her on to my sister ;
poor dear Sir George is so short-sighted,
I thought it wouldn't matter. But it
did, though — it was most unfortunate.
l^Jizses.'] And now, my dear child, I must
go, as we are dining out. And mind you
don't take this little aberration of Win-
dermere's too much to heart. Just take
him abroad, and he '11 come back to you
all right.
LAJ)Y WINDERMEIIE
Come back to me ? [C]
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
[Z. C] Yes, dear, these wicked women
get our husbands away from us, but they
29
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
*CTL always come back, slightly damaged, of
course. And don't make scenes, men
hate them 1
LADY WINDERMERE
It is very kind of you, Duchess, to
come and tell me all this. But I can't
believe that my husband is untrue to me.
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
Pretty child I I was like that once.
Now I know that all men are monsters.
[lady WINDERMERE rings bellJ] The only
thing to do is to feed the wretches well.
A good cook does wonders, and that I
know you have. My dear Margaret, you
are not going to cry ?
LADY WINDERMERE
You needn't be afraid. Duchess, I
never cry.
DUCHESS or BERWICK
That 's quite right, dear. Crying is the
refuge of plain women but the ruin of
pretty ones. Agatha, darling 1
80
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
LADY AGATHA ACT I.
[Entering Z.] Yes, mamma. [Stands
back of table L.C]
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
Come and bid good-bye to Lady
Windermere, and thank her for your
charming visit. [Commg- down againj]
And by the way, I must thank you for
sending a card to Mr. Hopper — he 's that
rich young Australian people are taking
such notice of just at present. His father
made a great fortune by selKng some
kind of food in circular tins — most palat-
able, I believe — I fancy it is the thing
the servants always refuse to eat. But
the son is quite interesting. I think he 's
attracted by dear Agatha's clever talk.
Of course, we should be very sorry to
lose her, but I think that a mother who
doesn't part with a daughter every season
has no real affection. We're coming
to-night, dear, [parker opens C, doors ^
And remember my advice, take the poor
fellow out of town at once, it is the only
81
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT I. thing to do. Good-bye, once more;
come, Agatha.
[^Exeunt duchess and lady agatha C]
LADY WINDERMERE
How horrible 1 I understand now what
Lord Darlington meant by the imaginary
instance of the couple not two years
married. Oh I it can't be true — she spoke
of enormous sums of money paid to this
woman. I know where Arthur keeps his
bank book — in one of the drawers of that
desk. I might find out by that. I will
find out. \_Opens drawer,'] No, it is
some hideous mistake. [^Rises and goes
C] Some silly scandal ! He loves me\
He loves me\ But why should I not
look ? I am his wife, I have a right to
look ! [Rettirns to bureau, takes out book
and examines it page by page, smiles and
gives a sigh of relief^ I knew it 1 there
is not a word of truth in this stupid story.
\Puts book back in drawer. As she does
sOf starts and takes out another book,]
A second book — private — locked 1 [ Tries
82
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
to open ity but fails. Sees paper knife on ACT L
bureaUy and with it cuts cover from book.
Begins to start at the first pcige,'\ ' Mrs.
Eriynne— £600— Mrs. Erlynne— £700—
Mrs. Erlynne— £400.' Oh I it is truel
it is true ! How horrible 1 [Throws book
on floor. "]
[Enter lord windermere C]
LORD WINDERMERE
Well, dear, has the fan been sent home
yet ? [Going R. C Sees book.'] Jlargaret,
you have cut open my bank book. You
have no right to do such a thing I
LADY WINDERMERE
You think it wrong that you are found
out, don't you ?
LORD WINDERMERE
I think it wrong that a wife should
spy on her husband.
LADY WINDERMERE
I did not spy on you. I never knew
c 83
LADY WINDERMERE S FAN
A CT I. of this woman's existence till half an hour
ago. Some one who pitied me was kind
enough to tell me what every one in
London knows already — your daily visits
to Curzon Street, your mad infatuation,
the monstrous sums of money you
squander on this infamous woman 1
[Crossing Z.]
LORD WINDERMERE
Margaret ! don't talk like that of Mrs.
Erlynne, you don't know how unjust it
is I
LADY WINDERMERE
. [ Turning to Aim,'] You are very jealous
of Mrs. Erlynne's honour. I wish you
had been as jealous of mine.
LORD WINDERMERE
Your honour is untouched, Margaret.
You don't think for a moment that
[Puts book back into desk.]
84
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
LADY WINDERMERE ACT I.
I think that you spend your money
strangely. That is all. Oh, don't imagine
I mind about the money. As far as I
am concerned, you may squander every-
thing we have. But what I do mind is
that you who have loved me, you who
have taught me to love you, should pass
from the love that is given to the love
that is bought. Oh, it 's horrible I [^Sits
on so/a.~\ And it is I who feel degraded 1
you don't feel anything. I feel stained,
utterly stained. You can't realise how
hideous the last six months seem to me
now — every kiss you have given me is
tainted in my memory.
LORD WINDERMERE
[^Crossing- to ker.'\ Don't say that,
Margaret. I never loved any one in
the whole world but you.
LADY WINDERMERE
{Rises^^ Who is this woman, then?
, Why do you take a house for her ?
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT I. LORD WINDERMERE
I did not take a house for her.
LADY WINDERMERE
You gave her the money to do it,
which is the same thing.
LORD WINDERMERE
Margaret, as far as I have known Mrs.
Erlynne
LADY WINDERMERE
Is there a Mr. Erlynne — or is he a
myth?
LORD WINDERMERE
Her husband died many years ago.
She is alone in the world.
LADY WINDERMERE
No relations ? [^A pause.']
LORD WINDERMERE
None.
86
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
LADY WINDERMERE ACT L
Rather curious, isn't it ? [Z.]
LORD WINDERMERE
[Z.C] Margaret, I was saying to
you — and I beg you to listen to me —
that as far as I have known Mrs. Erlynne,
she has conducted herself well. If years
ago
LADY WINDERMERE
Oh I [Crossing i?.C.] I don't want
details about her life 1
LORD WINDERMERE
[C] I am not going to give you any
details about her life. I tell you simply
this — Mrs. Erlvnne was once honoured,
loved, respected. She was well born,
she had position — she lost everything —
threw it away, if you like. That makes
it all the more bitter. Misfortunes one
can endure — they come from outside,
they are accidents. But to suffer for
one's own faults — ah 1 — there is the sting
87
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT I. of life. It was twenty years ago, too.
She was little more than a girl then.
She had been a wife for even less time
than you have.
LADY WINDERMERE
I am not interested in her — and — you
should not mention this woman and me
in the same breath. It is an error of
taste. [Sitting R. at desk.']
LORD WINDERMERE
Margaret, you could save this woman.
She wants to get back into society, and
she wants you to help her. [Crossing to
her,']
LADY WINDERMERE
Mel
LORD WINDERMERE
Yes, you.
LADY WINDERMERE
How impertinent of her 1 [A pause.]
88
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
LORD WINDERMERE ACT L
Margaret, I came to ask you a great
favour, and I still ask it of you, though
you have discovered what I had intended
you should never have known, that I
have given Mrs. Erlynne a large sum
of money. I want you to send her an
invitation for our party to-night, island-
ing- L. of her ^
LADY WINDERMERE
You are mad 1 \Rises^
LORD WINDERMERE
I entreat you. People may chatter
about her, do chatter about her, of
course, but they don't know anything
definite against her. She has been to
several houses — not to houses where
you would go, I admit, but still to
houses where women who are in what
is called Society nowadays do go. That
does not content her. She wants you to
receive her once.
89
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT I, LADY WINDERMERE
As a triumph for her, I suppose ?
LORD WINDERMERE
No ; but because she knows that you
are a good woman — and that if she comes
here once she will have a chance of a
happier, a surer life than she has had.
She will make no further effort to know
you. Won't you help a woman who is
trying to get back ?
LADY WINDERMERE
No I If a woman really repents, she
never wishes to return to the society that
has made or seen her ruin.
LORD WINDERMERE
I beg of you.
LADY WINDERMERE
[Crossing to door /?.] I am going
to dress for dinner, and don't mention
the subject again this evening. Arthur
{jgoing to him C], you fancy because I
40
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
have no father or mother that I am alone act t
in the world, and that you can treat me
as you choose. You are wrong, I have
friends, many friends.
LORD WINDERMERE
[Z.C] Margaret, you are talking
foolishly, recklessly. I won't argue with
you, but I insist upon your asking Mrs.
Erlynne to-night.
LADY WINDERMERE
[i?.C] I shall do nothing of the kind«
LORD WINDERMERE
You refuse ? [C]
LADY WINDERMERE
Absolutely 1
LORD WINDERMERE
Ah, Margaret, do this for my sake ; it
is her last chance.
41
LADY WINDERMERES FAN
ACT I. LADY WINDERMERE
What has that to do with me ?
LORD WINDERMERE
How hard good women are I
LADY WINDERMERE
How weak bad men are I
LORD WINDERMERE
Margaret, none of us men may be
good enough for the women we marry —
that is quite true — but you don't imagine
I would ever — oh, the suggestion is
monstrous I
LADY WINDERMERE
Why should you be different from
other men? I am told that there is
hardly a husband in London who does
not waste his life over some shameful
passion.
LORD WINDERMERE
I am not one of them.
42
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
LADY WINDERMERE ACT I
I am not sure of that 1
LORD WINDERMERE
You are sure in your heart. But don't
make chasm after chasm between us.
God knows the last few minutes have
thrust us wide enough apart. Sit down
and write the card.
LADY WINDERMERE
Nothing in the whole world would
induce me.
LORD WINDERMERE
[Crossing to bureauJ] Then I will I
[Rings electric bell, sits and writes cardl\
LADY WINDERMERE
You are going to invite this woman ?
[Crossing to him.'\
LORD WINDERMERE
Yes.
[Pause. Enter farker.]
Parker I
48
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT I. PARKER
Yes, my lord. [Comes down L.CJ]
LORD WINDERMERE
Have this note sent to Mrs. Erlynne
at No. 84a Curzon Street. [Crossing to
L,C, and giving note to parker.] There
is no answer I
\Exit PARKER C]
LADY WINDERMERE
Arthur, if that woman comes here, I
shall insult her.
LORD WINDERMERE
Margaret, don't say that
LADY WINDERMERE
I mean it.
LORD WINDERMERE
Child, if you did such a thing, there *s
not a woman in London who wouldn't
pity you.
44
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
LADY WINDERMERE ACT I.
There is not a good woman in London
who would not applaud me. We have
been too lax. We must make an ex-
ample. I propose to begin to-night.
[^Picking up fan,'] Yes, you gave me
this fan to-day; it was your birthday
present. If that woman crosses my
threshold, I shall strike her across the
face with it.
LORD WINDERMERE
Margaret, you couldn't do such a
thing.
LADY WINDERMERE
You don't know me 1 [Moves i?.]
[Enter parker.]
Parker 1
PARKER
Yes, my lady.
45
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT I. LADY WINDERMERE
I shall dine in my own room. I don't
want dinner, in fact. See that every-
thing is ready by half-past ten. And,
Parker, be sure you pronounce the names
of the guests very distinctly to-night.
Sometimes you speak so fast that I miss
them. I am particularly anxious to hear
the names quite clearly, so as to make
no mistake. You understand, Parker ?
PARKER
Yes, my lady.
LADY WINDERMERE
That will do 1
[Bxii PARKER C]
[Speaking to lord windermere.] Ar-
thur, if that woman comes here — I warn
you
«
LORD WINDERMERE
Margaret, you '11 ruin us 1
46
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
LADY WINDERMERE ACT I.
Usl From this moment my life is
separate from yours. But if you wish to
avoid a public scandal, write at once to
this woman, and tell her that I forbid
her to come here 1
LORD WINDERMERE
I will not — I cannot — she must come I
LADY WINDERMERE
Then I shall do exactly as I have said,
[Goes /?.] You leave me no choice.
[Exit jR.]
LORD WINDERMERE
[Calling after her."] Margaret ! Mar-
garet 1 [A pause.'] My Godl What
shall I do ? I dare not tell her who this
woman really is. The shame would kill
her. [Sinks down into a chair and buries
his face in his hands ^
Act Drop
47
SECOND ACT
49
SECOND ACT
SCENE
Drawing-room in Lord Windermere^s house, D9or
R, U. opening into ball-roomy where band is playing.
Door Z. through which guests are entering. Door
L. U, opens on to illuminated terrace, Falms^ flowers^
and brilliant lights. Room crowded with guests.
Lady Windermere is receiving them.
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
[Ufi C] So strange Lord Winder-
mere isn't here. Mr. Hopper is very
late, too. You have kept those five
dances for him, Agatha ? [Comes down.']
LADY AGATHA
Yes, mamma.
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
[Staling- on sofa,'] Just let me see your
card. I'm fo glad Lady Windermere
51
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT II. has revived cards. — They're a mother's
only safeguard. You dear simple little
thing! [Scratches out two names.'] No
nice girl should ever waltz with such
particularly younger sons ! It looks so
fast! The last two dances you might
pass on the terrace with Mr. Hopper.
[Enter MR, dumby and lady plymdale
from the ball-room. ]
lady AGATHA
Yes, mamma.
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
[Fanning herself.] The air is so plea-
sant there.
PARKER
Mrs. Cowper-Cowper. Lady Stutfield.
Sir James Royston. Mr. Guy Berkeley.
[These people enter as announced^
DUMBY
Good evening, Lady Stutfield. I
suppose this wDl be the last ball of the
season ?
52
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
LADY STUTFIELD ACT U.
I suppose SO, Mr. Dumby. It *s been
a delightful season^ hasn't it ?
DUMBY
Quite delightful! Good evening.
Duchess. I suppose this will be the last
ball of the season ?
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
I suppose so, Mr. Dumby. It has
been a very dull season, hasn't it ?
DUMBY
Dreadfully dull I Dreadfully dull !
MRS. COWPER-COWPER
Good evening, Mr. Dumby. I sup-
pose this will be the last ball of the
season ?
DUMBY
Oh, I think not. There '11 probably
be two more. [JVanclers back to lady
flymdaleJ
£9
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT II. PARKER
Mr. RufFord. Lady Jedburgh and
Miss Graham. Mr. Hopper.
\These people enter as announced.']
HOPPER
How do you do, Lady Windermere ?
How do you do. Duchess? [Bows to
LADY AGATHA.]
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
Dear Mr. Hopper, how nice of you to
come so early. We all know how you
are run after in London.
HOPPER
Capital place, London ! They are not
nearly so exclusive in London as they
are in Sydney.
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
Ah ! we know your value, Mr. Hop-
per. We wish there were more like you.
It would make life so much easier. Do
you know, Mr. Hopper, dear Agatha
54
LADY WINDERMERES FAN
and I are so much interested in Aus- ACTii.
stralia. It must be so pretty with all
the dear little kangaroos flying about.
Agatha has found it on the map. What
a curious shape it is I Just like a large
packing case. However, it is a very
young country, isn't it ?
HOPPER
Wasn't it made at the same time as
the others, Duchess ?
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
How clever you are, Mr. Hopper.
You have a cleverness quite of your
own. Now I mustn't keep you.
HOPPER
But I should like to dance with Lady
Agatha, Duchess.
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
Well, I hope she has a dance left.
Have you a dance left, Agatha ?
65
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT IL LADY AGATHA
Yes, mamma.
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
The next one ?
LADY AGATHA
Yes, mamma.
HOPPER
May I have the pleasure? [lady
AGATHA bows.']
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
Mind you take great care of my little
chatterbox, Mr. Hopper.
[lady AGATHA and MR. HOPPER pass
into ball-room^
[Enter lord Windermere Z.]
' LORD WINDERMERE
Margaret, I want to speak to you.
LADY WINDERMERE
In a moment [The music stops J\
56
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
PARKER ACT IL
Lord Augustus Lorton.
[Enter lord Augustus.]
LORD AUGUSTUS
Good evening, Lady Windermere.
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
Sir James, will you take me into the
ball-room? Augustus has been dining
with us to-night. I really have had
quite enough of dear Augustus for the
moment.
[sir JAMES ROYSTON givCS the DUCHESS
his arm and escorts her into the ball-
room.']
PARKER
Mr. and Mrs. Arthur Bowden. Lord
and Lady Paisley. Lord Darlington.
[ These people enter as announced, ]
LORD AUGUSTUS
{Coming up to lord Windermere.]
Want to speak to you particularly, dear
57
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT II. boy. I 'm worn to a shadow. Know I
don't look it None of us men do look
what we really are. Demmed good thing,
too. What I want to know is this.
Who is she? Where does she come
from ? Why hasn't she got any demmed
relations ? Demmed nuisance, relations 1
But they make one so demmed respect-
able.
LORD WINDERMERE
You are talking of Mrs. Erlynne, I
suppose? I only met her six months
ago. Till then, I never knew of her
existence.
LORD AUGUSTUS
You have seen a good deal of her since
then.
LORD WINDERMERE
\_Co/clly.'\ Yes, I have seen a good
deal of her since then. I have just seen
her.
58
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
LORD AUGUSTUS ACT IL
Egad! the women are very down on
her. I have been dining with Arabella
this evening I By Jove! you should
have heard what she said about Mrs.
Erlynne. She didn't leave a rag on
her. . . . [Aszde.'l Berwick and I told
her that didn't matter much, as the lady
in question must have an extremely fine
figure. You should have seen Arabella's
expression! . . . But, look here, dear
boy. I don't know what to do about
Mrs. Erlynne. Egad 1 I might be married
to her ; she treats me with such demmed
indifference. She's deuced clever, tool
She explains everything. Egad I she ex-
plains you. She has got any amount of
explanations for you — and all of them
different.
LORD WINDERMERE
No explanations are necessary about
my friendship with Mrs. Erlynne.
59
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT II. LORD AUGUSTUS
Heml Well, look here, dear old
fellow. Do you think she will ever get
into this demmed thing called Society?
Would you introduce her to your wife ?
No use beating about the confounded
bush. Would you do that ?
LORD WINDERMERE
Mrs. Erlynne is coming here to-night.
LORD AUGUSTUS
Your wife has sent her a card ?
LORD WINDERMERE
Mrs. Erlynne has received a card.
LORD AUGUSTUS
Then she's all right, dear boy. But
why didn't you tell me that before ? It
would have saved me a heap of worry
and demmed misunderstandings I
[lady AGATHA and MR. HOPPER CTOSS
and exit on terrace L, U,E^
60
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
PARKER ACT II.
Mr. Cecil Graham !
[Enter MR. Cecil graham.]
CECIL GRAHAM
[Bows to LADY WINDERMERE, paSSBS
over and shakes hands with lord winder-
mere.] Good evening, Arthur. Why
don't you ask me how I am? I like
people to ask me how I am. It shows a
wide-spread interest in my health. Now,
to-night I am not at all well. Been
dining with my people. Wonder why
it is one s people are always so tedious ?
My father would talk morality after
dinner. I told him he was old enough
to know better. But my experience is
that as soon as people are old enough to
know better, they don't know anything
at all. Hallo, Tuppy! Hear you're
going to be married again ; thought you
were tired of that game.
61
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT U. LORD AUGUSTUS
You're excessively trivial, my dear
boy, excessively trivial !
CECIL GRAHAM
By the way, Tuppy, which is it ? Have
you been twice married and once divorced,
or twice divorced and once married ? I
say you 've been twice divorced and once
married. It seems so much more pro-
bable.
LORD AUGUSTUS
I have a very bad memory. I really
don't remember which. [Moves away 7?.]
LADY PLYMDALE
Lord Windermere, I 've something
most particular to ask you.
LORD WINDERMERE
I am afraid — if you will excuse me — 1
must join my wife.
62
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
LADY PLYMDALE ACT II
Oh, you mustn't dream of such a thing.
Its most dangerous nowadays for a
husband to pay any attention to his wife
in public. It always makes people think
that he beats her when they re alone.
The world has grown so suspicious of
anything that looks like a happy married
life. But 1 11 tell you what it is at
supper. [Moves towards door of ball-
reom,'\
LOAD WINDERMERE
[C] Margaret 1 I must speak to you.
LADY WINDERMERE
Will you hold my fan for me, Lord
Darlington? Thanks. [Comes down to
him,']
LORD WINDERMERE
[Crossing to her,] Margaret, what you
said before dinner was, of course, im-
possible ?
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT II. LADY WINDERMERE
That woman is not coming here to
night I
LORD WINDERMERE
[7?.C] Mrs. Erlynne is coming here,
and if you in any way annoy or wound
her, you will bring shame and sorrow
on us both. Remember that! Ah,
Margaret! only trust me! A wife should
trust her husband 1
LADY WINDERMERE
[C] London is full of women who
trust their husbands. One can always re-
cognise them. They look so thoroughly
unhappy. I am not going to be one of
them. [Moves upj\ Lord Darlington,
will you give me back my fan, please?
Thanks. ... A useful thing a fan, isn't
it ? ... I want a friend to-night. Lord
Darlington : I didn't know I would want
one so soon.
64
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
LORD DARLINGTON ACT IL
Lady Windermere ! I knew the time
would come some day; but why to-
night ?
LORD WINDERMERE
I will tell her. I must. It would
be terrible if there were any scene.
Margaret . . .
PARKER
Mrs. Erlynne !
[lord WINDERMERE StartS. MRS.
ERLYNNE enters, very beautifully dressed
and very dignified, lady Windermere
clutches at her fan, then lets it drop on the
floor. She bows coldly to MRS. erlynne,
who bows to her sweetly in turn, and sails
into the room^
LORD DARLINGTON
You have dropped your fan, Lady
Windermere. {Picks it up and hands it
to her.']
E 6^
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT II. MRS. ERLYNNE
[C] How do you do, again, Lord
Windermere ? How charming your sweet
wife looks I Quite a picture 1
LORD WINDERMERE
[In a low voice.'] It was terribly rash
of you to come !
MRS. ERLYNNE
[Smiling,'] The wisest thing I ever
did in my life. And, by the way, you
must pay me a good deal of attention
this evening. I am afraid of the women.
You must introduce me to some of them.
The men I can always manage. How
do you do, Lord Augustus ? You have
quite neglected me lately. I have not
seen you since yesterday. I am afraid
you re faithless. Every one told me so.
LORD AUGUSTUS
[R.] Now really, Mrs. Erlynne, allow
me to explain.
66
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
MRS. ERLYNNE ACT II.
[/?.C] No, dear Lord Augustus, you
can't explain anything. It is your chief
charm.
LORD AUGUSTUS
Ah ! if you find charms in me, Mrs.
Erlynne
\^They converse together, lord winder-
mere moves uneasily about the room watch-
ing MRS. ERLYNNE.]
LORD DARLINGTON
\To LADY WINDERMERE.] HoW pale
you are 1
LADY WINDERMERE
Cowards are always pale 1
LORD DARLINGTON
You look faint. Come out on the
terrace.
LADY WINDERMERE
Yes. \To PARKER.] Parker, send my
cloak out.
67
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT II. MRS. ERLYNNE
[Crossing to kerJ] Lady Windermere,
how beautifully your terrace is illumi-
nated. Reminds me of Prince Doria's
at Rome.
[lady WINDERMERE bows coldly^ and
goes off with lord Darlington.]
Oh, how do you do, Mr. Graham ? Isn't
that your aunt. Lady Jedburgh? I
should so much like to know her.
CECIL graham
[After a momenfs hesitation andembar-
rassmentJ] Oh, certainly, if you wish it.
Aunt Caroline, allow me to introduce
Mrs. Erlynne.
MRS. ERLYNNE
So pleased to meet you. Lady Jed-
burgh. [Sits beside her on the sofaJ\
Your nephew and I are great friends. I
am so much interested in his political
career. I think he's sure to be a
wonderful success. He thinks like a
68
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
Tory, and talks like a Radical, and that's act il.
so important nowadays. He 's such a
brilliant talker, too. But we all know
from whom he inherits that. Lord
Allandale was saying to me only yester-
day, in the Park, that Mr. Graham talks
almost as well as his aunt.
LADY JEDBURGH
[7^.] Most kind of you to say these
charming things to me 1 [mrs. erlynne
smiles, and continues conversational
DUMBY
\To CECIL GRAHAM.] Did you intro-
duce Mrs. Erlynne to Lady Jedburgh ?
CECIL GRAHAM
Had to, my dear fellow. Couldn't
help it I That woman can make one
do anything she wants. How, I don't
know.
DUMBY
Hope to goodness she won't speak to
me I \Saunters towards lady plymdale.]
69
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACTIL MRS. ERLYNNE
[C 7!? LADY JEDBURGH.] On Thurs-
day ? With great pleasure. [^Rtses, and
speaks to LORD Windermere, laughing^
What a bore it is to have to be civil to
these old dowagers I But they always
insist on it 1
LADY PLYMDALE
\To MR. dumby.] Who is that well-
dressed woman talking to Windermere ?
DUMBY
Haven't got the slightest idea 1 Looks
like an edition de luxe of a wicked French
novel, meant specially for the English
market.
MRS. ERLYNNE
So that is poor Dumby with Lady
Plymdale? I hear she is frightfully
jealous of him. He doesn't seem anxious
to speak to me to-night. I suppose he
is afraid of her. Those straw-coloured
women have dreadful tempers. Do you
70
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
know, I think I '11 dance with you first, act il
Windermere, [lord windeumere bites
his lip and frowns^ It will make Lord
Augustus so jealous ! Lord Augustus !
[lord AUGUSTUS comes down.'] Lord
Windermere insists on my dancing with
him first, and, as it 's his own house, I
can't well refuse. You know I would
much sooner dance with you.
LORD AUGUSTUS
[^With a low bow.] I wish I could
think so, Mrs. Erlynne.
MRS. ERLYNNE
You know it far too well. I can fancy
a person dancing through life with you
and finding it charming.
LORD AUGUSTUS
[Placing his hand on his zvhiie waist-
coaL~\ Oh, thank you, thank you. You
are the most adorable of all ladies 1
71
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACTIL MRS. ERLYNNE
What a nice speech ! So simple and
so sincere 1 Just the sort of speech I
like. Well, you shall hold my bouquet.
[^Goes towards ball-room on lord winder-
mere's arm,'] Ah, Mr. Dumby, how are
you ? I am so sorry I have been out the
last three times you have called. Come
and lunch on Friday,
DUMBY
[ With perfect nonchalance^ Delighted 1
[lady plymdale glares with indigna-
tion at MR. dumby. lord AUGUSTUS
follows MRS. ERLYNNE and LORD WINDER-
MERE into the ball-room holding bouquet^
LADY PLYMDALE
\To MR. DUMBY.] What an absolute
brute you are I I never can believe a
word you say ! Why did you tell me
you didn't know her? What do you
mean by calling on her three times
running ? You are not to go to lunch
there ; of course you understand that ?
72
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
DUMBY ACT II.
My dear Laura, I wouldn't dream of
going 1
I.ADY PLYMDALE
You haven't told me her name yetl
Who is she ?
DUMBY
\Cougks slightly and smooths his hairJ\
She 's a Mrs, Erlynne.
LADY PLYMDALE
That woman 1
DUMBY
Yes ; that is what every one calls her.
LADY PLYMDALE
How very interesting ! How intensely
interesting I I really must have a good
stare at her. [^Goes to door of ball-room
and looks in^ I have heard the most
shocking things about her. They say
she is ruining poor Windermere. And
78
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT II. Lady Windermere, who goes in for
being so proper, invites her ! How ex-
tremely amusing ! It takes a thoroughly
good woman to do a thoroughly stupid
thing. You are to lunch there on
Friday I
DUMBY
Why ?
LADY PLYMDALE
Because I want you to take my hus-
band with you. He has been so attentive
lately, that he has become a perfect
nuisance. Now, this woman is just the
thing for him. He 11 dance attendance
upon her as long as she lets him, and
won't bother me. I assure you, women
of that kind are most useful. They form
the basis of other people's marriages.
DUMBY
What a mystery you are 1
LADY PLYMDALE
[Looking at him.'] I wish you were I
74
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
DUMBY ACT II.
I am — to myself. I am the only per-
son in the world I should like to know
thoroughly ; but I don't see any chance
of it just at present.
[ They pass into the ball-room^ and lady
WINDERMERE and i.OB,B DARLINGTON enter
from the terrace^
LADY WINDERMERE
Yes. Her coming here is monstrous,
unbearable. ^ I know now what you
meant to-day at tea time. Why didn't
you tell me i:ight out? You should
havel
LORD DARLINGTON
I couldn't! A man can't tell these
things about another man 1 But if I had
known he was going to make you ask
her here to-night, I think I would have
told you. That insult, at any rate, you
would have been spared.
75
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT II. LADY WINDERMERE
I did not ask her. He insisted on her
coming — against my entreaties — against
my commands. Oh ! the house is tainted
for me I I feel that every woman here
sneers at me as she dances by with my
husband. What have I done to deserve
this ? I gave him all my life. He took
it — used it — spoiled it I I am degraded
in my own eyes ; and I lack courage — I
am a coward ! [^Szifs doivn on sq/a,']
LORD DARLINGTON
If I know you at all, I know that you
can't live with a man who treats you like
this I What sort of life would you have
with him ? You would feel that he was
lying to you every moment of the day.
You would feel that the look in his ej'^es
was false, his voice false, his touch false,
his passion false. He would come to you
when he was weary of others ; you would
have to comfort him. He would come to
you when he was devoted to others ; you
would have to charm him. You would
76
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
have to be to him the mask of his real ACTIL
life, the cloak to hide his secret.
LADY WINDERMERE
You are right — you are terribly right.
But where am I to turn ? You said you
would be my friend, Lord Darlington. —
Tell me, what am I to do ? Be my friend
now.
LORD DARLINGTON
Between men and women there is no
friendship possible. There is passion,
enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
I love you
LADY WINDERMERE
No, no 1 [Rtses.^
LORD DARLINGTON
Yes, I love you 1 You are more to
me than anything in the whole world.
What does your husband give you ?
Nothing, Whatever is in him he gives
to this wretched woman, whom he has
77
LADY WINDERMERE S FAN
ACT II. thrust into your society, into your home,
to shfime you before every one. I offer
you my life
LADY WINDERMERE
Lord Darlington 1
LORD DARLINGTON
My life — my whole life. Take it, and
do with it what you will. ... I love you
— love you as I have never loved any
livincr thin^. From the moment I met
you I loved you, loved you blindly,
adoringly, madly I You did not know it
then — you know it now 1 Leave this
house to-night. I won't tell you that the
world matters nothing, or the world's voice,
or the voice of society. They matter a
great deal. They matter far too much.
But there are moments when one has
to choose between living one s own life,
fully, entirely, completely — or dragging
out some false, shallow, degrading exis-
tence that the world in its hypocrisy
78
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
demands. You have that moment now. ACT n
Choose 1 Oh, my love, choose 1
LADY WINDERMERE
[Moving slowly away from him, and
looking at kim with startled eyes.^ I
have not the courage.
LORD DARLINGTON
[^Following kerJ] Yes ; you have the
courage. There may be six months of
pain, of disgrace even, but when you no
longer bear his name, when you bear
mine, all will be well. Margaret, my
love, my wife that shall be some day —
yes, my wife ! You know it I What
are you now? This woman has the
place that belongs by right to you. Oh 1
go — go out of this house, with head erect,
with a smile upon your lips, with courage
in your eyes. All London will know
why you did it; and who will blame
you ? No one. If they do, what
matter ? Wrong ? What is wrong ?
It's wrong for a man to abandon his
79
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT 11. wife for a shameless woman. It is
wrong for a wife to remain with a man
who so dishonours her. You said once
you would make no compromise with
things. Make none now. Be brave!
Be yourself!
LADY WINDERMERE
I am afraid of being myself. Let me
think 1 Let me wait 1 My husband
may return to me. [^Szi(s down on sofa,~\
LORD DARLINGTON
And you would take him back ! You
are not what I thought you were. You
are just the same as every other woman.
You would stand anything rather than
face the censure of a world, whose praise
you would despise. In a week you will
be driving with this woman in the Park.
She will be your constant guest — your
dearest friend. You would endure any-
thing rather than break with one blow
this monstrous tie. You are right. You
have no courage ; none 1
80
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
LADY WINDERMERE ACT II.
Ah, give me time to think. I cannot
answer you now. [Passes her hand tier-
vously over her draw,']
LORD DARLINGTON
It must be now or not at all.
LADY WINDERMERE
\^Rising from the so/a.'] Then, not at
all 1 [^A pause^
LORD DARLINGTON
You break my heartj
LADY WINDERMERE
Mine is already broken. \A pause."]
LORD DARLINGTON
To-morrow I leave England. This is
the last time I shall ever look on you.
You will never see me again. For one
moment our lives met — our souls
touched. They must never meet or
touch again. Good-bye, Margaret.
[JSxtt.]
r 81
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT II. LADY WINDERMERE
How alone I am in life I How terribly
alone!
\The music stops. Enter the duchess
OF BERWICK and lord paisley laughing
and talking. Other guests come on from
ball-room^
duchess of BERWICK
Dear Margaret, I Ve just been having
such a delightful chat with Mrs. Erlynne.
I am so sorry for what I said to you this
afternoon about her. Of course, she
must be all right if you invite her. A
most attractive woman, and has such
sensible views on life. Told me she
entirely disapproved of people marrying
more than once, so I feel quite safe
about poor Augustus. Can't imagine
why people speak against her. It 's those
horrid nieces of mine — the Saville girls
— they Ve always talking scandal. Still,
I should go to Homburg, dear, I really
should. She is just a little too attrac-
tive. But where is Agatha ? Oh, there
82
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
she is 1 [lady agatha and mr. hopper act ii.
enter from terrace L,U,E.^ Mr. Hopper,
I am very, very angry with you. You
have taken Agatha out on the terrace,
and she is so delicate.
HOPPER
[Z.C] Awfully sorry, Duchess. We
went out for a moment and then got
chatting together.
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
[C] Ah, about dear Australia, I
suppose ?
HOPPER
Yes I
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
Agatl.a, darling 1 [Beckons her over."]
LADY AGATHA
Yes, mamma I
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
[AsideJ] Did Mr. Hopper definitely
83
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT n LADY AGATHA
Yes, mamma.
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
And what answer did you give him,
dear child ?
LADY AGATHA
Yes, mamma.
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
\Affectionately^ My dear one ! You
always say the right thing. Mr. Hopper I
James 1 Agatha has told me everything.
How cleverly you have both kept your
secret.
HOPPER
You don't mind my taking Agatha off
to Australia, then. Duchess ?
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
[Indignant lyJ\ To Australia? Oh,
don't mention that dreadful vulgar place.
8i
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
HOPPER ' ACT IL
But she said she 'd like to come with
me.
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
\_Severe/y.'] I)id you say that, Agatha ?
LADY AGATHA
Yes, mamma.
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
Agatha, you say the most silly thmgs
possible. I think on the whole that
Grosvenor Square would be a more
healthy place to reside in. There are
lots of vulgar people live in Grosvenor
Square, but at any rate there are no
horrid kangaroos crawling about. But
we '11 talk about that to-morrow. James,
you can take Agatha down. You 11
come to lunch, of course, James. At
half-past one, instead of two. The
Duke will wish to say a few words to
you, I am sure.
85
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT II. HOPPER
I should like to have a chat with the
Duke, Duchess. He has not said a
single word to me yet.
DUCHESS OF BERWICK
I think you 11 find he will have a great
deal to say to you to-morrow. \_Ext^
*LADY AGATHA ZvM MR. HOPPER.] And
now good-night, Margaret I 'm afraid
it's the old, old story, dear. Love —
well, not love at first sight, but love at
the end of the season, which is so much
more satisfactory.
LADY WINDERMERE
Good-night, Duchess.
IjExH the DUCHESS OF BERWICK Oft LORD
Paisley's arm^
LADY PLYMDALE
My dear Margaret, what a handsome
woman your husband has been dancing
with I I should be quite jealous if I
86
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
were youl Is she a great friend of ACTii.
yours ?
LADY WINDERMEIIE
No!
LADY PLYMDALE
Really ? Good-night, dear. [Looks ai
MR. DUMBY and exiL^
DUMBY
Awful manners young Hopper has !
CECIL GRAHAM
Ah I Hopper is one of Nature's gentle-
men, the worst type of gentleman I
know.
DUMBY
Sensible woman, Lady Windermere,
Lots of wives would have objected to
Mrs. Erlynne coming. But Lady Win-
dermere has that uncommon thing called
common sense.
87
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACTII. CECIL GRAHAM
And Windermere knows that nothing
looks so like innocence as an indiscretion.
DUMBY
Yes; dear Windermere is becoming
almost modern. Never thought he
would. [Bows to LADY WINDERMERE
and exitJ]
LADY JEDBURGH
Good-night, Lady Windermere. What
a fascinating woman Mrs. Erlynne is 1
She is coming to lunch on Thursday,
won't you come too ? I expect the
Bishop and dear Lady Merton,
LADY WINDERMERE
I am afraid I am engaged, Lady Jed-
burgh.
LADY JEDBURGH
So sorry. Come, dear. [Exeunt lady
JEDBURGH and Miss graham.]
[Enter mrs. erlynne and lord Win-
dermere.]
88
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
MRS. ERLYNNE ACT IL
Charming ball it has been 1 Quite
reminds me of old days. \_St^s on sofaJ\
And I see that there are just as many
fools in society as there used to be. So
pleased to find that nothing has altered 1
Except Margaret. She's grown quite
pretty. The last time I saw her —
twenty years ago, she was a fright in
flannel. Positive fright, I assure you.
The dear Duchess ! and that sweet Lady
Agatha! Just the type of girl I likel
Well, really, Windermere, if I am to be
the Duchess's sister-in-law
LORD WINDERMERE
[Sitting L. of kerJ] But are you ?
[Exit MR. CECIL GRAHAM witk rest of
guests. LADY WINDERMERE WUtckeSy with
a look of scorn and pain, mrs. erlynne
and her husband. They are unconscious
of her presence^
89
LADY WINDERMERE S FAN
ACTIL MRS. EKLYNNE
Oh, yes ! He 's to call to-morrow at
twelve o'clock I He wanted to propose
to-night. In fact he did. He kept on
proposing. Poor Augustus, you know
how he repeats himself. Such a bad
habit 1 But I told him I wouldn't give
him an answer till to-morrow. Of course
I am going to take him. And I dare say
I'll make him an admirable wife, as
wives go. And there is a great deal of
good in Lord Augustus. Fortunately it
is all on the surface. Just where good
qualities should be. Of course you must
help me in this matter.
LORD WINDERMERE
I am not called on to encourage Lord
Augustus, I suppose ?
MRS. ERLYNNE
Oh, no I I do the encouraging. But
you will make me a handsome settle-
ment, Windermere, won't you ?
90
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
LORD WINDERMERE ACT II.
[FrowningJ] Is that what you want
to talk to me about to-night ?
MRS. ERLYNNE
Yes.
LORD WINDERMERE
{^IVtth a gesture of impatienceJ] I will
not talk of it here.
MRS. ERLYNNE
[^Laughing,'] Then we will talk of it
on the terrace. Even business should
have a picturesque background. Should
it not, Windermere? With a proper
background women can do anything.
LORD WINDERMERE
Won't to-morrow do as well ?
MRS. ERLYNNE
No; you see, to-morrow I am going
to accept him. And I think it would be
91
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT II. a good thing if I was able to tell him
that I had — well, what shall I say? —
£2000 a year left to me by a third cousin
— or a second husband — or some distant
relative of that kind. It would be an
additional attraction, wouldn't it? You
have a delightful opportunity now of
paying me a compliment, Windermere.
But you are not very clever at paying
compliments. I am afraid ISIargaret
doesn't encourage you in that excellent
habit. It 's a great mistake on her part.
When men give up saying what is
charming, they give up thinking what is
charming. But seriously, what do you
say to £2000? £2500, 1 think. In modern
life margin is everything. Windermere,
don't you think the world an intensely
amusing place ? I do !
[^Exz^ on terrace with lord winder-
mere. Music strikes up in ball-room,'\
LADY WINDERMERE
To stay in this house any longer is
impossible. To-night a man who loves
92
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
me offered me his whole life. I refused act ii.
it. It was foolish of me. I will offer
him mine now. I will give him mine.
I will go to him ! \_Puts on cloak and goes
to the dooTy then turns back. Sits down at
table and writes a letter^ puts it into an
envelope, and leaves it on tableJ] Arthur
has never understood me. When he
reads this, he will. He may do as he
chooses now with his life. I have done
with mine as I think best, as I think
right. It is he who has broken the bond
of marriage — not I. I only break its
bondage. [Exit.
[PARKER enters L. and crosses towards
the ball-room R, Enter mrs. erlynne.]
MRS. ERLYNNE
Is Lady Windermere in the ball-room ?
PARKER
Her ladyship has just gone out
MRS. ERLYNNE
Gone out ? She 's not on the terrace ?
93
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT II. PARKER
No, madam. Her ladyship has just
gone out of the house,
MRS. ERLYNNE
[5/^r/j, and looks at the servant with a
puzzled expression in her face.'] Out of
the house ?
PARKER
Yes, madam — her ladyship told me
she had left a letter for his lordship on
the table.
MRS. ERLYNNE
A letter for Lord Windermere ?
PARKER
Yes, madam.
MRS. ERLYNNE
Thank you.
[Exit PARKER. The music in the ball-
room stops,] Gone out of her house I A
letter addressed to her husband 1 [Goes
94
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
over to bureau and looks at letter. Takes ACT ii
it up and lays it down again with a shudder
of fear ^ No, no I It would be impossible I
Life doesn't repeat its tragedies like that 1
Oh, why does this horrible fancy come
across me? Why do I remember now
the one moment of my life I most wish
to forget ? Does life repeat its tragedies ?
[ Tears letter open and reads ity then sinks
down into a chair with a gesture of anguish^
Oh, how terrible I The same words that
twenty years ago I wrote to her father 1
and how bitterly I have been punished
for it 1 No ; my punishment, my real
punishment is to-night, is nowl {Still
seated i?.]
[Enter lord Windermere Z. U.EJ]
LORD WINDERMERE
Have you said good-night to my wife ?
[Comes C]
MRS. ERLYNNE
[Crushing letter in her hand.'] Yes.
95
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT IL LORD WINDERMERE
Where is she ?
MRS. ERLYNNE
She is very tired. She has gone to
bed. Slie said she had a headache.
LORD WINDERMERE
I must go to her. You 11 excuse me ?
MRS. ERLYNNE
[Rising hurriedly,'] Oh, no! It's
nothing serious. She's only very tired,
that is all. Besides, there are people still
in the supper-room. She wants you to
make her apologies to them. She said
she didn't wish to be disturbed. [Drops
letterJ\ She asked me to tell you 1
LORD WINDERMERE
[Picks up letter^ You have dropped
something.
MRS. ERLYNNE
Oh yes, thank you, that is mine. [Puts
cut her hand to take it,]
96
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
LORD WINDERMERE ACT IL
\Still looking at letter^ But it 's my
wife's handwriting, isn't it ?
MRS. ERLYNNE
\Takes the letter quickly^ Yes, it's —
an address. Will you ask them to call
my carriage, please ?
LORD WINDERMERE
Certainly. \Goes L. and ExttJ]
MRS. ERLYNNE
Thanks! What can I do? What
can I do ? I feel a passion awakening
within me that I never felt before. What
can it mean ? The daughter must not be
like the mother — that would be terrible.
How can I save her ? How can I save
my child ? A moment may ruin a life.
Who knows that better than I ? Winder-
mere must be got out of the house ; that
is absolutely necessary. [Goes LJ] But
G 97
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT II. how shall I do it? It must be done
somehow. Ah I
\Enter lord Augustus R, U.E. carrying
bouquet^
LORD AUGUSTUS
Dear lady, I am in such suspense!
May I not have an answer to my request ?
MRS. ERLYNNE
Lord Augustus, listen to me. You
are to take Lord Windermere down to
your club at once, and keep him there as
long as possible. You understand ?
LORD AUGUSTUS
But you said you wished me to keep
early hours 1
MRS. ERLYNNE
\Nervously?^ Do what I tell you. Do
what I tell you.
LORD AUGUSTUS
And my reward ?
98
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
MRS. ERLYNNE ACT 11.
Your reward? Your reward? Ohl
ask me that to-morrow. But don't let
Windermere out of your sight to-night.
If you do I will never forgive you. I
will never speak to you again. 1 11 have
nothing to do with you. Remember you
are to keep Windermere at your club,
and don't let him come back to-night.
LORD AUGUSTUS
Well, really, I might be her husband
already. Positively I might. [Follows
her in a bewildered manner^
Act Drop
09
THIRD ACT
THIRD ACT
SCENE
Lord DarlingtofCs Rooms, A large sofa is in front of
fireplace R, At the back of the stage a curtain is
drawn across the window. Doors L, and R. Table
R, with writing materials. Table C. with syphons,
glasses, and Tantalus frame. Table Z. with cigar
and cigarette box. Lamps lit.
LADY WINDERMERE
[^Standing by the fireplace^ Why
doesn't he come? This waiting is
horrible. He should be here. Why is
he not here, to wake by passionate
words some fire within me ? I am cold
— cold as a loveless thing. Arthur must
have read my letter by this time. If
he cared for me, he would have come
after me, would have taken me back
by force. But he doesn't care. He's
entrammelled by this woman — fascinated
108
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT III. by her — dominated by her. If a woman
wants to hold a man, she has merely to
appeal to what is worst in him. We
make gods of men and they leave us.
Others makes brutes of them and they
fawn and are faithful. How hideous
life is I . . . Oh I it was mad of me to
come here, horribly mad. And yet,
which is the worst, I wonder, to be at
the mercy of a man who loves one, or
the wife of a man who in one's own
house dishonours one? What woman
knows? What woman in the whole
world ? But will he love me always,
this man to whom I am giving my life ?
What do I bring him ? Lips that have
lost the note of joy, eyes that are blinded
by tears, chill hands and icy heart. I
bring him nothing. I must go back —
no; I can't go back, my letter has put
me in their power — Arthur would not
take me back I That fatal letter 1 No I
Lord Darlington leaves England to-
morrow. I will go with him — I have no
choice. [Sils down for a few moments,
104
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
Then starts up and puts on her cloakP[ ACT ill.
No, no! I will go back, let Arthur do
with me what he pleases. I can't wait
here. It has been madness my coming.
I must go at once. As for Lord Dar-
lington— Oh ! here he is I What shall
I do ? What can I say to him ? Will
he let me go away at all ? I have heard
that men are brutal, horrible • • • Oh I
[Hides her face in her hands, '\
[Enter mrs. erlynne Z.]
MRS. ERLYNNE
Lady Windermere ! [lady winder-
mere starts and looks up. Then recoils
in contempt,'\ Thank Heaven I am in
time. You must go back to your hus-
band's house immediately.
LADY WINDERMERE
Must?
MRS. ERLYNNE
[Authoritatively^ Yes, you must 1
There is not a second to be lost. Lord
Darlington may return at any moment
105
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT III. LADY WINDERMERE
Don't come near me !
MRS. ERLYNNE
Oh I You are on the brink of ruin,
you are on the brink of a hideous precipice.
You must leave this place at once, my
carriage is waiting at the corner of the
street. You must come with me and
drive straight home.
[lady WINDERMERE thvows off her cloak
and flings it on the sq/a.'\
What are you doing ?
LADY WINDERMERE
Mrs. Erlynne — if you had not come
here, I would have gone back. But
now that I see you, I feel that nothing
in the whole world would induce me to
live under the same roof as Lord Win-
dermere. You fill me with horror.
There is something about you that stirs
the wildest — rage within me. And I
know why you are here. My husband
sent you to lure me back that I might
106
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
serve as a blind to whatever relations act hi
exist between you and him.
MRS. ERLYNNE
Oh I You don't think that — ^you can't.
LADY WINDERMERE
Go back to my husband, Mrs. Erlynne.
He belongs to you and not to me. I
suppose he is afraid of a scandal. Men
are such cowards. They outrage every
law of the world, and are afraid of the
world's tongue. But he had better
prepare himself. He shall have a
scandal. He shall have the worst scandal
there has been in London for years. He
shall see his name in every vile paper,
mine on every hideous placard.
MRS. ERLYNNE
No — no
LADY WINDERMERE
Yes 1 he shall. Had he come himself,
107
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT III. I admit I would have gone back to the
life of degradation you and he had pre-
pared for me — I was going back — but to
stay himself at home, and to send you as
his messenger — oh! it was infamous —
infamous.
MRS. ERLYNNE
[C] Lady Windermere, you wrong
me horribly — you wrong your husband
horribly. He doesn't know you are here
— he thinks you are safe in your own
house. He thinks you are asleep in your
own room. He never read the mad
letter you wrote to him 1
LADY WINDERMERE
[i?.] Never read it t
MRS. ERLYNNE
No — he knows nothing about it.
LADY WINDERMERE
How simple you think me 1 [Going
to her.'] You are lying to me 1
108
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
MUS. ERLYNNE ACT III.
[^Restraining herself.'] I am not, I am
telling you the truth.
LADY WINDEEMERE
If my husband didn't read my letter,
how is it that you are here ? Who told
you I had left the house you were
shameless enough to enter? Who told
you where I had gone to ? My husband
told you, and sent you to decoy me
back. \jCrosses Z.]
MRS. ERLYNNE
[i?.C] Your husband has never seen
the letter. I — saw it, I opened it. I —
read it.
LADY WINDERMERE
\Turning to her.'] You opened a letter
of mine to my husband ? You wouldn't
dare 1
MRS. ERLYNNE
Darel Ohl to save you from the
109
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT III. abyss into which you are falling, there is
nothing in the world I would not dare,
nothing in the whole world. Here is the
letter. Your husband has never read it.
. He never shall read it. [Going to fire-
place,'] It should never have been written.
[Tears it and throws it into the fire."]
LADY WINDERMERE
[ With infinite contempt in her voice and
look.] How do I know that that was
my letter after all ? You seem to think
the commonest device can take me in I
MRS. ERLYNNE
Oh ! why do you disbelieve everything
I tell you ? What object do you think
I have in coming here, except to save
you from utter ruin, to save you from
the consequence of a hideous mistake?
That letter that is burnt now was your
letter. I swear it to you 1
LADY WINDERMERE
[Slowly.] You took good care to burn
110
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
it before I had examined it. I cannot actiu
trust you. You, whose whole life is a
lie, how could you speak the truth about
anything ? \_Sz^s clown.']
MRS. ERLYNNE
[HurriedlyJ] Think as you like about
me — say what you choose against me,
but go back, go back to the husband
you love.
LADY WINDERMERE
[Sullenly,'] I do not love him 1
MRS. ERLYNNE
You do, and you know that he loves
you.
LADY WINDERMERE
He does not understand what love is.
He understands it as little as you do —
but I see what you want. It would be
a great advantage for you to get me
back. Dear Heaven ! what a life I
would have then 1 Living at the mercy
111
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT III. of a woman who has neither mercy nor
pity in her, a woman whom it is an
infamy to meet, ^ degradation to know,
a vile woman, a woman who comes be-
tween husband and wife 1
MRS. ERLYNNE
[JVi^A a gesture of despair^ Lady
Windermere, Lady Windermere, don't
say such terrible things. You don't know
how terrible they are, how terrible and
how unjust. Listen, you must listen 1
Only go back to your husband, and I
promise you never to communicate with
him again on any pretext— never to see
him — never to have anything to do with
his life or yours. The money that he
gave me, he gave me not through love,
but through hatred, not in worship, but
in contempt. The hold I have over
him
LADY WINDERMERE
\Rising^ Ah I you admit you have a
hold I
112
LADY WINDERMERE'S PAN
MRS. ERLYNNE ACT IIL
Yes, and I will tell you what it is. It
is his love for you, Lady Windermere,
LADY WINDERMERE
You expect me to believe that ?
MRS. ERLYNNE
You must believe it! It is true. It
is his love for you that has made him
submit to — oh ! call it what you like,
tyranny, threats, anything you choose.
But it is his love for you. His desire to
spare you — shame, yes, shame and dis-
grace.
LADY WINDERMERE
What do you mean ? You are in-
solent ! What have I to do with you ?
MRS. ERLYNNE
[Humbly,'] Nothing. I know it — but
I tell you that your husband loves you —
that you may never meet with such love
again in your whole life — that such love
H 118
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT III. you will never meet — and that if you
throw it away, the day may come when
you will starve for love and it will not
be given to you, beg for love and it will
be denied you — Oh I Arthur loves you I
LADY WINDERMERE
Arthur? And you tell me there is
nothing between you ?
MRS. ERLYNNE
Lady Windermere, before Heaven
your husband is guiltless of all offence
towards you I And I — I tell you that
had it ever occurred to me that such a
monstrous suspicion would have entered
your mind, I would have died rather than
have crossed your life or his — oh I died,
gladly died 1 [Moves away to sofa i?.]
LADY WINDERMERE
You talk as if you had a heart.
Women like you have no hearts. Heart
is not in you. You are bought and sold
\Sits L.C]
lU
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
MRS. ERLYNNE ACT II J.
[StartSy with a gesture of pain. Then
restrains herself, and comes over to where
LADY WINDERMERE is sitting, As sKe
speakSy she stretches out her hands towards
her, but does not dare to touch herJ\ Believe
what you choose about me. I am not
worth a moment's sorrow. But don't
spoil your beautiful young life on my
account ! You don't know what may be
in store for you, unless you leave this
house at once. You don't know what it
is to fall into the pit, to be despised,
mocked, abandoned, sneered at — to be an
outcast I to find the door shut against
one, to have to creep in by hideous by-
ways, afraid every moment lest the mask
should be stripped from one's face, and
all the while to hear the laughter, the
horrible laughter of the world, a thing
more tragic than all the tears the world
has ever shed. You don't know what it
is. One pays for one's sin, and then one
pays again, and all one's life one pays.
You must never know that. — As for me,
115
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT III. if suffering be an expiation, then at this
moment I have expiated all my faults,
whatever they have been ; for to-night
you have made a heart in one who had it
not, made it and broken it. — But let that
pass. I may have wrecked my own life,
but I will not let you wreck yours. You
— why, you are a mere girl, you would
be lost. You haven't got the kind of
brains that enables a woman to get back.
You have neither the wit nor the courage.
You couldn't stand dishonour ! No ! Go
back, Lady Windermere, to the husband
who loves you, whom you love. You
have a child. Lady Windermere. Go
back to that child who even now, in pain
or in joy, may be calling to you. [lady
WINDERMERE rtses.'\ God gave you that
child. He will require from you that
you make his life fine, that you watch
over him. What answer will you make
to God if his life is ruined through you ?
Back to your house. Lady Windermere
— your husband loves you I He has never
swerved for a moment from the love he
116
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
bears you. But even if he had a thousand ACT IIL
loves, you must stay with your child. If
he was harsh to you, you must stay with
your child. If he ill-treated you, you
must stay with your child. If he aban-
doned you, your place is with your child.
[lady WINDERMERE bursts iuto tcavs
and buries her face in her hands, '\
[Rushing to her.'] Lady Windermere !
LADY WINDERMERE
[Holding out her hands to her^ help^
lessfyy as a child might do,] Take me
home. Take me home.
MRS. ERLYNNE
[Is about to embrace her. Then re*
strains herself. There is a look of wonder^
ful joy in her face ^ Come! Where is
your cloak ? [Getting it from sofa.] Here.
Put it on. Come at once 1
[They go to the door.]
LADY WINDERMERE
Stop 1 Don't you hear voices ?
117
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT III. MRS, ERLYNNE
No, no 1 There is no one I
LADY WINDERMERE
Yes, there is ! Listen ! Oh 1 that is
my husband's voice 1 He is coming in 1
Save me! Oh, it's some plotl You
have sent for him.
[ Voices outside^
MRS. ERLYNNE
Silence 1 I'm here to save you, if I
can. But I fear it is too late 1 There I
[Points to the curtain across the window^
The first chance you have, slip out, if
you ever get a chance 1
LADY WINDERMERE
But you ?
MRS. ERLYNNE
Oh I never mind me. I '11 face them.
[lady WINDERMERE hides herself behind
the curtain,'\
118
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
LORD AUGUSTUS ACT IIL
[Ou^stde.'] Nonsense, dear Winder-
mere, you must not leave me t
MRS. ERLYNNE
Lord Augustus I Then it is I who
am lost I \Hesitates for a moment, then
looks round and sees door i?., and exit
through it.l
[Bnter lord Darlington, mr. dumby,
LORD WINDERMERE, LORD AUGUSTUS
LORTON, and MR. CECIL GRAHAM.
DUMBY
What a nuisance their turning us out
of the club at this hour ! It 's only two
o'clock. [Sinks into a chair,"] The lively
part of the evening is only just beginning,
[^Vawns and closes his eyes.'}
LORD WINDERMERE
It is very good of you. Lord Darling-
ton, allowing Augustus to force our
company on you, but I 'm afraid I can't
stay long,
119
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT III. LORD DARLINGTON
Really ! I am so sorry 1 You 11 take
a cigar, won't you ?
LORD WINDERMERE
Thanks 1 [^SUs downJ]
LORD AUGUSTUS
[Ti? LORD WINDERMERE.] My dear
l)oy, you must not dream of going. I
have a great deal to talk to you about, of
demmed importance, too. [Sits down with
him at L. table,'\
CECIL GRAHAM
Oh 1 We all know what that is I
Tuppy can't talk about anything but
Mrs. Erlynnel
LORD WINDERMERE
Well, that is no business of yours, is
it, Cecil ?
CECIL GRAHAM
Nonel That is why it interests me.
120
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
My own business always bores me to ACT ill.
death. I prefer other people's.
LORD DARLINGTON
Have something to drink, you fellows.
Cecil, you'll have a whisky and soda?
CECIL GRAHAM
Thanks. [Goes to table with lord
DARLINGTON.] Mrs. Erlynne looked very
handsome to-night, didn't she ?
LORD DARLINGTON
I am not one of her admirers.
CECIL GRAHAM
I usen't to be, but I am now. Why !
she actually made me introduce her to
poor dear Aunt Caroline. I believe she
is going to lunch there.
LORD DARLINGTON
\In surprise, '\ No ?
CECIL GRAHAM
She is, really.
121
LADY WINDERMERE S FAN
ACT III. LORD DARLINGTON
Excuse me, you fellows. I 'm going
away to-morrow. And I have to write
a few letters. IGoes to writing table and
sits downJ]
DUMBY
Clever woman, Mrs. Erlynne.
CECIL GRAHAM
Hallo, Dumby 1 I thought you were
asleep,
DUMBY
I am, I usually am I
LORD AUGUSTUS
A very clever woman. Knows per-
fectly well what a demmed fool I am —
knows it as well as I do myself.
[CECIL GRAHAM comes towards him
laughing^
Ah, you may laugh, my boy, but it is
a great thing to come across a woman
who thoroughly understands one.
122
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
DUMBY ACTIIL
It is an awfully dangerous thing. They
always end by marrying one.
CECIL GRAHAM
But I thought, Tuppy, you were never
going to see her again I Yes I you told
me so yesterday evening at the club.
You said you 'd heard
[ Whispering to himJ]
LORD AUGUSTUS
Oh, she 's explained that.
CECIL GRAHAM
And the Wiesbaden affair ?
LORD AUGUSTUS
She 's explained that too.
DUMBY
And her income, Tuppy? Has she
explained that ?
128
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT III. LORD AUGUSTUS
[In a very serious voice7\ She 's going
to explain that to-morrow.
[CECIL GRAHAM goes back to C. iableJl
DUMBY
Awfully commercial, women nowa-
days. Our grandmothers threw their
caps over the mills, of course, but, by
Jove, their granddaughters only throw
their caps over mills that can raise the
wind for them.
LORD AUGUSTUS
You want to make her out a wicked
woman. She is not I
CECIL GRAHAM
Oh! Wicked women bother one.
Good women bore one. That is the only
difference between them.
LORD AUGUSTUS
{Pii'ffing a cigar,'] Mrs. Erlynne has
a future before her.
124
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
DUMBY ACT III.
Mrs. Erlynne has a past before her,
LORD AUGUSTUS
I prefer women with a past. They 're
always so demmed amusing to talk to.
CECIL GRAHAM
Well, you '11 have lots of topics of con-
versation with hevy Tuppy. [Rising^ and
going to him,'\
LORD AUGUSTUS
You're getting annoying, dear boy;
you 're getting demmed annoying.
CECIL GRAHAM
[Puts his hands on his shoulders^ Now,
Tuppy, you've lost your figure and
you've lost your character. Don't lose
your temper ; you have only got one.
LORD AUGUSTUS
My dear boy, if I wasn't the most
good-natured man in London
125
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT III. CECIL GRAHAM
We 'd treat you with more respect,
wouldn't we, Tuppy ? [Strolls away,']
DUMBY
The youth of the present day are quite
monstrous. They have absolutely no
respect for dyed hair, [lord Augustus
looks round angrily^
CECIL GRAHAM
Mrs. Erlynne has a very great respect
for dear Tuppy.
DUMBY
Then Mrs. Erlynne sets an admirable
example to the rest of her sex. It is
perfectly brutal the way most women
nowadays behave to men who are not
their husbands.
LORD WINDERMERE
Dumby, you are ridiculous, and Cecil,
you let your tongue run away with you.
You must leave Mrs. Erlynne alone.
126
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
You don't really know anything about act in
her, and you're always talking scandal
against her.
CECIL GRAHAM
[Coming towards him Z.C] My dear
Arthur, I never talk scandal. / only
talk gossip.
LORD WINDERMERE
What is the difference between scandal
and gossip ?
CECIL GRAHAM
Oh! gossip is charming 1 History is
merely gossip. But scandal is gossip
made tedious by morality. Now, I never
moralise. A man who moralises is
usually a hypocrite, and a woman who
moralises is invariably plain. There is
nothing in the whole world so unbecom-
ing to a woman as a Nonconformist con-
science. And most women know it, I 'm
glad to say.
127
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT III. LORD AUGUSTUS
Just my sentiments, dear boy, just my
sentiments.
CECIL GRAHAM
Sorry to hear it, Tuppy; whenever
people agree with me, I always feel I
must be wrong.
LORD AUGUSTUS
My dear boy, when I was your
age
CECIL GRAHAM
But you never were, Tuppy, and you
never will be. [Goes up C] I say,
Darlington, let us have some cards.
You '11 play, Arthur, won't you ?
LORD WINDERMERE
No, thanks, Cecil.
DUMBY
[With a sigh J] Good heavens I how
marriage ruins a man 1 It 's as demoral-
128
LADY WIT^DERMERE'S FAN
ising as cigarettes, and far more expen- act hi.
sive.
CECIL GRAHAM
You 'U play, of course, Tuppy ?
LORD AUGUSTUS
\Pouring himself out a brandy and soda
at tabled] Can't, dear boy. Promised
Mrs. Erlynne never to play or drink
again.
CECIL GRAHAM
Now, my dear Tuppy, don't be led
astray into the paths of virtue. Re-
formed, you would be perfectly tedious.
That is the worst of women. They
always want one to be good. And if
we are good, when they meet us, they
don't love us at all. They like to find
us quite irretrievably bad, and to leave
us quite unattractively good.
LORD DARLINGTON
[Rising from R. table, where he has been
I 129
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT III. writing letters^ They always do find us
bad!
DUMBY
I don't think we are bad. I think we
are all good, except Tuppy.
LORD DARLINGTON
No, we are all in the gutter, but some
of us are looking at the stars. \Sits
down at C, table.']
DUMBY
We are all in the gutter, but some of
us are looking at the stars ? Upon my
word, you are very romantic to-night,
Darlington.
CECIL GRAHAM
Too romantic I You must be in love.
Who is the girl ?
LORD DARLINGTON
The woman I love is not free, or thinks
she isn't. [Glances instinctively at lord
WINDERMERE while he speaks.]
130
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
CECIL GRAHAM ACT III.
A married woman, then ! Well, there 's
nothing in the world like the devotion
of a married woman. It's a thing no
married man knows anything about.
LORD DARLINGTON
Ohl she doesn't love me. She is a
good woman. She is the only good
woman I have ever met in my life.
CECIL GRAHAM
The only good woman you have ever
met in your life ?
LORD DARLINGTON
Yesl
CECIL GRAHAM
[Lighting a cigarette^] Well, you are
a lucky fellow 1 Why, I have met
hundreds of good women. I never seem
to meet any but good women. The
world is perfectly packed with good
women. To know them is a middle-
class education.
131
LADY WINDERMERE S FAN
ACT III. LORD DARLINGTON
This woman has purity and innocence.
She has everything we men have lost,
CECIL GRAHAM
My dear fellow, what on earth should
we men do going about with purity and
innocence ? A carefully thought - out
buttonhole is much ijaore effective.
DUMBY
She doesn't really love you then ?
LORD DARLINGTON
No, she does not !
DUMBY
I congratulate you, my dear fellow.
In this world there are only two tragedies.
One is not getting what one wants, and
the other is getting it. The last is much
the worst, the last is a real tragedy! But
I am interested to hear she does not
love you. How long could you love a
woman who didn't love you, Cecil ?
132
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
CECIL GRAHAM ACT III.
A woman who didn't love me? Oh,
all my life 1
DUMBY
So could I. But it's so difficult to
meet one.
LORD DARLINGTON
How can you be so conceited, Dumby ?
DUMBY
I didn't say it as a matter of conceit.
I said it as a matter of regret. I have
been wildly, madly adored. I am sorry
I have. It has been an immense nui-
sance. I should like to be allowed a little
time to myself now and then.
LORD AUGUSTUS
[Looking round.'] Time to educate
yourself, I suppose.
DUMBY
No, time to forget all I have learned.
183
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
/^CTiii. That is much more important, dear
Tuppy. [lord AUGUSTUS moves uneasily
in his chair.']
LORD DARLINGTON
What cynics you fellows are I
CECIL GRAHAM
What is a cynic ? [^Sitting on the back
of the sofa,]
LORD DARLINGTON
A man who knows the price of every-
thing and the value of nothing.
CECIL GRAHAM
And a sentimentalist, my dear Dar-
lington, is a man who sees an absurd
value in everything, and doesn't know
the market price of any single thing.
LORD DARLINGTQ^r
You always amuse me, Cecil. You
talk as if you were a man of experience.
134
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN .
CECIL GRAHAM A.CT III
I am. [Moves up to front of fireplace^
LORD DARLINGTON
You are far too young !
CECIL GRAHAM
That is a great error. Experience is a
question of instinct about life. I have
got it. Tuppy hasn't. Experience is
the name Tuppy gives to his mistakes.
That is all. [lord Augustus looks round
indignantly^
DUMBY
Experience is the name every one gives
to their mistakes.
CECIL GRAHAM
[Standing with his back to the fireplace.']
One shouldn't commit any. [Sees lady
Windermere's y^;^ on sofa,]
DUMBY
Life would be very dull without them.
135
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT III. CECIL GRAHAM
Of course you are quite faithful to
this woman you are in love with, Dar-
lington, to this good woman ?
LOUD DARLINGTON
Cecil, if one really loves a woman, all
other women in the world become abso-
lutely meaningless to one. Love changes
one — / am changed,
CECIL GRAHAM
Dear mel How very interesting!
Tuppy, I want to talk to you. [lord
AUGUSTUS takes no notice^
DUMBY
It's no use talking to Tuppy. You
might just as well talk to a brick wall.
CECIL GRAHAM
But I like talking to a brick wall — ^it 's
the only thing in the world that never
contradicts me 1 Tuppy 1
186
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
LORD AUGUSTUS ACT III.
Well, what is it? What is it?
\Rising and going over to cecil graham.]
CECIL GRAHAM
Come over here. I want you particu-
larly. \Aside.'\ Darlington has been
moralising and talking about the purity
of love, and that sort of thing, and he
has got some woman in his rooms all the
time.
LORD AUGUSTUS
No, really 1 really 1
CECIL GRAHAM
\In a low voice,'] Yes, here is her fan.
[Points to the fanJ\
LORD AUGUSTUS
[Chuckling.'] By Jove I By Jove 1
LORD WINDERMERE
[Up by door,] I am really off now,
137
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT III. Lord Darlington. I am sorry you are
leaving England so soon. Pray call on
us when you come back 1 My wife and
I will be charmed to see you 1
LORD DARLINGTON
{Up stage with lord Windermere.] 1
am afraid I shall be away for many years.
Gk)od-night 1
CECIL GRAHAM
Arthur !
LORD WINDERMERE
What ?
CECIL GRAHAM
I want to speak to you for a moment.
No, do come !
LORD WINDERMERE
[Putting on his coatJ\ I can't — I 'n)
offl
188
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
CECIL GRAHAM ACT III.
It is something very particular. It
will interest you enormously.
LORD WINDERMERE
[Smiling,'] It is some of your non-
sense, CeciL
CECIL GRAHAM
It isn't I It isn't really.
LORD AUGUSTUS
[Going to him.'] My dear feUow, you
mustn't go yet. I have a lot to talk to
you about. And Cecil has something to
show you.
LORD WINDERMERE
[ Walking over.] Well, what is it ?
CECIL GRAHAM
Darlington has got a woman here in
his rooms. Here is her fan. Amusing,
isn't it ? [A pause.]
139
LADY WINDERMERE S FAN
ACT III. LORD WINDERMERE
Good God 1 [Seizes the fan — dumby
rises^
CECIL GRAHAM
What is the matter ?
LORD WINDERMERE
Lord Darlington I
LORD DARLINGTON
[ Turning rotmd.'] Yes 1
LORD WINDERMERE
What is my wife's fan doing here in
your rooms? Hands off, Cecil Don't
touch me.
LORD DARLINGTON
Your wife's fan ?
LORD WINDERMERE
Yes, here it is 1
140
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
LORD DARLINGTON ACT IIL
[^Walking towards kim.'\ I don't
knowl
LORD WINDERMERE
You must know. I demand an ex-
planation. Don't hold me, you fooL
[To CECIL GRAHAM.]
LORD DARLINGTON
[Aside.'] She is here after all 1
LORD WINDERMERE
Speak, sir I Why is my wife's fan
here ? Answer me I By God I I '11
search your rooms, and if my wife 's here,
I'll [Moves.']
LORD DARLINGTON
You shall not search my rooms. You
have no right to do so. I forbid you !
LORD WINDERMERE
You scoundrel! I'll not leave your
141
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT HI. room till I have searched every corner of
itl What moves behind that curtain?
[Rushes towards the curtain C]
MRS. ERLYNNE
{Enters behind /?.] Lord Winder-
mere I
LORD WINDERMERE
Mrs. Erlynne!
\JEvery one starts and turns round,
LADY WINDERMERE sHps out from behind
the curtain and glides from the room Z.]
MRS. ERLYNNE
I am afraid I took your wife's fan in
mistake for my own, when I was leaving
your house to-night. I am so sorry.
[Takes fan from him, lord Windermere
looks at her in contempt, lord darling-
ton in mingled astonishment and anger,
lord AUGUSTUS tums away. The other
men smile at each other."]
Act Drop.
142
FOURTH ACT
FOURTH ACT
S C E N E-'Same as in Act I.
LADY WINDERMERE
[^Lying on so/a,'] How can I tell him ?
I can't tell him. It would kill me. I
wonder what happened after I escaped
from that horrible room. Perhaps she
told them the true reason of her being
there, and the real meaning of that — fatal
fan of mine. Oh, if he knows — how can
I look him in the face again ? He would
never forgive me. [^ToucAes bell,] How
securely one thinks one lives — out of
reach of temptation, sin, folly. And
then suddenly — Oh I Life is terrible.
It rules us, we do not rule it.
[Enter rosalie 7?.]
ROSALIE
Did your ladyship ring for me ?
K 145
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT IV. LADY WINDERMERE
Yes. Have you found out at what
time Lord Windermere came in last
night?
ROSALIE
His lordship did not come in till five
o'clock.
IJkDY WINDERMERE
Five o'clock ? He knocked at my
door this morning, didn't he ?
ROSALIE
Yes, my lady — at half-past nine. I
told him your ladyship was not awake
yet.
LADY WINDERMERE
Did he say anything ?
ROSALIE
Something about your ladyship's fan.
I didn't quite catch what his lordship
said. Has tlie fan been lost, my lady ?
146
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
I can't find it, and Parker says it was activ
not left in any of the rooms. He has
looked in all of them and on the terrace
as well.
LADY WINDERMERE
It doesn't matter. Tell Parker not to
trouble. That will do.
lExil ROSALIE.]
LADY WINDERMERE
[Rising'.'] She is sure to tell him. I
can fancy a person doing a wonderful
act of self-sacrifice, doing it spontane-
ously, recklessly, nobly — and afterwards
finding out that it costs too much. Why
should she hesitate between her ruin and
mine ? . . . How strange 1 I would have
publicly disgraced her in my own house.
She accepts public disgrace in the house
of another to save me. . . . There is a
bitter irony in things, a bitter irony in
the way we talk of good and bad women.
. . . Oh, what a lesson ! and what a pity
that in liie we only get our lessons when
147
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT rv. they are of no use to us I For even if
she doesn't tell, I must. Oh I the shame
of it, the shame of it. To tell it is to live
through it all again. Actions are the
first tragedy in life, words are the second.
Words are perhaps the worst. Words
are merciless. . . . Oh 1 [Starts as lord
WINDERMERE enters.']
LOUD WINDERMERE
[Kisses her."] Margaret — how pale you
lookl
LADY WINDERMERE
I slept very badly.
LORD WINDERMERE
[Sitting on sofa with her.] I am so
sorry. I came in dreadfully late, and
didn't like to wake you. You are cry-
ing, dear.
LADY WINDERMERE
Yes, I am crying, for I have something
to tell you, Arthur.
148
LADY WINDERMERE S PAN
LORD WINDERMERE ACT IV.
My dear child, you are not well.
You Ve been doing too much. Let us
go away to the country. You '11 be all
right at Selby. The season is almost
over. There is no use staying on. Poor
darling I We 11 go away to-day, if you
like. IRtses,'] We can easily catch the
3.40. I'll send a wire to Fannen.
^Crosses and sits down at table to write
a telegram^
LADY WINDERMERE
Yes; let us go away to-day. No; I
can't go to-day, Arthur. There is some
one I must see before I leave town —
some one who has been kind to me.
LORD WINDERMERE
[Rising and leaning over sofai\ Kind
to you ?
LADY WINDERMERE
Far more than that. [Rises and goes
to himJ\ I will tell you, Arthur, but
149
LADY WINDERMERE S FAN
ACT IV. only love me, love me as you used to
love me.
LORD WINDERMERE
Used to? You are not thinking of
that wretched woman who came here
last night? [Coming round and sitting
R. of AerJ] You don't still imagine —
no, you couldn't.
LADY WINDERMERE
1 don't. I know now I was wrong
and foolish.
LORD WINDERMERE
It was very good of you to receive her
last night — but you are never to see her
again.
LADY WINDERMERE
Why do you say that ? [A pausej]
LORD WINDERMERE
[Holding her kandJ] Margaret, I
thought Mrs. Erlynne was a woman
150
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
more sinned against than sinning, as the ACT iv.
phrase goes. I thought she wanted to
be good, to get back into a place that
she had lost by a moment's folly, to lead
again a decent life. I believed what she
tolJ me — I was mistaken in her. She is
bad — as bad as a woman can be.
LADY WINDERMERE
Arthur, Arthur, don't talk so bitterly
about any woman. I don't think now
that people can be divided into the good
and the bad as though they were two
separate races or creations. What are
called good women may have terrible
things in them, mad moods of reck-
lessness, assertion, jealousy, sin. Bad
women, as they are termed, may have in
them sorrow, repentance, pity, sacrifice.
And I don't think Mrs. Erlynne a bad
woman — I know she 's not.
LORD WINDERMERE
My dear child, the woman 's impossible.
No matter what harm she tries to do us,
151
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT IV. you must never see her again. She is
inadmissible anywhere.
LADY WINDERMERE
But I want to see her. I want her to
come here.
LORD WINDERMERE
Never I
LADY WINDERMERE
She came here once as your guest.
She must come now as mine. That is
but fair.
LORD WINDERMERE
She should never have come here.
LADY WINDERMERE
\Rtsing.'] It is too late, Arthur, to
say that now. [Moves away.']
LORD WINDERMERE
[RistngJ] Margaret, if you knew
where Mrs. Erlynne went last night,
152
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
after she left this house, you would not act iv,
sit in the same room with her. It was
absolutely shameless, the whole thing.
LADY WINDERMERE
Arthur, I can't bear it any longer. I
must tell you. Last night— — -
[Enter parker with a tray on which
lie LADY Windermere's ya« and a card.
PARKER
Mrs. Erlynne has called to return your
ladyship's fan which she took away by
mistake last night. Mrs. Erlynne has
written a message on the card.
LADY WINDERMERE
Oh, ask Mrs. Erlynne to be kind
enough to come up. [Reads card,"] Say
I shall be very glad to see her.
[Bxit PARKER.
She wants to see me, Arthur.
LORD WINDERMERE
[Takes card and looks at it."] Margaret,
153
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT IV. I beg you not to. Let me see her first,
at any rate. She*s a very dangerous
woman. She is the most dangerous
woman I know. You don't realise what
you 're doing.
LADY WINDERMERE
It is right that I should see her.
LORD WINDERMERE
My child, you may be on the brink of
a great sorrow. Don't go to meet it.
It is absolutely necessary that I should
see her before you do.
LADY WINDERMERE
Why should it be necessary ?
[^Enter parker.]
PARKER
Mrs. Erlynne,
[Enter mrs. erlynne.]
[Exit PARKER.]
MRS. ERLYNNE
How do you do. Lady Windermere ?
154
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
[To LORD WINDERMERE.] HoW do yOU ACT IV.
do ? Do you know, Lady Windermere,
I am so sorry about your fan. I can't
imagine how I made such a silly mis-
take. Most stupid of me. And as I
was driving in your direction, I thought
I would take the opportunity of return-
ing your property in person with many
apologies for my carelessness, and of bid-
ding you good-bye.
LADY WINDERMERE
Good-bye ? \_Moves towards sofa with
MRS. ERLYNNE and stts dowfi beside her^
Are you going away, then, Mrs.
Erlynne ?
MRS. ERLYNNE
Yes ; I am going to live abroad again.
The English climate doesn't suit me.
My — heart is affected here, and that I
don't like. I prefer living in the south.
London is too full of fogs and — and
serious people. Lord Windermere.
Whether the fogs produce the serious
155
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT IV. people or whether the serious people
produce the fogs, I don't know, but
the whole thing rather gets on my nerves,
and so I 'm leaving this afternoon by the
Club Train.
LADY WINDERMERE
This afternoon? But I wanted so
much to come and see you.
MRS. ERLYNNE
How kind of you 1 But I am afraid I
have to go.
LADY WINDERMERE
Shall I never see you again, Mrs.
Erlynne ?
MRS. ERLYNNE
I am afraid not. Our lives lie too far
apart. But there is a little thing I would
like you to do for me. I want a photo-
graph of you, Lady Windermere — would
you give me one ? You don't know how
gratified I should be.
156
LADY WINDERMERE S FAN
LADY WINDERMERE ACT IV.
Oh, with pleasure. There is one on
that table. I '11 show it to you, \^Goes
across to the tableJ]
LORD WINDERMERE
[Coming up to MRS. erlynne and speak--
ing in a low voice 7\ It is monstrous your
intruding yourself here after your con-
duct last night.
MRS. erlynne
\With an amused smileJ] My dear
Windermere, manners before morals 1
LADY WINDERMERE
[ReturningJ\ I'm afraid it is very
flattering — I am not so pretty as that.
[Showing photograph.'\
MRS. ERLYNNE
You are much prettier. But haven't
you got one of yourself with your little
boy?
157
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT IV. LADY WINDERMERE
I have. Would you prefer one of
those ?
MRS. ERLYNNE
Yes.
LADY WINDERMERE
I '11 go and get it for you, if you H
excuse me for a moment. I have one
upstairs.
MRS. ERLYNNE
So sorry, Lady Windermere, to give
you so much trouble.
LADY WINDERMERE
[^Moves to door /?.] No trouble at all,
Mrs. Erlynne.
MRS. ERLYNNE
Thanks so much.
{Exit LADY WINDERMERE i?.]
You seem rather out of temper this
morning, Windermere. Why should
158
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
you be ? Margaret and I get on charm- act iv,
ingly together.
LORD WINDERMERE
I can't bear to see you with her.
Besides, you have not told me the truth,
Mrs. Erlynne.
MRS. ERLYNNE
I have not told her the truth, you
mean.
LORD WINDERMERE
[Standing C] I sometimes wish you
had. I should have been spared then
the misery, the anxiety, the annoyance
of the last six months. But rather than
my wife should know — that the mother
whom she was taught to consider as
dead, the mother whom she has mourned
as dead, is living — a divorced woman,
going about under an assumed name, a
bad woman preying upon Ufe, as I know
you now to be — rather than that, I was
ready to supply you with money to pay
159
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT IV. bill after bill, extravagance after extrava-
gance, to risk what occurred yesterday,
the first quarrel I have ever had with my
wife. You don't understand what that
means to me. How could you ? But I
tell you that the only bitter words that
ever came from those sweet lips of hers
were on your account, and I hate to see
you next her. You sully the innocence
that is in her. \_Moves L.C] And then
I used to think that with all your faults
you were frank and honest. You are
not.
MRS. ERLYNNE
Why do you say that ?
LORD WINDERMERE
You made me get you an invitation to
my wife's ball
MRS. ERLYNNE
For my daughter's ball — yes.
160
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
LORD WINDERMEEJE ACT IV
You came, and within an hour of your
leaving the house you are found in a
man's rooms — you are disgraced before
every one. \^Goes up stage C]
MRS. ERLYNNE
Yes.
LORD WINDERMERE
\Turning round on her,'\ Therefore I
have a right to look upon you as what
you are — a worthless, vicious woman. I
have the right to tell you never to enter
this house, never to attempt to come
near my wife— —
MRS. ERLYNNE
\Coldly^ My daughter, you mean.
LORD WINDERMERE
You have no right to claim her as your
daughter. You left her, abandoned her
when she was but a child in the cradle,
abandoned her for your lover, who
abandoned you in turn.
L 161
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT IV. MRS. ERLYNNE
[^Rtstn£;'\ Do you count that to his
credit, Lord Windermere — or to mine ?
LORD WINDERMERE
To his, now that I know you.
MRS. ERLYNNE
Take care — you had better be careful,
LORD WINDERMERE
Oh, I am not going to mince words
for you. I know you thoroughly.
MRS. ERLYNNE
\Looking steadily at him^ I question
that.
LORD WINDERMERE
I do know you. For twenty years of
your life you lived without your child,
without a thought of your child. One
day you read in the papers that she
had married a rich man. You saw your
hideous chance. You knew that to spare
her the ignominy of learning that a
162
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
woman like you was her mother, I would ACT IV.
endure an3rthing. You began your black-
mailing,
MBS. ERLYNNE
[Shrugging her shoulders.'] Don't use
ugly words, Windermere. They are
vulgar. I saw my chance, it is true, and
took it,
LORD WINDERMERE
Yes, you took it — and spoiled it all
last night by being found out.
MRS. ERLYNNE
[ With a strange smile.] You are quite
right, I spoiled it all last night.
LORD WINDERMERE
And as for your blunder in taking my
wife's fan from here and then leaving it
about in Darlington's rooms, it is un-
pardonable. I can't bear the sight of it
now. I shall never let my wife use it
again. The thing is soiled for me. You
168
LADY WINDERMERE'S PAN
ACT IV. should have kept it and not brought it
back.
MRS. ERLYNNE
I think I shall keep it. [Goes up.^
It's extremely pretty. [Takes up /an,']
I shall ask JNIargaret to give it to me.
LORD WINDERMERE
I hope my wife will give it you.
MRS. ERLYNNE
Oh, I'm sure she will have no ob-
jection.
LORD WINDERMERE
I wish that at the same time she would
give you a miniature she kisses every
night before she prays — It's the minia-
ture of a young innocent-looking girl
with beautiful dark hair.
MRS. ERLYNNE
Ah, yes, I remember. How long ago
that seems 1 [Goes to sofa and sits down."]
164
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
It was done before I was married. Dark ACT IV,
hair and an innocent expression were the
fashion then, Windermere 1 [A pauseJ]
LORD WINDERMERE
What do you mean by coming here
this morning? What is your object?
\Crossing L. C. and sitting^
MRS. ERLYNNE
[With a note of irony in her voice,'] To
bid good-bye to my dear daughter, of
course, [lord windermere 6ites Ms
under lip in anger, mrs. erlynne looks
at hifHy and her voice and manner become
serious. In her accents as she talks there
is a note of deep tragedy. For a moment
she reveals herself?^ Oh, don't imagine
I am going to have a pathetic scene with
her, weep on her neck and tell her who
I am, and all that kind of thing. I
have no ambition to play the part of a
mother. Only once in my life have I
known a mother's feelings. That was
last night. They were terrible — they
165
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
kCTlv. made me suffer — they made me suffer
too much. For twenty years, as you
say, I have lived childless, — I want to
live childless still. \Hiding her feelings
with a trivial laughJ] Besides, my dear
Windermere, how on earth could I pose
as a mother with a grown-up daughter ?
Margaret is twenty-one, and I have
never admitted that I am more than
twenty-nine, or thirty at the most.
Twenty-nine when there are pink shades,
thirty when there are not. So you see
what difficulties it would involve. No,
as far as I am concerned, let your wife
cherish the memory of this dead, stain-
less mother. Why should I interfere
with her illusions ? I find it hard enough
to keep my own. I lost one illusion last
night. I thought 1 had no heart. I find
I have, and a heart doesn't suit me,
Windermere. Somehow it doesn't go
with modern dress. It makes one look
old. [Takes up hand-mirror from table
and looks into it^ And it spoils one's
career at critical moments.
166
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
LORD WINDERMERE ACT IV.
You fill me with horror — with absolute
horror.
MRS. ERLYNNE
[RisingJ] I suppose, Windermere, you
would like me to retire into a convent,
or become a hospital nurse, or something
of that kind, as people do in silly modern
novels. That is stupid of you, Arthur ;
in real life we don't do such things — not
as long as we have any good looks left, at
any rate. No — what consoles one now-
adays is not repentance, but pleasure.
Repentance is quite out of date. And
besides, if a woman really repents, she
has to go to a bad dressmaker, otherwise
no one believes in her. And nothing in
the world would induce me to do that.
No; I am going to pass entirely out of
your two lives. My coming into them
has been a mistake — I discovered that
last night.
LORD WINDERMERE
A fatal mistake.
167
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT IV. MRS. ERLYNNE
[Smiling.'] Almost fataL
LORD WINDERMERE
I am sorry now I did not tell my wife
the whole thing at once.
MRS. ERLYNNE
I regret my bad actions. You regret
your good ones — that is the difference
between us.
LORD WINDERMERE
I don't trust you. I will tell my wife.
It 's better for her to know, and from me.
It will cause her infinite pain — it will
humiliate her terribly, but it 's right that
she should know.
MRS. ERLYNNE
You propose to tell her ?
LORD WINDERMERE
I am going to tell her.
168
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
MRS. ERLYNNE ACT IV.
\Going up to him.'] If you do, I will
make my name so infamous that it will
mar every moment of her life. It will
ruin her, and make her wretched. If
you dare to tell her, there is no depth of
degradation I wiU not sink to, no pit of
shame I will not enter. You shall not
tell her — I forbid you.
LORD WINDERMERE
Why?
MRS. ERLYNNE
[After a pause.] If I said to you that
I cared for her, perhaps loved her even —
you would sneer at me, wouldn't you ?
LORD WINDERMERE
I should feel it was not true. A
mother's love means devotion, unselfish-
ness, sacrifice. What could you know
of such things ?
169
LADY WI^DERMERES FAN
ACT IV. MRS. ERLYNNE
You are right. What could I know
of such things ? Don't let us talk any
more about it — as for telling my daughter
who I am, that I do not allow. It is my
secret, it is not yours. If I make up my
mind to teU her, and I think I will, I
shall tell her before I leave the house —
if not, I shall never tell her,
LORD WINDERMERE
^Angrily.'] Then let me beg of you
to leave our house at once. I will make
your excuses to Margaret.
[Enter lady Windermere R, She
goes over to mrs. erlynne with the
photograph in her hand, lord winder-
mere moves to back of sofa, and anxiously
watches mrs. erlynne as the scene pro-
gresses^
LADY WINDERMERE
I am so sorry, Mrs. Erlynne, to have
kept you waiting. I couldn't find the
photograph anywhere. At last I dis-
170
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
covered it in my husband's dressing-room ACT IV
— he had stolen it.
MRS. ERLYNNE
\_Takes the photograph from her and
looks at zt,'\ I am not surprised — it is
charming. [^Goes over to sofa with lady
WINDERMERE, and stts down beside her.
Looks again at the photograph7\ And so
that is your little boy I What is he
called ?
LADY WINDERMERE
Gerard, after my dear father.
MRS. ERLYNNE
\Laying the photograph down,'] Really t
LADY WINDERMERE
Yes. If it had been a girl, I would
have called it after my mother. My
mother had the same name as myself,
Margaret.
MRS. ERLYNNE
My name is Margaret too.
171
LADY WINDERMERE S FAN
ACT IV. LADY WINDERMEKE
Indeed !
MRS. ERLYNNE
Yes. [Pause."] You are devoted to
your mother's memory. Lady Winder-
mere, your husband tells me.
LADY WINDERMERE
We all have ideals in life. At least
we all should have. Mine is my mother.
MRS. ERLYNNE
Ideals are dangerous things. Realities
are better. They wound, but they're
better.
LADY WINDERMERE
[Shaking her head.] If I lost my
ideals, I should lose everything.
MRS. ERLYNNE
Everything ?
LADY WINDERMERE
Yes. [Pause.']
172
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
MRS. ERLYNNE ACT IV.
Did your father often speak to you of
your mother ?
LADY WINDERIMERE
No, it gave him too much pain. He
told me how my mother had died a few
months after I was born. His eyes filled
with tears as he spoke. Then he begged
me never to mention her name to him
again. It made him suffer even to hear
it. My father — my father really died of
a broken heart. His was the most ruined
life I know.
MRS. ERLYNNE
IRzstn^'.'] I am afraid I must go now.
Lady Windermere.
LADY WINDERMERE
[Jitsin^^.'] Oh no, don*t.
MRS. ERLYNNE
I think I had better. My carriage
must have come back by this time. I
sent it to Lady Jedburgh s with a note.
173
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT IV. LADY WINDERMERE
Arthur, would you mind seeing if Mrs.
Erlynne's carriage has come back ?
MRS. ERLYNNE
Pray don't trouble, Lord Windermere.
LADY WINDERMERE
Yes, Arthur, do go, please.
[lord WINDERMERE hesitates for a
moment and looks at mrs. erlynne. She
remains quite impassive. He leaves the
room,']
[To MRS. erlynne.] Ohl What am
I to say to you? You saved me last
night ? l^Goes towards her,]
MRS. ERLYNNE
Hush — don't speak of it.
LADY WINDERMERE
I must speak of it. I can't let you
think that I am going to accept this
sacrifice. I am not. It is too great. I
am going to tell my husband everything.
It is my duty.
174
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
MRS. ERLYNNE ACT IV,
It is not your duty — at least you have
duties to others besides him. You say
you owe me something ?
LADY WINDERMERE
I owe you everything.
MRS. ERLYNNE
Then pay your debt by silence. That
is the only way in which it can be paid.
Don't spoil the one good thing I have
done in my life by telling it to any one.
Promise me that what passed last night
will remain a secret between us. You
must not bring misery into your hus-
band's life. Why spoil his love ? You
must not spoil it. Love is easily killed.
Ohl how easily love is killed. Pledge
me your word, Lady Windermere, that
you will never tell him. I insist upon
it.
LADY WINDERMERE
[Wiik bowed head,'] It is your will,
not mine.
175
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT IV. MRS. ERLYNNE
Yes, it is my wilL And never forget
your child — I like to think of you as a
mother. I like you to think of yourself
as one.
LADY WINDERMERE
\Looking up,'] I always will now.
Only once in my life 1 have forgotten
my own mother — that was last night.
Oh, if I had remembered her I should
not have been so foolish, so wicked.
MRS. ERLYNNE
\^Wiik a slight shudderj] Hush, last
night is quite over.
{Enter lord Windermere.]
LORD WINDERMERE
Your carriage has not come back yet,
Mrs. Erlynne.
MRS. ERLYNNE
It makes no matter. Ill take a
hansom. There is nothing in the world
176
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
so respectable as a good Shrewsbury and ACT iv.
Talbot And now, dear Lady Winder-
mere, I am afraid it is really good-bye.
\_Moves up C] Oh, I remember. You '11
think me absurd, but do you know I Ve
taken a great fancy to this fan that I
was silly enough to run away with last
night from your ball. Now, I wonder
would you give it to me ? Lord Winder-
mere says you may. I know it is his
present.
LADY WINDERMERE
Oh, certainly, if it will give you any
pleasure. But it has my name on it. It
has * Margaret ' on it.
MRS. ERLYNNE
But we have the same Christian name.
LADY WINDERMERE
Oh, I forgot. Of course, do have it.
What a wonderful chance our names
being the same 1
M 177
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT IV. MRS. ERLYNNE
Quite wonderful. Thanks — it wiD
always remind me of you. [Shakes hands
with herJ]
[Enter parker.]
PARKER
Lord Augustus Lorton. Mrs.
Erlynne's carriage has come.
[Enter lord Augustus.]
LORD AUGUSTUS
Good morning, dear boy. Good
morning, Lady Windermere. [Sees mrs.
ERLYNNE.] Mrs. Erlyuuc I
MRS. ERLYNNE
How do you do. Lord Augustus ?
Are you quite well this morning ?
LORD AUGUSTUS
[ColdlyJ] Quite well, thank you, Mrs.
Erljmne.
178
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
MRS. ERLYNNE ACT IV.
You don't look at all well, Lord
Augustus. You stop up too late — it is
so bad for you. You really should take
more care of yourself. Good-bye, Lord
Windermere. [Goes towards door with a
bow to LORD AUGUSTUS. Suddenly smiles
and looks back at him,'\ Lord Augustus I
Won't you see me to my carriage ? You
might carry the fan.
LORD WINDERMERE
Allow me 1
MRS. ERLYNNE
No; I want Lord Augustus. I have
a special message for the dear Duchess.
Won't you carry the fan, Lord Augustus ?
LORD AUGUSTUS
If you really desire it, Mrs. Erlynne.
MRS. ERLYNNE
[LaughingJ] Of course I do. You 11
carry it so gracefully. You would carry
179
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT IV. off anything gracefully, dear Lord
Augustus.
{When she reaches the door she looks
back for a moment at lady Windermere.
Their eyes meet. Then she turns, and
exit C. followed by lord Augustus.]
LADY WINDERMERE
You will never speak against Mrs.
Erlynne again, Arthur, will you ?
LORD WINDERMERE
{Gravely?^ She is better than one
thought her.
LADY WINDERMERE
She is better than I am.
LORD WINDERMERE
[Smiling as he strokes her hair.'] Child,
you and she belong to different worlds.
Into your world evil has never entered.
IJLDY WINDERMERE
Don't say that, Arthur. There is the
180
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
same world for all of us, and good and act tv.
evil, sin and innocence, go through it
hand in hand. To shut one's eyes to
half of life that one may live securely is
as though one blinded oneself that one
might walk with more safety in a land of
pit and precipice.
LORD WINDERMERE
[Moves down with Aer.] Darling, why
do you say that ?
LADY WINDERMERE
[Sits on sofa,'] Because I, who had
shut my eyes to life, came to the brink.
And one who had separated us
LORD WINDERMERE
We were never separated.
LADY WINDERMERE
We never must be again. O Arthur,
don't love me less, and I will trust you
more. I will trust you absolutely. Let
181
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
ACT IV. US go to Selby. In the Rose Garden at
Selby the roses are white and red.
[^Enter lord Augustus C]
LORD AUGUSTUS
Arthur, she has explained everything I
[lady WINDERMERE looks horribly
frightened at this, lord Windermere
starts. LORD AUGUSTUS takes Windermere
by the arm and brings him to front of stage.
He talks rapidly and in a low voice, lady
WINDERMERE Stands watching them in
terror. '^
My dear fellow, she has explained every
demmed thing. We all wronged her
immensely. It was entirely for my sake
she went to Darlington's rooms. Called
first at the Club — fact is, wanted to put
me out of suspense — and being told I had
gone on — followed — naturally frightened
when she heard a lot of us coming in —
retired to another room — I assure you,
most gratifying to me, the whole thing.
We all behaved brutally to her. She is
182
LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN
just the woman for me. Suits me down activ.
to the ground. All the conditions she
makes are that we live entirely out of
England. A very good thing too.
Demmed clubs, demmed climate, demmed
cooks, demmed everything. Sick of it
all!
LADY WINDEKMERE
[Frightened,'] Has Mrs. Erlynne-
LORD AUGUSTUS
[Advancing towards her with a low bow^
Yes, Lady Windermere — Mrs. Erlynne
has done me the honour of accepting my
hand.
LORD WINDERMERE
Well, you are certainly marrying a
very clever woman I
LADY WINDERMERE
[Taking her husband! s hand,] Ah,
you 're marrying a very good woman I
Curtain
183
THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING
EARNEST
TO
ROBERT BALDWIN ROSS
IN APPRECIATION
AND
AFFECTION
THE PERSONS OF THE PLAY
JOHN WORTHING, J.P.
ALGERNON MONCRIEFF
REV. CANON CHASUBLE, D.D.
MERRIMAN, Butler
LANE, Manservant
LADY BRACKNELL
HON. GWENDOLEN FAIRFAX
CECILY CARDEW
MISS PRISM, Governess
THE SCENES OF THE PLAY
Act I. Algernon Moncriefs Flat in Half -Moon
Street, W,
Act II. The Garden at the Manor House, Woolton,
Act III. Drawing-Room at the Manor Hoiise^
Woolton,
Time : Tlie Present.
LONDON: ST. JAMES'S THEATRE
Lessee and Manager : Mr. George Alexander
February \Uhy 1895
John Worthing, J. P. . Mr, George Alexander.
Algernon Moncrieff • Mr. Allen Aynesworth.
Rev. Canon Chasuble,
D.D Mr.H.H. Vincent.
Merriman {Butler) . . Mr. Frank Dyall.
Lane {Manservant) . . Mr, F. Kinsey Peile.
Lady Bracknell , • . Miss Rose Leclercq.
Hon. Gwendolen Fair-
fax Miss Irene Vanbrugh,
Cecily Cardew , . , Miss Evelyn Millard,
Miss Prism {Governess) • Mrs, George Cannvnge.
FIRST ACT
SCENE
Morning-room in Algernon's flat in Half-Moon Street,
The room is luxuriously and artistically furnished.
The sound of a piano is heard in the adjoining room.
[lane is arranging afternoon tea on the
table^ and after the music has ceased^ Alger-
non enters^
ALGERNON
Did you hear what I was playing, Lane ?
LANE
I didn't think it polite to listen, sir.
ALGERNON
I'm sorry for that, for your sake. I
don't play accurately — any one can play
accurately — but I play with wonderful
expression. As far as the piano is con-
cerned, sentiment is my forte. I keep
science for Life,
A 1
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACTL LANE
Yes, sir.
ALGERNON
And, speaking of the science of Life,
have you got the cucumber sandwiches cut
for Lady Bracknell ?
LANE
Yes, sir. [Hands them on a salver!\
ALGERNON
\Inspects thenty takes two^ and sits down
on the sofaJ] Oh 1 ... by the way. Lane,
I see from your book that on Thursday
night, when Lord Shoreman and Mr.
Worthing were dining with me, eight
bottles of champagne are entered as having
been consumed.
LANE
Yes, sir ; eight bottles and a pint
ALGERNON
Why is it that at a bachelor's establish-
ment the servants invariably drink the
champagne ? I ask merely for information.
2
BEING EARNEST
LANE ACTL
1 attribute it to the superior quality of
the wine, sir. I have often observed that
in married households the champagne is
rarely of a first-rate brand.
ALGERNON
Good Heavens I Is marriage so de-
moralising as that ?
LANE
I believe it w a very pleasant state, sir.
I have had very little experience of it
myself up to the present I have only
been married once. That was in conse-
quence of a misunderstanding between
myself and a young person.
ALGERNON
\^Languidly?^ I don't know that I am
much interested in your family life. Lane.
LANE
No, sir; it is not a very interesting
subject. I never think of it myself.
8
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT I. ALGERNON
Very natural, I am sure. That will do.
Lane, thank you.
LANE
Thank you, sir. [lane goes out^
ALGERNON
Lane's views on marriage seem somewhat
lax. Really, if the lower orders don't set
us a good example, what on earth is the
use of them ? They seem, as a class, to
have absolutely no sense of moral responsi-
biUty.
[Enter lane.]
LANE
Mr. Ernest Worthing.
[Enter jack.] [lane goes out,']
ALGERNON
How are you, my dear Ernest ? What
brings you up to town ?
JACK
Oh, pleasure, pleasure 1 What else should
bring one anywhere? Eating as usual, I
see, Algy I
4
BEING EARNEST
ALGERNON ACT I.
\Stiffly.'\ I believe it is customary in
good society to take some slight refresh-
ment at five o'clock. Where have you
been since last Thursday ?
JACK
{Sitting down on the so/a,"] In the
country.
ALGERNON
What on earth do you do there ?
JACK
[Pulling off his gloves,"] When one is in
town one amuses oneself. When one is in
the country one amuses other people. It
is excessively boring.
ALGERNON
And who are the people you amuse ?
JACK
[Airily,'] Oh, neighbours, neighbours. '
ALGERNON
Got nice neighbours in your part of
Shropshire ?
5
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACTL JACK
Perfectly horrid I Never speak to one
of them.
ALGERNON
How immensely you must amuse them !
[^Goes over and takes sandwich,'] By the
way, Shropshire is your county, is it not ?
JACK
Eh? Shropshire? Yes, of course. Hallo!
Why all these cups? Why cucumber
sandwiches ? Why such reckless extrava-
gance in one so young ? Who is coming
to tea ?
ALGERNON
Ohl merely Aunt Augusta and Gwen-
dolen.
JACK
How perfectly delightful!
ALGERNON
Yes, that is all very well; but I am
afraid Aunt Augusta won't quite approve
of your being here,
0
BEING EARNEST
JACK ACT 1.
May I ask why ?
ALGERNON
My dear fellow, the way you flirt with
Gwendolen is perfectly disgraceful. It is
almost as bad as the way Gwendolen flirts
with you.
JACK
I am in love with Gwendolen. I have
come up to town expressly to propose to
her.
ALGERNON
I thought you had come up for pleasure ?
... I call that business.
JACK
How utterly unromantic you are 1
ALGERNON
I really don't see anything romantic in
proposing. It is very romantic to be in
love. But there is nothing romantic about
a definite proposal. Why, one may be
accepted. One usually is, I believe. Then
the excitement is all over. The very
7
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT I. essence of romance is uncertainty. If ever
I get married, 1 11 certainly try to forget
the fact.
JACK
I have no doubt about that, dear Algy.
The Divorce Court was specially invented
for people whose memories are so curiously
constituted.
ALGERNON
Oh ! there is no use speculating on that
subject. Divorces are made in Heaven
\_JACK pu^s out his hand to take a sand-
wich. ALGERNON at OHce interferes,'] Please
don't touch the cucumber sandwiches. They
are ordered specially for Aunt Augusta.
[Takes one and eats it,]
JACK
Well, you have been eating them all the
time.
ALGERNON
That is quite a different matter. She is
my aunt. [ Takes plate from below, ] Have
some bread and butter. The bread and
BEING EARNEST
butter is for Gwendolen. Gwendolen is ACTL
devoted to bread and butter#
JACK
[^Advancing to table and helping himself, '\
And very good bread and butter it is too.
ALGERNON
Well, my dear fellow, you need not eat
as if you were going to eat it all. You
behave as if you were married to her already.
You are not married to her already, and I
don't think you ever will be.
JACK
Why on earth do you say that ?
ALGERNON
Well, in the first place girls never marry
the men they flirt with. Girls don't think
it right
JACK
Oh, that is nonsense I
ALGERNON
It isn't. It is a great truth. It accounts
for the extraordinary number of bachelors
9
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT I. that one sees all over the place. In the
second place, I don't give my consent.
JACK
Your consent !
ALGERNON
My dear fellow, Gwendolen is my first
cousin. And before I allow you to marry
her, you will have to clear up the whole
question of Cecily. \Rings belL'\
JACK
Cecily ! What on earth do you mean ?
What do you mean, Algy, by Cecily 1 I
don't know any one of the name of Cecily.
[Enter lane.]
ALGERNON
Bring me that cigarette case Mr. Worth-
ing left in the smoking-room the last time
he dined here.
LANE
Yes, sir. [lane goes out,"]
JACK
Do you mean to say you have had my
10
BEING EARNEST
cigarette case all this time? I wish to actl
goodness you had let me know. I have
been writing frantic letters to Scotland
Yard about it. I was very nearly offering
a large reward,
ALGERNON
Well, I wish you would offer one. I
happen to be more than usually hard up.
JACK
There is no good offering a large reward
now that the thing is found.
\_Enter lane wiik the cigarette case on a
salver, Algernon takes it at once, lane
goes ouU'\
ALGERNON
I think that is rather mean of you,
Ernest, I must say. \Opens case and ex-
amines it^ However, it makes no matter,
for, now that I look at the inscription
inside, I find that the thing isn't yours
after all.
11
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACTI. JACK
Of course it's mine. [Moving to him.']
You have seen me with it a hundred times,
and you have no right whatsoever to read
what is written inside. It is a very un-
gentlemanly thing to read a private cigarette
case.
ALGERNON
Oh ! it is absurd to have a hard and fast
rule about what one should read and what
one shouldn't. More than half of modern
culture depends on what one shouldn't
read.
JACK
I am quite aware of the fact, and I don't
propose to discuss modern culture. It isn't
the sort of thing one should talk of in
private. I simply want my cigarette case
back.
ALGERNON
Yes; but this isn't your cigarette case.
This cigarette case is a present from some
one of the name of Cecily, and you said
you didn't know any one of that name.
12
BEING EAUNEST
JACK ACT L
Well, if you want to know, Cecilyhappens
to be my aunt. '
ALGERNON
Your aunt 1
JACK
Yes. Charming old lady she is, too.
Lives at Tunbridge Wells. Just give it
back to me, Algy.
ALGERNON
[^Retreating to back of sofa J] But why
does she call herself little Cecily if she is
your aunt and lives at Tunbridge Wells ?
[Reading,'] 'From little Cecily with her
fondest love.*
JACK
[Moving to sofa and kneeling upon it,"]
My dear fellow, what on earth is there in
that ? Some aunts are tall, some aunts are
not tall. That is a matter that surely an
aunt may be allowed to decide for herself.
You seem to think that every aunt should
be exactly like your aunt ! That is absurd I
13
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT I. For Heaven's sake give me back my
cigarette case. [Follows Algernon round
the room,']
ALGERNON
Yes. But why does your aunt call you
her uncle ? * From little Cecily, with her
fondest love to her dear Uncle Jack.' There
is no objection, I admit, to an aunt being
a small aunt, but why an aunt, no matter
what her size may be, should call her own
nephew her uncle, I can't quite make out.
Besides, your name isn't Jack at all; it is
Ernest.
JACK
It isn't Ernest ; it 's Jack.
ALGERNON
You have always told me it was
Ernest. I have introduced you to every
one as Ernest. You answer to the name
of Ernest. You look as if your name was
Ernest. You are the most earnest-looking
person I ever saw in my life. It is perfectly
absurd your saying that your name isn't
14
BEING EARNEST
Ernest. It 's on your cards. Here is one of ACT L
them. [ Taking it from case,'\ * Mr. Ernest
Worthing, B. 4, The Albany.' I '11 keep
this as a proof that your name is Ernest if
ever you attempt to deny it to me, or to
Gwendolen, or to any one else. \Puts the
card in his pocket,'\
JACK
Well, my name is Ernest in town and
Jack in the country, and the cigarette case
was given to me in the country.
ALGERNON
Yes, but that does not account for the
fact that your small Aunt Cecily, who
lives at Tunbridge Wells, calls you her
dear uncle. Come, old boy, you had much
better have the thing out at once.
JACK
My dear Algy, you talk exactly as if
you were a dentist. It is very vulgar to
talk like a dentist when one isn't a dentist.
It produces a false impression.
15
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT I. ALGERNON
Well, that is exactly what dentists always
do. Now, go on I Tell me the whole
thing. I may mention that I have always
suspected you of being a confirmed and
secret Bunburyist ; and I am quite sure of
it now.
JACK
Bunburyist? What on earth do you
mean by a Bunburyist ?
ALGERNON
1 11 reveal to you the meaning of that
incomparable expression as soon as you are
kind enough to inform me why you are
Ernest in town and Jack in the country.
JACK
Well, produce my cigarette case first.
ALGERNON
Here it is. [Hands cigarette case,'\ Now
produce your explanation, and pray make
it improbable, \Sits an sofa.']
16
BEING EARNEST
JACK ACT I.
My dear fellow, there is nothing im-
probable about my explanation at all. In
fact it's perfectly ordinary. Old Mr.
Thomas Cardew, who adopted me when
I was a little boy, made me in his will
guardian to his grand-daughter. Miss Cecily
Cardew. Cecily, who addresses me as her
uncle from motives of respect that you
could not possibly appreciate, lives at my
place in the country under the charge of
her admirable governess, Miss Prism.
ALGERNON
Where is that place in the country, by
the way ?
JACK
That is nothing to you, dear boy. You
are not going to be invited. ... I may
tell you candidly that the place is not in
Shropshire.
ALGERNON
I suspected that, my dear feUowI I
have Bunburyed aU over Shropshire on two
1 17
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACTL separate occasions. Now, go on. Why
are you Ernest in town and Jack in the
country ?
JACK
My dear Algy, I don't know whether
you will be able to understand my real
motives. You are hardly serious enough.
When one is placed in the position of
guardian, one has to adopt a very high
moral tone on all subjects. It *s one's duty
to do so. And as a high moral tone can
hardly be said to conduce very much to
either one's health or one's happiness, in
order to get up to town I have always
pretended to have a younger brother of the
name of Ernest, who lives in the Albany,
and gets into the most dreadful scrapes.
That, my dear Algy, is the whole truth
pure and simple.
ALGERNON
The truth is rarely pure and never simple.
Modern life would be very tedious if it
were either, and modern literature a com-
plete impossibility I
18
BEING EARNEST
JACK ACT I.
That wouldn't be at all a bad thing.
ALGERNON
Literary criticism is not your forte, my
dear fellow. Don't try it. You should
leave that to people who haven't been at
a University. They do it so well in the
daily papers. What you really are is a
Bunburyist. I was quite right in saying
you were a Bunburyist. You are one of
the most advanced Bunburyists I know.
JACK
What on earth do you mean ?
ALGERNON
You have invented a very useful younger
brother called Ernest, in order that you
may be able to come up to town as often
as you like. I have invented an invaluable
permanent invalid called Bunbury, in order
that I may be able to go down into the
country whenever 1 choose. Bunbury is
perfectly invaluable. If it wasn't for
Bunbury's extraordinary bad health, for
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT I. instance, I wouldn't be able to dine with
you at Willis's to-night, for I have been
really engaged to Aunt Augusta for more
than a week.
JACK
I haven't asked you to dine with me
anywhere to-night.
ALGERNON
I know. You are absurdly careless about
sending out invitations. It is very foolish
of you. Nothing annoys people so much
as not receiving invitations.
JACK
You had much better dine with your
Aunt Augusta.
ALGERNON
I haven't the smallest intention of doing
anything of the kind. To begin with, I
dined there on Monday, and once a week
is quite enough to dine with one's own
relations. In the second place, whenever
I do dine there I am always treated as a
member of the family, and sent down with
20
BEING EARNEST
either no woman at all, or two. In the act i,
third place, I know perfectly well whom
she will place me next to, to-night. She
will place me next Mary Farquhar, who
always flirts with her own husband across
the dinner-table. That is not very pleasant
Indeed, it is not even decent . . . and that
sort of thing is enormously on the increase.
The amount of women in London who flirt
with their own husbands is perfectly scan-
dalous. It looks so bad. It is simply
washing one s clean linen in public. Be-
sides, now that I know you to be a con-
firmed Bunburyist I naturally want to talk
to you about Bunburying. I want to tell
you the rules.
JACK
I 'm not a Bunburyist at all. If Gwen-
dolen accepts me, I am going to kill my
brother, indeed I think I '11 kill him in any
case. Cecily is a little too much interested
in him. It is rather a bore. So I am
going to get rid of Ernest! And I strongly
advise you to do the same with Mr. . . •
81
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT I. with your invalid friend who has the absurd
name.
ALGERNON
Nothing will induce me to part with
Bunbury, and if you ever get married,
which seems to me extremely problematic,
you will be very glad to know Bunbury.
A man who marries without knowing
Bunbury has a very tedious time of it.
JACK
That is nonsense. If I marry a charm-
ing girl like Gwendolen, and she is the
only girl I ever saw in my life that I
would marry, I certainly won't want to
know Bunbury.
ALGERNON
Then your wife will. You don't seem
to realise, that in married life three is
company and two is none.
JACK
[Sententiously,'] That, my dear young
friend, is the theory that the corrupt
22
BEING EARNEST
French Drama has been propounding for ACT I.
the last fifty years.
ALGERNON
Yes ; and that the happy English home
has proved in half the time.
JACK
For heaven's sake, don't try to be cynical.
It 's perfectly easy to be cynical.
ALGERNON
My dear fellow, it isn't easy to be any-
thing nowadays. There 's such a lot of
beastly competition about. \_The sound of
an electric be Ills heard.'] Ah ! that must be
Aunt Augusta. Only relatives, or creditors,
ever ring in that Wagnerian manner. Now,
if I get her out of the way for ten minutes,
so that you can have an opportunity for
proposing to Gwendolen, may I dine with
you to-night at Willis's ?
JACK
I suppose so, if you want to.
28
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT I. ALGERNON
Yes, but you must be serious about it.
I hate people who are not serious about
meals. It is so shallow of them.
[Enter lane.]
LANE
Lady Bracknell and Miss Fairfax.
[ALGERNON goes forward to meet them.
Enter lady bracknell and Gwendolen.]
LADY BRACKNELL
Good afternoon, dear Algernon, I hope
you are behaving very well.
ALGERNON
I 'm feeling very well, Aunt Augusta.
LADY BRACKNELL
That's not quite the same thing. In
fact the two things rarely go together.
\Sees JACK and bows to him with icy cold-
ness^
ALGERNON
\To GWENDOLEN.] Dear me, you are
smart 1
24
BEING EARNEST
G^VENDOLEN ACT I.
I am always smart! Am I not, Mr.
Worthing ?
JACK
You 're quite perfect, Miss Fairfax.
GWENDOLEN
Oh 1 I hope I am not that. It would
leave no room for developments, and I
intend to develop in many directions.
[GWENDOLEN and JACK sit down together in
the corner, '\
LADY BRACKNELL
I 'm sorry if we are a little late, Algernon,
but I was obliged to call on dear Lady
Harbury. I hadn't been there since her
poor husband's death. I never saw a
woman so altered ; she looks quite twenty
years younger. And now 1 11 have a cup
of tea, and one of those nice cucumber
sandwiches you promised me.
ALGERNON
Certainly, Aunt Augusta. \Goes over to
tea-table^
35
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT L I.ADY BRACKNELL
Won't you come and sit here, Gwen-
dolen ?
GWENDOLEN
Thanks, mamma, I 'm quite comfortable
where I am,
ALGERNON
[^Picktng up empty plate in horror, '\ Good
heavens 1 Lane I Why are there no
cucumber sandwiches? I ordered them
specially.
LANE
\Gravely^ There were no cucumbers in
the market this morning, sir. I went down
twice.
ALGERNON
No cucumbers I
LANE
No, sir. Not even for ready money.
ALGERNON
That will do, Lane, thank you.
26
BEING EARNEST
LANE ACT I.
Thank you, sir. [Goes ouL'\
ALGERNON
I am greatly distressed, Aunt Augusta,
about there being no cucumbers, not even
for ready money.
LADY BRACKNELL
It really makes no matter, Algernon. I
had some crumpets with Lady Harbury,
who seems to me to be living entirely for
pleasure now.
ALGERNON
I hear her hair has turned quite gold
from grief.
LADY BRACKNELL
It certainly has changed its colour.
From what cause I, of course, cannot say.
[ALGERNON crosscs and hands teaJ] Thank
you. I 've quite a treat for you to-night,
Algernon. I am going to send you down
with Mary Farquhar. She is such a nice
woman, and so attentive to her husband.
It s delightful to watch them.
27
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT I. ALGERNON
I am afraid, Aunt Augusta, I shall have
to give up the pleasure of dining with you
to-night after all.
LADY BRACKNELL
[^Frowning.'] I hope not, Algernon. It
would put my table completely out. Your
uncle would have to dine upstairs. For-
tunately he is accustomed to that.
ALGERNON
It is a great bore, and, I need hardly say,
a terrible disappointment to me, but the
fact is I have just had a telegram to say
that my poor friend Bunbury is very ill
again. [Exchanges glances with jack.] They
seem to think I should be with him.
LADY BRACKNELL
It is very strange. This Mr. Bunbury
seems to suffer from curiously bad health.
ALGERNON
Yes ; poor Bunbury is a dreadful invalid.
28
BEING EARNEST
LADY BIIACKNELL ACT I.
Well, I must say, Algernon, that I think
it is high time that Mr. Bunbury made
up his mind whether he was going to live
or to die. This shilly-shallying with the
question is absurd. Nor do I in any way
approve of the modern sympathy with in-
valids. I consider it morbid. Illness of
any kind is hardly a thing to be encouraged
in others. Health is the primary duty of
life. I am always telling that to your poor
uncle, but he never seems to take much
notice ... as far as any improvement in
his ailments goes. I should be much
obliged if you would ask Mr. Bunbury,
from me, to be kind enough not to have a
relapse on Saturday, for I rely on you to
arrange my music for me. It is my last
reception, and one wants something that
will encourage conversation, particularly at
the end of the season when every one has
practically said whatever they had to say,
which, in most cases, was probably not
much.
29
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACTL ALGERNON
I '11 speak to Bunbury, Aunt Augusta,
if he is still conscious, and I think I can
promise you he 11 be all right by Saturday.
Of course the music is a great difficulty.
You see, if one plays good music, people
don't listen, and if one plays bad music
people don't talk. But I '11 run over the
programme I 've drawn out, if you will
kindly come into the next room for a
moment.
LADY BRACKNELL
Thank you, Algernon. It is very
thoughtful of you. [^Rising, and following
ALGERNON.] I 'm surc the programme will
be delightful, after a few expurgations.
French songs I cannot possibly allow.
People always seem to think that they are
improper, and either look shocked, which
is vulgar, or laugh, which is worse. But
German sounds a thoroughly respectable
language, and indeed, I believe is so.
Gwendolen, you will accompany mc
80
BEING EARNEST
GWENDOLEN ACT L
Certainly, mamma.
[lady BRACKNELL and ALGERNON gO
into the music-room^ Gwendolen remains
behind,^
JACK
Charming day it has been, Miss Fairfax.
GWENDOLEN
Pray don't talk to me about the weather,
Mr. Worthing. Whenever people talk to
me about the weather, I always feel quite
certain that they mean something else.
And that makes me so nervous.
JACK
I do mean something else.
GWENDOLEN
I thought so. In fact, I am never
wi'ong.
JACK
And I would like to be allowed to take
advantage of Lady Braeknells temporary
absence • • •
81
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT I. GWENDOLEN
I I would certainly advise you to do so.
Mamma has a way of coming back sud-
denly into a room that I have often had
to speak to her about.
JACK
[Nervously,'] Miss Fairfax, ever since I
met you I have admired you more than
any girl ... I have ever met since . . .
I met you.
GWENDOLEN
Yes, I am quite well aware of the fact.
And I often wish that in public, at any
rate, you had been more demonstrative.
For me you have always had an irresistible
fascination. Even before I met you I was
far from indifferent to you. [jack looks at
her in amazement^ We live, as I hope
you know, Mr. Worthing, in an age of
ideals. The fact is constantly mentioned
in the more expensive monthly magazines,
and has reached the provincial pulpits, I
am told ; and my ideal has always been to
love some one of the name of Ernest.
82
BEING EARNEST
There is something in that name that actl
inspires absolute confidence. The moment
Algernon first mentioned to me that he
had a friend called Ernest, I knew I was
destined to love you,
JACK
You really love me, Gwendolen?
GWENDOLEN
Passionately !
JACK
Darling! You don't know how happy
you 've made me,
GWENDOLEN
My own Ernest I
JACK
But you don't really mean to say that
you couldn't love me if my name wasn't
Ernest ?
GWENDOLEN
But your name is Ernest
c Bt
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACTL JACK
Yes, I know it is. But supposing it was
something else ? Do you mean to say you
couldn't love me then ?
GWENDOLEN
[Glibly.'] Ah 1 that is clearly a meta-
physical speculation, and like most meta-
physical speculations has very little refer-
ence at all to the actual facts of real life, as
we know them.
JACK
Personally, darling, to speak quite can-
didly, I don't much care about the name
of Ernest. ... I don't think the name suits
me at alL
GWENDOLEN
It suits you perfectly. It is a divine
name. It has a music of its own. It
produces vibrations.
JACK
Well, really, Gwendolen, I must say that
I think there are lots of other much nicer
84
BEING EARNEST
names. I think Jack, for instance, a ACI l
charming name.
GWENDOLEN
Jack ? . . . No, there is very little music
in the name Jack, if any at all, indeed. It
does not thrill. It produces absolutely no
vibrations. ... I have known several Jacks,
and they all, without exception, were more
than usually plain. Besides, Jack is a
notorious domesticity for Johnl And I
pity any woman who is married to a man
called John. She would probably never be
allowed to know the entrancing pleasure
of a single moment's solitude. The only
really safe name is Ernest.
JACK
Gwendolen, I must get christened at
once — I mean we must get married at
once. There is no time to be lost.
GWENDOLEN
Married, Mr. Worthing ?
JACK
[As/ouncled,'] Well . • . surely. You
35
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT L know that I love you, and you led me to
believe, Miss Fairfax, that you were not
absolutely indifferent to me.
GWENDOLEN
I adore you. But you haven't proposed
to me yet. Nothing has been said at all
about marriage. The subject has not even
been touched on,
JACK
Well . • . may I propose to you now ?
GWENDOLEN
I think it would be an admirable oppor-
tunity. And to spare you any possible
disappointment, Mr. Worthing, I think it
only fair to tell you quite frankly before-
hand that I am fully determined to accept
you,
JACK
Gwendolen i
GWENDOLEN
Yes, Mr. Worthing, what have you got
to say to me ? ,
80
BEING EARNEST
JACK ACT I.
You know what I have got to say to
you,
GWENDOLEN
Yes, but you don't say it,
JACK
Gwendolen, will you marry me ? [Goes
on his kneesJ]
GWENDOLEN
Of course I will, darling. How long
you have been about it 1 I am afraid you
have had very little experience in how to
propose.
JACK
My own one, I have never loved any one
in the world but you.
GWENDOLEN
Yes, but men often propose for practice.
I know my brother Gerald does. All my
girl-friends tell me so. What wonderfully
blue eyes you have, Ernest 1 They are
quite, quite, blue. I hope you will always
87
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT I. look at me just like that, especially when
there are other people present.
[^Enter lady bracknell.]
LADY BRACKNELL
Mr. Worthing I Rise, sir, from this
semi-recumbent posture. It is most in-
decorous.
GWENDOLEN
Mamma 1 \_He tries to rise ; she restrains
him^ I must beg you to retire. This is
no place for you. Besides, Mr. Worthing
has not quite finished yet.
LADY BRACKNELL
Finished what, may I ask ?
GWENDOLEN
I am engaged to Mr. Worthing, mamma.
\They rise together^
LADY BRACKNELL
Pardon me, you are not engaged to
any one. When you do become engaged
to some one, I, or your father, should his
healtli permit him, will inform you of the
88
BEING EARNEST
fact. An engagement should come on a ACTL
young girl as a surprise, pleasant or un-
pleasant, as the case may be. It is hardly
a matter that she could be allowed to
arrange for herself. . . . And now I have
a few questions to put to you, Mr. Worth-
ing. While I am making these inquiries,
you, Gwendolen, will wait for me below in
the carriage.
GWENDOLEN
\Reproachfully,'\ Mamma 1
LADY BRACKNELL
In the carriage, Gwendolen ! [Gwen-
dolen goes to the door. She and .jack blow
kisses to each other behind 1l,ady Bracknell's
back, LADY BRACKNELL looks vaguely about
as if she could not understand what the noise
was. Finally turns round.^ Gwendolen,
the carriage 1
GWENDOLEN
Yes, mamma. [Goes out^ looking back at
JACK.]
89
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT I. LADY BRACKNELL
[SttHng down,'] You can take a seat,
Mr. Worthing.
[Looks in her pocket for note-book and
penciL']
JACK
Thank you, Lady Bracknell, I prefer
standing.
U^^DY BRACKNELL
[Pencil and note-book in hand!] I feel
bound to tell you that you are not down
on my list of eligible young men, although
I have the same list as the dear Duchess
of Bolton has. We work together, in fact.
However, I am quite ready to enter your
name, should your answers be what a really
affectionate mother requires. Do you
smoke ?
JACK
Well, yes, I must admit I smoke.
LADY BRACKNELL
I am glad to hear it. A man should
always have an occupation of some kind.
40
BEING EARNEST
There are far too many idle men in ACT I.
London as it is. How old are you ?
JACK
Twenty-nine.
LADY BRACKNELL
A very good age to be married at. I
have always been of opinion tliat a man
who desires to get married should know
either everything or nothing. Which do
you know ?
JACK
[After some kesitation,'\ I know nothing.
Lady Bracknell.
LADY BRACKNELL
I am pleased to hear it. I do not approve
of anything that tampers with natural ignor-
ance. Ignorance is like a delicate exotic
fruit; touch it and the bloom is gone.
The whole theory of modern education is
radically unsound. Fortunately in England,
at any rate, education produces no effect
whatsoever. If it did, it would prove a
serious danger to the upper classes, and
41
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT I. probably lead to acts of violence in
Grosvenor Square. What is your income ?
JACK
Between seven and eight thousand a
year.
LADY BRACKNELL
{^Afaies a note in her book,'] In land, or
in investments ?
JACK
In investments, chiefly.
LADY BRACKNELL
That is satisfactory. What between the
duties expected of one during one's lifetime,
and the duties exacted from one after one's
death, land has ceased to be either a profit
or a pleasure. It gives one position, and
prevents one from keeping it up. That's
all that can be said about land.
JACK
I have a country house with some land,
of course, attached to it, about fifteen
hundred acres, I believe; but I don't
depend on that for my real income. In
42
BEING EARNEST
fact, as far as I can make out, the poachers
are the only people who make anything
out of it.
LADY BRACKNELL
A country house! How many bed-
rooms? Well, that point can be cleared
up afterwards. You have a town house,
I hope ? A girl with a simple, unspoiled
nature, like Gwendolen, could hardly be
expected to reside in the country.
JACK
Well, I own a house in Belgrave Square,
but it is let by the year to Lady Bloxham.
Of course, I can get it back whenever I
like, at six months' notice.
LADY BRACKNELL
Lady Bloxham ? I don't know her.
JACK
Oh, she goes about very little. She is a
lady considerably advanced in years.
LADY BRACKNELL
Ah, nowadays that is no guarantee of
48
ACT I
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT I. respectability of character. What number
in Belgrave Square ?
JACK
149.
LADY BRACKNELL
[^Shaking her head!\ The unfashionable
side. I thought there was something.
However, that could easily be altered.
JACK
Do you mean the fashion, or the side ?
LADY BRACKNELL
\Sternly?^ Both, if necessary, I presume.
What are your politics ?
JACK
Well, I am afraid I really have none. 1
am a Liberal Unionist.
LADY BRACKNELL
Oh, they count as Tories. They dine
with us. Or come in the evening, at any
rate. Now to minor matters. Are your
parents living ?
44
BEING EARNEST
JACK ACT I.
I have lost both my parents.
LiVDY BRACKNELL
To lose one parent, Mr. Worthing, may
be regarded as a misfortune ; to lose both
looks like carelessness. Who was your
father ? He was evidently a man of some
wealth. Was he born in what the Radical
papers call the purple of commerce, or did
he rise from the ranks of the aristocracy ?
JACK
I am afraid I really don't know. The
fact is. Lady Bracknell, I said I had lost
my parents. It would be nearer the truth
to say that my parents seem to have lost
me. ... I don't actually know who I am
by birth. I was . • . well, I was found.
LADY BRACKNELL
Found 1
JACK
The J/ite JMr. Thomas Cardew, an old
gentle D' an of a very charitable and kindly
disposition, found me, and gave me the
name ^f Worthing, because he happened
45
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT I. to have a first-class ticket for Worthing in
his pocket at the time. Worthing is a
place in Sussex. It is a seaside resort.
LADY BRACKNELL
Where did the charitable gentleman who
had a first-class ticket for this seaside resort
find you ?
JACK
[Gravely.'] In a hand-bag.
LADY BRACKNELL
A hand-bag ?
JACK
[Very seriously.'] Yes, Lady Bracknell.
I was in a hand-bag — a somewhat large,
black leather hand-bag, with handles to it —
an ordinary hand-bag in fact.
LADY BRACKNELL
In what locality did this Mr. James, or
Thomas, Cardew come across this ordinary
hand-bag ?
JACK
In the cloak-room at Victoria Station.
46
BEING EARNEST
It was given to him in mistake for his actl
own.
IxAJDY BRACKNELL
The cloak-room at Victoria Station ?
JACK
Yes. The Brighton line.
LADY BRACKNELL
The line is immaterial. Mr. Worthing,
I confess I feel somewhat bewildered by
what you have just told me. To be born,
or at any rate bred, in a hand-bag, whether
it had handles or not, seems to me to display
a contempt for the ordinary decencies of
family life that remind one of the worst
excesses of the French Revolution. And
I presume you know what that unfortunate
movement led to ? As for the particular
locality in which the hand-bag was found,
a cloak-room at a railway station might
serve to conceal a SQcial indiscretion — has
probably, indeed, been used for that purpose
before now — but it could hardly be regarded
as an assured basis for a recognised position
in good society.
47
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT I. JACK
Miiy I ask you then what you would
advise me to do ? I need hardly say I
would do anything in the world to ensure
Gwendolen's happiness.
LADY BRACKNELL
I would strongly advise you, Mr. Worth-
ing, to try and acquire some relations as
soon as possible, and to make a definite
effort to produce at any rate one parent, of
either sex, before the season is quite over.
JACK
Well, I don't see how I could possibly
manage to do that. I can produce tlie
hand-bag at any moment. It is in my
dressing-room at home. I really think
that should satisfy you, Lady Bracknell.
LADY BRACKNELL
Me, sir I What has it to do with me ?
You can hardly imagine that I and Lord
Bracknell would dream of allowing our
only daughter — a girl brought up with the
utmost care — to marry into a cloak-room,
49
BEING EARNEST
and form an alliance with a parcel ? Good ACT 1
morning, Mr. ^Vorthing 1
[lady BRACKNELL swceps out in majestic
indignation^
JACK
Good morning ! [Algernon, from the
other room, strikes up the Wedding March,
JACK looks perfectly fitrious, and goes to the
door.'] For goodness' sake don't play that
ghastly tune, Algy 1 How idiotic you
are!
[The music stops and Algernon enters
cheerily, ]
ALGERNON
Didn't it go off all right, old boy ? You
don't mean to say Gwendolen refused you ?
I know it is a way she has. She is always
refusing people. I think it is most ill-
natured of her.
JACK
Oh, Gwendolen is as right as a trivet.
As far as she is concerned, we are engaged.
Her mother is perfectly unbearable. Never
D 49
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT I. met such a Gorgon. ... I don't really
know what a Gorgon is like, but I am
quite sure that Lady Bracknell is one. In
any case, she is a monster, without being a
myth, which is rather unfair. ... I beg
your pardon, Algy, I suppose I shouldn't
talk about your own aunt in that way
before you.
ALGERNON
My dear boy, I love hearing my relations
abused. It is the only thing that makes
me put up with them at all. Relations
are simply a tedious pack of people, who
haven't got the remotest knowledge of
how to live, nor the smallest instinct about
when to die.
JACK
Oh, that is nonsense I
ALGERNON
It isn't 1
JACK
Well, I won't argue about the matter.
You always want to argue about things.
50
BEING EARNEST
ALGERNON ACT I.
That is exactly what things were origin-
ally made for.
JACK
Upon my word, if I thought that, I 'd
shoot myself. . , . [A pause,'] You don't
think there is any chance of Gwendolen
becoming like her mother in about a
hundred and fifty years, do you, Algy ?
ALGERNON
All women become like their mothers.
Tliat is their tragedy. No man does.
That's his.
JACK
Is that clever ?
ALGERNON
It is perfectly phrased ! and quite as true
as any observation in civilised life should
be.
JACK
I am sick to death of cleverness. Every-
body is clever nowadays. You can't go
anywhere without meeting clever people.
51
/
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT J, The thing has become an absolute public
nuisance. I wish to goodness we had a
few fools left
ALGERNON
We have.
JACK
I should extremely like to meet them.
What do they talk about ?
ALGERNON
The fools ? Oh 1 about the clever people,
qf course,
JACK
What fools I
ALGERNON
By the way, did you tell Gwendolen the
truth about your being Ernest in town,
and Jack in the country ?
JACK
[In a very patronising manner,'] My dear
fellow, the truth isn't quite the sort of
thing one tells to a nice, sweet, refined girl.
d2
BEING EARNEST
What extraordinary ideas you have about ACT L
the way to behave to a woman 1
ALGERNON
The only way to behave to a wonian is
to make love to her, if she is pretty, and to
some one else, if she is plain.
JACK
Oh, that is nonsense.
ALGERNON
What about your brother ? What about
the profligate Ernest ?
JACK
Oh, before the end of the week I shall
have got rid of him. 1 11 say he died in
Paris of apoplexy. Lots of people die of
apoplexy, quite suddenly, don't they ?
ALGERNON
Yes, but it 's hereditary, my dear fellow.
It 's a sort of thing that runs in families.
You had much better say a severe ehilL
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT I. JACK
You are sure a severe chill isn't hereditary,
or anything of that kind ?
ALGERNON
Of course it isn't I
JACK
Very well, then. My poor brother Ernest
is carried off suddenly, in Paris, by a severe
chill. That gets rid of him.
ALGERNON
But I thought you said that . . , Miss
Cardew was a little too much interested
in your poor brother Ernest ? Won't she
feel his loss a good deal ?
JACK
Oh, that is all right. Cecily is not a
silly romantic girl, I am glad to say. She
has got a capital appetite, goes long walks,
and pays no attention at all to her lessons.
ALGERNON
I would rather like to see Cecily.
54
«'^'S$U!Nk.
BEING EARNEST
JACK ACT I.
I will take very good care you never do.
She is excessively pretty, and she is only
just eighteen.
ALGERNON
Have you told Gwendolen yet that you
have an excessively pretty ward who is
only just eighteen ?
JACK
Oh 1 one doesn't blurt these things out
to people. Cecily and Gwendolen are
perfectly certain to be extremely great
friends. 1 11 bet you anything you like
that half an hour after they have met, they
will be calling each other sister.
ALGERNON
Women only do that when they have
called each other a lot of other things first.
Now, my dear boy, if we want to get a
good table at Willis's, we really must go
and dress. Do you know it is nearly
seven ?
55
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT I. JACK
{Irritably.^ Oh 1 it always is nearly
seven.
ALGERNON
Well, I 'm hungry.
JACK
I never knew you when you weren't. . . .
ALGERNON
What shall we do after dinner ? Go to
a theatre ?
JACK
Oh no I I loathe listening.
ALGERNON
Well, let us go to the Club ?
JACK
Oh, no I I hate talking.
ALGERNON
Well, we might trot round to the Empire
at ten ?
JACK
Oh no 1 I can't bear looking at things.
It is so silly.
56
BEING EARNEST
ALGERNON ACT I.
Well, what shall we do ?
JACK
Nothing !
ALGERNON
It is awfully hard work doing nothing.
However, I don't mind hard work where
there is no definite object of any kind.
\Enter lane.]
LANE
Miss Fairfax.
[Enter GWENDOLEN. LANE gOCS OUt.']
ALGERNON
Gwendolen, upon my word !
GWENDOLEN
Algy, kindly turn your back. I have
something very particular to say to Mr.
Worthing.
ALGERNON
Really, Gwendolen, I don't think I can
allow this at all.
57
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT I. GWENDOLE'ij
Algy, you always adopt a strictly immoral
attitude towards life. You are not quite
old enough to do that. [ALGERNON retires
to the fireplace^
JACK
My own darling !
GWENDOLEN
Ernest, we may never be married. From
the expression on mamma's face I fear we
never shall. Few parents nowadays pay
any regard to what their children say to
them. The old-fashioned respect for the
young is fast dying out. Whatever influ-
ence I ever had over mamma, I lost at the
age of three. But although she may prevent
us from becoming man and wife, and I
may marry some one else, and marry often,
nothing that she can possibly do can alter
my eternal devotion to you.
JACK
Dear Gwendolen I
5S
BEING EARNEST
GWENDOLEN ACTL
The story of your romantic origin, as
related to me by mamma, with unpleasing
comments, has naturally stirred the deeper
fibres of my nature. Your Christian
name has an irresistible fascination. The
simplicity of your character makes you
exquisitely incomprehensible to me. Your
town address at the Albany I have. What
is your address in the country ?
JACK
The Manor House, Woolton, Hertford-
shire.
[ALGERNON, who kus been carefully listenings
smiles to himself ^ and writes the address on his
shirt-cuff. Then picks up the Railway Guide J\
GWENDOLEN
There is a good postal service, I suppose ?
It may be necessary to do something
desperate. That of course will require
serious consideration. I will communicate
with you daily.
JACK
My own one \
59
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACTL GWENDOLEN
How long do you remain in town ?
JACK
Till Monday.
GWENDOLEN
Good I Algy, you may turn round now.
ALGERNON
Thanks, 1 Ve turned round already.
GWENDOLEN
You may also ring the bell.
JACK
You will let me see you to your carriage,
my own darling ?
GWENDOLEN
Certainly.
JACK
\_To LANE, wAo now enters.'] I will see
Miss Fairfax out.
LANE
Yes, sir. [jack and Gwendolen ^^ off,]
[lane presents several letters on a salver
60
BEING EARNEST
io ALGERNON. It is to be surmised that they ACT L
are bills, as Algernon, after looking at the
envelopes^ tears them up,'\
ALGERNON
A glass of sherry, Lane.
LANE
Yes, sir.
ALGERNON
To-morrow, Lane, I 'm going Bunbury-
ing.
LANE
Yes, sir.
ALGERNON
I shall probably not be back till Mon-
day. You can put up my dress clothes,
my smoking jacket, and all the Bunbury
suits . • •
LANE
Yes, sir. \Handing sherry, '\
ALGERNON
I hope to-morrow will be a fine day.
Lane.
61
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT I. LANE
It never is, sir.
ALGERNON
Lane, you 're a perfect pessimist.
LANE
I do my best to give satisfaction, sir.
[Enter jack. lane^(7^j off,"]
JACK
There's a sensible, intellectual girl!
the only girl I ever cared for in my life.
[ALGERNON ts laughing immoderately,']
What on earth are you so amused at ?
AI.GERNON
Oh, I 'm a little anxious about poor
Bunbury, that is all.
JACK
If you don't take care, your friend Bun-
bury will get you into a serious scrape some
day.
ALGERNON
I love scrapes. They are the only things
that are never serious.
62
BEING EARNEST
JACK ACT I.
Oh, that 's nonsense, Algy. You never
talk anything but nonsense.
ALGERNON
Nobody ever does.
[jack looks indignantly at hinty and leaves
the room. Algernon lights a cigarette^ reads
his shirt-cuff y and smiles^
Act Drop
68
SECOND ACT
SECOND ACT
SCENE
Garden at the Manor House, A flight of grey stone
steps leads up to the house. The garden^ an old-fashioned
one^ full of roses. Time of year ^ July, Basket chairs^
and a table covered with books, are set under a large
yew-tree*
[miss prism discovered seated at the table,
CECILY is at the back watering flowers^
MISS PRISM
{Calling^ Cecily, Cecily 1 Surely such
a utilitarian occupation as the watering of
flowers is rather Moulton's duty than yours?
Especially at a moment when intellectual
pleasures await you. Your German gram-
mar is on the table. Pray open it at page
fifteen. We will repeat yesterday's lesson.
CECILY
\Coming over very slowly,'] But I don't
like German. It isn't at aU a becoming
67
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT IL language. I know perfectly well that
I look quite plain after my German
lesson.
MISS PRISM
Child, you know how anxious your
guardian is that you should improve your-
self in every way. He laid particular stress
on your German, as he was leaving for
town yesterday. Indeed, he always lays
stress on your German when he is leaving
for town.
CECILY
Dear Uncle Jack is so very serious 1
Sometimes he is so serious that I think he
cannot be quite welL
MISS PRISM
\Drawing herself upJ] Your guardian
enjoys the best of health, and his gravity
of demeanour is especially to be com-
mended in one so comparatively young as
he is. I know no one who has a higher
sense of duty and responsibility.
68
BEING EARNEST
CECILY ACT II
I suppose that is why he often looks a
little bored when we three are together.
MISS PRISM
Cecily 1 I am surprised at you. Mr.
Worthing has many troubles in his life.
Idle merriment and triviality would be out
of place in his conversation. You must
remember his constant anxiety about that
unfortunate young man his brother.
CECILY
I wish Uncle Jack would aUow that
unfortunate young man, his brother, to
come down here sometimes. We might
have a good influence over him, ]\Iiss
Prism. I am sure you certainly would.
You know German, and geology, and
things of that kind influence a man very
much. [cECiLY begins to write in her
diary,'\
Miss PRISM
[Shaking her headJ] I do not think that
even I could produce any effect on a char-
69
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT II. acter that according to his own brother's
admission is irretrievably weak and vacillat-
ing. Indeed I am not sure that I would
desire to reclaim him. I am not in favour
of this modern mania for turning bad
people into good people at a moment's
notice. As a man sows so let him reap.
You must put away your diary, Cecily. I
really don't see why you should keep a
diary at all.
CECILY
I keep a diary in order to enter the
wonderful secrets of my life. If I didn't
write them down, I should probably forget
all about them.
Miss PRISM
Memory, my dear Cecily, is the diary
that we all carry about with us.
CECILY
Yes, but it usually chronicles the things
that have never happened, and couldn't
possibly have happened. I believe that
Memory is responsible for nearly all the
three- volume novels that Mudie sends u&
70
BEING EARNEST
MISS PRISM ACT II,
Do not speak slightingly of the three-
volume novel, Cecily. I wrote one myself
in earlier days.
CECILY
Did you really, Miss Prism ? How
wonderfully clever you are I I hope it did
not end liappily ? I don't like novels that
end happily. They depress me so much.
MISS PRISM
The good ended happily, and the bad
unhappily. That is what Fiction means.
CECILY
I suppose so. But it seems very unfair.
And was your novel ever published ?
Miss PRISM
Alas! no. The manuscript unfortunately
was abandoned. [Cecily startsJ] I use
the word in the sense of lost or mislaid.
To your work, child, these speculations
are profitless.
CECILY
[Smiling,'] But I see dear Dr. Chasuble
coming up through the garden.
71
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT IL MISS PRISM
[Rising and advancing.'] Dr. Chasuble !
This is indeed a pleasure.
[Enter canon chasuble.]
CHASUBLE
And how are we this morning? Miss
Prism, you are, I trust, well ?
CECILY
Miss Prism has just been complaining
of a slight headache. I think it would do
her so much good to have a short stroll
with you in the Park, Dr. Chasuble.
MISS PRISM
Cecily, I have not mentioned anything
about a headache.
CECILY
No, dear Miss Prism, I know that, but
I felt instinctively that you had a head-
ache. Indeed I was thinking about that,
and not about my German lesson, when
the Rector came in.
CHASUBLE
I hope, Cecily, you are not inattentive.
n
BEING EARNEST
CECILY ACT a
Oh, I am afraid I am.
CHASUBLE
That is strange. Were I fortunate
enough to be Miss Prism's pupil, I would
hang upon her lips, [miss prism glares.^
I spoke metaphorically. — My metaphor
was drawn from bees. Ahem I Mr.
Worthing, I suppose, has not returned
from town yet ?
MISS PRISM
We do not expect him till Monday
afternoon.
CHASUBLE
Ah yes, he usually likes to spend his
Sunday in London. He is not one of
those whose sole aim is enjoyment, as, by
all accounts, that unfortunate young man
his brother seems to be. But I must not
disturb Egeria and her pupil any longer.
MISS PRISM
Egeria ? My name is Laetitia, Doctor.
78
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACTIL CHASUBLE
[Bowing,'] A classical allusion merely,
drawn from the Pagan authors. I shall
see you both no doubt at Evensong ?
Miss PRISM
I think, dear Doctor, I will have a stroll
with you. I find I have a headache after
all, and a walk might do it good.
CHASUBLE
With pleasure. Miss Prism, with plea-
sure. We might go as far as the schools
and back.
MISS PRISM
That would be delightful. Cecily, you
will read your Political Economy in my
absence. The chapter on the Fall of the
Rupee you may omit. It is somewhat
too sensational. Even these metallic
problems have their melodramatic side.
[Goes down the garden with dr. chas-
uble.]
CECILY
[Picks Up books and throws them back on
74
BEING EARNEST
table.'] Horrid Political Economy 1 Hor- act il
rid Geography I Horrid, horrid German I
[^Enter merriman with a card on a salver^
MERRIMAN
Mr. Ernest Worthing has just driven
over from the station. He has brought
his luggage with him.
CECILY
\Takes the card and reads tt,"] *Mr.
Ernest Worthing, B. 4, The Albany, Yi.'
Uncle Jack's brother 1 Did you tell him
Mr. Worthing was in town ?
MERRIMAN
Yes, Miss. He seemed very much dis-
appointed. I mentioned that you and Miss
Prism were in the garden. He said he was
anxious to speak to you privately for a
moment.
CECILY
Ask Mr. Ernest Worthing to come here.
I suppose you had better talk to the house-
keeper about 9 room for him.
75
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT II. MEEEIIVIAN
Yes, Miss, [merhiman goes off."]
CECILY
I have never met any really wicked
person before. I feel rather frightened.
I am so afraid he will look just like every
one else.
\_Enter Algernon, very gay and debon-
natr.']
He does 1
ALGERNON
[Raising his kaL"] You are my little
cousin Cecily, I 'm sure.
CECILY
You are under some strange mistake. I
am not little. In fact, I believe I am more
than usually tall for my age. [Algernon
is rather taken aback,'] But I am your
cousin Cecily. You, I see from your card,
are Uncle Jack's brother, my cousin Ernest,
my wicked cousin Ernest.
ALGERNON
Oh! I am not really wicked at all,
76
BEING EARNEST
cousin Cecily. You mustn't think that I act ii.
am wicked.
CECILY
If you are not, then you have certainly
been deceiving us aU in a very inexcusable
manner. I hope you have not been leading
a double life, pretending to be wicked and
being really good all the time. That would
be hypocrisy.
ALGERNON
[Loo^s at her in amazement^ Oh I Of
course I have been rather reckless.
CECILY
I am glad to hear it,
ALGERNON
In fact, now you mention the subject, I
have been very bad in my own small way.
CECILY
I don't think you should be so proud of
that, though I am sure it must have been
very pleasant.
77
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACTIL ALGERNON
It is much pleasanter being here with
you.
CECILY
I can't understand how you are here at
all. Uncle Jack won't be back tiU Monday
afternoon.
ALGERNON
That is a great disappointment. I am
obliged to go up by the first train on
Monday morning. I have a business
appointment that I am anxious ... to
miss ?
CECILY
Couldn't you miss it anywhere but in
London ?
ALGERNON
No : the appointment is in London.
CECILY
Well, I know, of course, how important
it is not to keep a business engagement, if
one wants to retain any sense of the beauty
of life, but still I think you had better wait
78
BEING EARNEST
till Uncle Jack arrives. I know he wants ACT ii,
to speak to you about your emigrating.
ALGERNON
About my what ?
CECILY
Your emigrating. He has gone up to
buy your outfit.
ALGERNON
I certainly wouldn't let Jack buy my
outfit. He has no taste in neckties at alL
CECILY
I don't think you will require neckties.
Uncle Jack is sending you to Australia.
ALGERNON
Australia 1 I *d sooner die
CECILY
Well, he said at dinner on Wednesday
night, that you would have to choose be-
tween this world, the next world, and
AustraUa.
79
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACTIL ALGERNON
Oh, well ! The accounts I have received
of Australia and the next world, are not
particularly encouraging. This world is
good enough for me, cousin Cecily.
CECILY
Yes, but are you good enough for it?
ALGERNON
I 'm afraid I 'm not that. That is why I
want you to reform me. You might make
that your mission, if you don't mind, cousin
Cecily.
CECILY
I 'm afraid I Ve no time, this afternoon.
ALGERNON
Well, would you mind my reforming
myself this afternoon ?
CECILY
It is rather Quixotic of yoa But I
think you should try.
ALGERNON
I wilL I feel better already.
80
BEING EAUNEST
CECILY ACT 11
You are looking a little worse.
ALGERNON
That is because I am hungry
CECILY
How thoughtless of me. I should have
remembered that when one is going to lead
an entirely new life, one requires regular
and wholesome meals. Won't you come
in?
ALGERNON
Thank you. Might I have a buttonhole
first ? I never have any appetite unless I
have a buttonhole first.
CECILY
A Mardchal Niel ? [Puh up scissors^
ALGERNON
No, I 'd sooner have a pink rose.
CECILY
Why? {Cuts a flo'mr:\
F 81
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT II. AI.GERNON
Because you are like a pink rose. Cousin
Cecily.
CECILY
I don't think it can be right for you to
talk to me like that. Miss Prism never
says such things to me.
ALGERNON
Then Miss Prism is a short-sighted old
lady. [cECiLY puts the rose in his button-
hole^ You are the prettiest girl I ever saw.
CECILY
Miss Prism says that all good looks are
a snare.
ALGERNON
They are a snare that every sensible
man would like to be caught in.
CECILY
Oh, I don't think I would care to catch
a sensible man. I shouldn't know what to
talk to him about.
\They pass into the house. Miss prism
and DR. CHASUBLE return^
82
BEING EARNEST
MISS PRISM ACT IL
You are too much alone, dear Dr.
Chasuble. You should get married. A
misanthrope I can understand — a woman-
thrope, never 1
CHASUBLE
\_Witk a scholar's shudder.^ Believe me,
I do not deserve so neologistic a phrase.
The precept as well as the practice of the
Primitive Church was distinctly against
matrimony.
MISS PRISM
[Sententiotisly.'] That is obviously the
reason why the Primitive Church has not
lasted up to the present day. And you
do not seem to realise, dear Doctor, that
by persistently remaining single, a man
converts himself into a permanent public
temptation. Men should be more careful ;
this very celibacy leads weaker vessels
astray.
CHASUBLE
But is a man not equally attractive when
married ?
83
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT II. MISS PRISM
No married man is ever attractive except
to his wife.
CHASUBLE
And often, I Ve been told, not even to
her.
MISS PRISM
That depends on the intellectual sympa-
thies of the woman. Maturity can always
be depended on. Ripeness can be trusted.
Young women are green, [dr. chasuble
starts.'] I spoke horticulturally. My meta-
phor was drawn from fruits. But where is
Cecily ?
CHASUBLE
Perhaps she followed us to the schools.
[Enter jack slowly from the back of the
garden. He is dressed in the deepest mourn"
ingy with crape hatband and black gloves^
MISS PRISM
Mr. Worthing 1
CHASUBLE
Mr. Worthing ?
84
BEING EARNEST
MISS PRISM ACT 11
This is indeed a surprise. We did not
look for you till Jlonday afternoon.
JACK
\_SAaies miss prism's Aand in a tragic
manner J] I have returned sooner than I
expected. Dr. Chasuble, I hope you are
well?
CHASUBLE
Dear Mr. Worthing, I trust this garb
of woe does not betoken some terrible
calamity ?
JACK
My brother.
miss prism
More shameful debts and extravagance ?
chasuble
Still leading his life of pleasure ?
JACK
\Shaking his head^ Dead I
CHASUBLE
Your brother Ernest dead ?
85
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT II. JACK
Quite dead.
MISS PRISM
What a lesson for him I I trust he will
profit by it.
CHASUBLE
Mr. Worthing, I offer yoii my sincere
condolence. You have at least the consola-
tion of knowing that you were always the
most generous and forgiving of brothers.
JACK
Poor Ernest 1 He had many faults, but
it is a sad, sad blow.
CHASUBLE
Very sad indeed. Were you with him
at the end ?
JACK
No. He died abroad ; in Paris, in fact.
I had a telegram last night from the
manager of the Grand Hotel.
CHASUBLE
Was the cause of death mentioned ?
86
BEING EARNEST
JACK ACT II.
A severe chill, it seems.
MISS PRISM
As a man sows, so shall he reap.
CHASUBLE
\Raising his Aand,] Charity, dear Miss
Prism, charity I None of us are perfect.
I myself am peculiarly susceptible to
draughts. Will the interment take place
here?
JACK
No. He seems to have expressed a
desire to be buried in Paris ?
CHASUBLE
In Paris I [S/iakes his head,'] I fear that
hardly points to any very serious state of
mind at the last. You would no doubt
wish me to make some slight allusion to
this tragic domestic affliction next Sunday.
[jack presses his hand convulsively.'] My
sermon on the meaning of the manna in
the wilderness can be adapted to almost any
87
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT II. occasion^ joyful, or, as in the present case,
distressing. \^All si^^k.'] I have preached
it at harvest celebrations, christenings,
confirmations, on days of humiliation and
festal days. The last time I delivered it
was in the Cathedral, as a charity sermon
on behalf of the Society for the Prevention
of Discontent among the Upper Orders.
The Bishop, who was present, was much
struck by some of the analogies I drew,
JACK
Ahl that reminds me, you mentioned
christenings I think, Dr. Chasuble? I
suppose you know how to christen all
right? [dr. chasuble looks astounded^
I mean, of course, you are continually
christening, aren't you ?
MISS PRISM
It is, I regret to say, one of the Rector's
most constant duties in this parish. I
have often spoken to the poorer classes on
the subject. But they don't seem to know
what thrift is.
88
BEING EARNEST
CHASUBLE ACT IL
But is there any particular infant in
whom you are interested, Mr. Worthing?
Your brother was, I believe, unmarried,
was he not ?
JACK
Oh yes.
MISS PRISM
[^Bitterly.'] People who live entirely for
pleasure usually are.
JACK
But it is not for any child, dear Doctor.
I am very fond of children. No ! the fact
is, I would like to be christened myself,
this afternoon, if you have nothing better
to do.
CHASUBLE
But surely, Mr. Worthing, you have
been christened already ?
JACK
I don't remember anything about it
89
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT II. CHASUBLE
But have you any grave doubts on the
subject?
JACK
I certainly intend to have. Of course I
don't know if the thing would bother you
in any way, or if you think I am a little
too old now.
CHASUBLE
Not at all. The sprinkling, and, indeed,
the immersion of adults is a perfectly
canonical practice.
JACK
Immersion 1
CHASUBLE
You need have no apprehensions. Sprink-
ling is all that is necessary, or indeed I
think advisable. Our weather is so change-
able. At what hour would you wish the
ceremony performed ?
JACK
Oh, I might trot round about live if that
would suit you.
90
BEING EARNEST
CHASUBLE ACT IL
Perfectly, perfectly I In fact I have two
similar ceremonies to perform at that time.
A case of twins that occurred recently in
one of the outlying cottages on your own
estate. Poor Jenkins the carter, a most
hard-working man.
JACK
Oh I I don't see much fun in being
christened along with other babies. It
would be childish. Would half-past five
do?
CHASUBLE
Admirably I Admirably I [^Takes out
watch.'] And now, dear Mr. Worthing, I
will not intrude any longer into a house of
sorrow. I would merely beg you not to
be too much bowed down by grief. What
seem to us bitter trials are often blessings
in disguise.
MISS PIIISM
This seems to me a blessing of an ex-
tremely obvious kind.
[Enter cecily from the house.']
91
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT II. CECILY
Uncle Jackl Oh, I am pleased to see
you back. But what horrid clothes you
have got on 1 Do go and change them,
MISS PRISM
Cecily 1
CHASUBLE
My child 1 my child I [cecily goes
towards jack ; he kisses her brow in a
melancholy manner^
CECILY
What is the matter, Uncle Jack? Do
look happy I You look as if you had
toothache, and I have got such a surprise
for you. Who do you think is in the
dining-room ? Your brother i
JACK
Who?
CECILY
Your brother Ernest. He arrived about
half an hour ago.
92
BEING EARNEST
JACK ACT U
What nonsense I I haven't got a brother.
CECILY
Oh, don't say that. However badly he
may have behaved to you in the past he
is still yow brother. Yoii couldn't be so
heartless as to disown him. I '11 tell him
to come out. And you will shake hands
with him, won't you, Uncle Jack ?
[^Runs back into the house,']
CHASUBLE
These are very joj^ul tidings.
MISS PRISM
After we had all been resigned to his loss,
his sudden return seems to me peculiarly
distressing.
JACK
My brother is in the dining-room? I
don't know what it all means. I think it
is perfectly absurd,
{^Enter Algernon and cecily hand in
hand. They come slowly up to jack.]
98
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACTII, JACK
Good heavens I [Motions Algernon
away."]
ALGERNON
Brother John, I have come down from
town to tell you that I am very sorry for all
the trouble I have given you, and that I
intend to lead a better life in the future.
[jack glares at him and does not take his
hand,\
CECILY
Uncle Jack, you are not going to refuse
your own brother's hand ?
JACK
Nothing will induce me to take his hand.
I think his coming down here disgraceful.
He knows perfectly well why.
CECILY
Uncle Jack, do be nice. There is some
good in every one. Ernest has just been
telling me about his poor invalid friend
Mr. Bunbury whom he goes to visit so
often. And surely there, must be much
04
BEING EARNEST
good in one who is kind to an invalid, and ACT II.
leaves the pleasures of London to sit by a
bed of pain.
JACK
Oh 1 he has been talking about Bunbury,
has he ?
CECILY
Yes, he has told me all about poor Mr.
Bunbury, and his terrible state of health.
JACK
Bunbury I Well, I won't have him talk
to you about Bunbury or about anything
else. It is enough to drive one perfectly
frantic.
ALGERNON
Of course I admit that the faults were
all on my side. But I must say that I
think that Brother John's coldness to me
is peculiarly painful. I expected a more
enthusiastic welcome, especially consider-
ing it is the first time I have come here.
95
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT II. CECILY
Uncle Jack, if you don't shake hands
with Ernest I will never forgive you.
JACK
Never forgive me ?
CECILY
Never, never, never I
JACK
Well, this is the last time I shall ever
do it. [Shakes hands with Algernon and
glares."]
CHASUBLE
It 's pleasant, is it not, to see so perfect
a reconciliation ? I think we might leave
the two brothers together.
MISS PRISM
Cecily, you will come with us.
CECILY
Certainly, Miss Prism. My little task
of reconciliation is over.
96
BEING EARNEST
CHASUBLE ACT IL
You have done a beautiful action to-day,
dear child.
MISS PRISM
We must not be premature in our
judgments.
CECILY
I feel very happy. [ They all go off except
JACK and ALGERNON.]
JACK
You young scoundrel, Algy, you must
get out of this place as soon as possible.
I don't allow any Bunburying here.
\^Enter merriman.]
MERRIMAN
I have put Mr. Ernest's things in the
room next to yours, sir. I suppose that is
all right ?
JACK
What?
MERRIMAN
Mr. Ernest's luggage, sir. I have un-
G 97
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT II. packed it and put it in the room next to
your own.
JACK
His luggage ?
MERRIMAN
Yes, sir. Three portmanteaus, a dressing-
case, two hat-boxes, and a large luncheon-
basket.
ALGERNON
I am afraid I can't stay more than a
week this time.
JACK
Merriman, order the dog-cart at once.
Mr. Ernest has been suddenly called back
to town.
MERRIMAN
Yes, sir. \_Goes back into the housei\
ALGERNON
What a fearful liar you are, Jack. I
have not been called back to town at alL
JACK
Yes, you have.
98
BEING EARNEST
ALGERNON ACTIL
I haven't heard any one call me.
JACK
Your duty as a gentleman calls you
back.
ALGERNON
My duty as a gentleman has never in-
terfered with my pleasures in the smallest
degree.
JACK
I can quite understand that.
ALGERNON
Well, Cecily is a darling.
JACK
You are not to talk of Miss Cardew like
that. I don't like it.
ALGERNON
Well, I don't like your clothes. You
look perfectly ridiculous in them. Why
on earth don't you go up and change ? It
is perfectly childish to be in deep mourning
for a man who is actually staying for a
99
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACTII. whole week with you in your house as a
guest, I call it grotesque.
JACK
You are certainly not staying with me
for a whole week as a guest or anything
else. You have got to leave ... by the
four-five train.
ALGERNON
I certainly won't leave you so long as
you are in mourning. It would be most
unfriendly. If I were in mourning you
would stay with me, I suppose. I should
think it very unkind if you didn't.
JACK
Well, will you go if I change my
clothes ?
ALGERNON
Yes, if you are not too long. I never
saw anybody take so long to dress, and
with such little result.
JACK
Well, at any rate, that is better than
being always over-dressed as you are,
100
BEING EARNEST
ALGERNON ACT IL
If I am occasionally a little over-dressed,
I make up for it by being always immensely
over-educated.
JACK
Your vanity is ridiculous, your conduct
an outrage, and your presence in my garden
utterly absurd. However, you have got
to catch the four-five, and I hope you will
have a pleasant journey back to town.
This Bunburying, as you call it, has not
been a great success for you.
[^Goes into the house,']
ALGERNON
I think it has been a great success.
I'm in love with Cecily, and that is
everything.
[Enter CECiLY at the back of the garden.
She picks up the can and begins to water the
flower s,"]
But I must see her before I go, and make
arrangements for another Bunbury. Ah,
there she is.
101
THE IMPOllTANCE OF
ACT II. CECILY
Oh, I merely came back to water the
roses. I thought you were with Uncle
Jack.
ALGERNON
He 's gone to order the dog-cart for me.
CECILY
Oh, is he going to take you for a nice
drive ?
ALGERNON
He 's going to send me away.
CECILY
Then have we got to part ?
ALGERNON
I am afraid so. It's a very painful
parting.
CECILY
It is always painful to part from people
whom one has known for a very brief space
of time. The absence of old friends one
can endure with equanimity. But even
a momentary separation from any one to
102
BEING EARNEST
whom one has just been introduced is ACTii.
almost unbearable.
ALGERNON
Thank you.
[Enter merriman.]
MERRIMAN
The dog-cart is at the door, sir. [Alger-
non looks appealingly at cecily.]
CECILY
It can wait, Merriman . . . for . . . five
minutes.
MERRIMAN
Yes, Miss. \Exit merriman.]
ALGERNON
I hope, Cecily, I shall not offend you if
I state quite frankly and openly that you
seem to me to be in every way the visible
personification of absolute perfection.
CECILY
I think your frankness does you great
credit, Ernest. If you will allow me, I
103
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT II. will copy your remarks into my diary.
\_Goes over to table and begins writing in
diary."]
ALGERNON
Do you really keep a diary ? I 'd give
anything to look at it. May I ?
CECILY
Oh no. [Puts her hand over it,] You
see, it is simply a very young girl's record
of her own thoughts and impressions, and
consequently meant for publication. When
it appears in volume form I hope you will
order a copy. But pray, Ernest, don't
stop. I delight in taking down from dicta-
tion. I have reached ' absolute perfection.'
You can go on. I am quite ready for
more.
ALGERNON
\So7newhat taken aback.'] Ahem! Ahem I
CECILY
Oh, don't cough, Ernest. When one is
dictating one should speak fluently and not
104
BEING EARNEST
cough. Besides, I don't know how to spell ACT a
a cough. [ Writes as Algernon spea^s.J^
ALGERNON
\Speaking very rapidly^ Cecily, ever
since I first looked upon your wonderful
and incomparable beauty, I have dared to
love you wildly, passionately, devotedly,
hopelessly,
CECILY
I don't think that you should tell me
that you love me wildly, passionately,
devotedly, hopelessly. Hopelessly doesn't
seem to make much sense, does it I
ALGERNON
Cecily 1
\Enter merriman.]
MERRIMAN
The dog-cart is waiting, sir. '
ALGERNON
Tell it to come round next week, at the
same hour,
10:^
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT II. MERRIMAN
\_Looks at CECILY, who makes no signJ]
Yes, sir. [merriman retires^]
CECILY
Uncle Jack would be very much annoyed
if he knew you were staying on till next
week, at the same hour.
ALGERNON
Oh, I don't care about Jack. I don't
care for anybody in the whole world but
you. I love you, Cecily. You will marry
me, won't you ?
CECILY
You silly boy ! Of course. Why, we
have been engaged for the last three
months.
ALGERNON
For the last three months ?
CECILY
Yes, it will be exactly three months on
Thursday.
106
BEING EARNEST
ALGERNON ACT II.
But how did we become engaged ?
CECILY
Well, ever since dear Uncle Jack first
confessed to us that he had a younger
brother who was very wicked and bad, you
of course have formed the chief topic of
conversation between myself and Miss
Prism. And of course a man who is much
talked about is always very attractive.
One feels there must be something in him,
after all. I daresay it was foolish of me,
but I fell in love with you, Ernest.
ALGERNON
Darling 1 And when was the engage-
ment actually settled ?
CECILY
On the 14th of February last. Worn out
by your entire ignorance of my existence,
I determined to end the matter one way
or the other, and after a long struggle
with myself I accepted you under this dear
old tree here. The next day I bought this
107
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT II. little ring in your name, and this is the
little bangle with the true lovers' knot I
promised you always to wear.
ALGERNON
Did I give you this ? It 's very pretty,
isn't it ?
CECILY
Yes, you've wonderfully good taste,
Ernest. It 's the excuse I 've always given
for your leading such a bad life. And this
is the box in which I keep all your dear
letters. {^Kneels at table, opens box, and
produces letters tied up with blue ribbon^
ALGERNON
JMy letters 1 But, my own sweet Cecily,
I have never written you any letters.
CECILY
You need hardly remind me of that,
Ernest. I remember only too well that I
was forced to write your letters for you.
I wrote always three times a week, and
sometimes oftener.
108
BEING EARNEST
ALGERNON ACT II.
Oh, do let me read them, Cecily ?
CECILY
Oh, I couldn't possibly. They would
make you far too conceited. [Replaces
ioxJ] The three you wrote me after I had
broken off the engagement are so beautiful,
and so badly spelled, that even now I can
hardly read them without crying a little.
ALGERNON
But was our engagement ever broken
off?
CECILY
Of course it was. On the 22nd of last
March. You can see the entry if you hke.
[SAows diary,'] * To-day I broke off my
engagement with Ernest. I feel it is
better to do so. The weather still con-
tinues charming.'
ALGERNON
But why on earth did you break it off?
What had I done ? I had done nothing at
all. Cecily, I am very much hurt indeed
109
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT II. to hear you broke it off. Particularly when
the weather was so charming.
CECILY
It would hardly have been a reaUy
serious engagement if it hadn't been broken
off at least once. But I forgave you before
the week was out.
ALGERNON
\_Crosstn^ to her, and kneeling, '\ What a
perfect angel you are, Cecily.
CECILY
You dear romantic boy. \He kisses her,
she puts her fingers through his hair^ I
hope your hair curls naturally, does it ?
ALGERNON
Yes, darling, with a little help from
others.
CECILY
I am so glad.
ALGERNON
You 11 never break off our engagement
again, Cecily ?
110
BEING EARNEST
CECILY ACT II.
I don't think I could break it off now
that I have actually met you. Besides, of
course, there is the question of your name.
ALGERNON
Yes, of course. [NervouslyJ]
CECILY
You must not laugh at me, darling, but
it had always been a girlish dream of mine
to love some one whose name was Ernest.
[ALGERNON rtseSy CECILY also.^ There is
something in that name that seems to
inspire absolute confidence. I pity any
poor married woman whose husband is not
called Ernest.
ALGERNON
But, my dear child, do you mean to say
you could not love me if I had some other
name ?
CECILY
But what name ?
Ill
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT II. ALGERNON
Oh, any name you like — Algernon — for
instance . • •
CECILY
But I don't like the name of Algernon.
ALGERNON
Well, my own dear, sweet, loving little
darling, I really can't see why you should
object to the name of Algernon. It is not
at all a bad name. In fact, it is rather an
aristocratic name. Half of the chaps who
get into the Bankruptcy Court are called
Algernon. But seriously, Cecily . . •
[Moving to her] ... if my name was
Algy, couldn't you love me ?
CECILY
[^Rising.'] I might respect you, Ernest,
I might admire your character, but I fear
that I should not be able to give you my
undivided attention.
ALGERNON
Ahem I Cecily ! [^Picking up hat.'] Your
Rector here is, I suppose, thoroughly ex-
112
BEING EARNEST
perienced in the practice of all the rites ACTil,
and ceremonials of the Church ?
CECILY
Oh, yes. Dr. Chasuble is a most learned
man. He has never written a single book,
so you can imagine how much he knows,
ALGERNON
I must see him at once on a most impor-
tant christening — I mean on most important
business.
CECILY
OhI
ALGERNON
I shan't be away more than half an hour.
CECILY
Considering that we have been engaged
since February the 14th, and that I only
met you to-day for the first time. I think
it is rather hard that you should leave
me for so long a period as half an hour.
Couldn't you make it twenty minutes ?
H 118
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT II. ALGERNON
1 11 be back in no time.
\_Ktsses her and rushes down the garden^
CECILY
What an impetuous boy he is I I like
his hair so much. I must enter his proposal
in my diary.
[Enter merriman.]
MERRIMAN
A Miss Fairfax has just called to see
Mr. Worthing. On very important business,
Miss Fairfax states.
CECILY
Isn't Mr. Worthing in his library ?
MERRIMAN
Mr. Worthing went over in the direction
of the Rectory some time ago.
CECILY
Pray ask the lady to come out here ;
Mr. Worthing is sure to be back soon.
And you can bring tea.
114
BEING EARNEST
MERRIMAN ACT II.
Yes, Miss. [Goes out,']
CECILY
Miss Fairfax ! I suppose one of the many-
good elderly women who are associated with
Uncle Jack in some of his pliilanthropic
work in London. I don't quite lilvc women
who are interested in philanthropic work,
I think it is so forward of them.
[Enter merriman.]
MERRIMAN
Miss Fairfax.
[Enter Gwendolen.] [Exit ^ierriman."]
CECILY
[Advancing to meet her,'] Pray let me
introduce myself to you. My name is
Cecily Cardew.
GWENDOLEN
Cecily Cardew? [Moving to her and
shaking hafids,] What a very sweet name !
Something tells me that we are going to
be great friends. I like you already more
lis
•^'
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACTIL than I can say. My first impressions of
people are never wrong.
CECILY
How nice of you to like me so much
after we have known each othei such a
comparatively short time. Pray sit down.
GWENDOLEN
{Still standing up^ I may call you
Cecily, may I not ?
CECILY
With pleasure !
GWENDOLEN
And you will always call me Gwendolen,
won't you ?
CECILY
If you wish.
GWENDOLEN
Then that is all quite settled, is it not ?
CECILY
I hope so. \A pause. They bcih sit down
together^
116
BEING EARNEST
GWENDOLEN ACT IL
Perhaps this might be a favourable
opportunity for my mentioning who I am.
^ly father is Lord Bracknell. You have
never heard of papa, I suppose ?
CECILY
I don't think so.
G\VEND0LEN
Outside the family circle, papa, I am
glad to say, is entirely unknown. I think
that is quite as it should be. The home
seems to me to be the proper sphere for
the man. And certainly once a man
begins to neglect his domestic duties he
becomes painfully effeminate, does he not ?
And I don't like that. It makes men so
very attractive. Cecily, mamma, whose
views on education are remarkably strict,
has brought me up to be extremely short-
sighted ; it is part of her system ; so do
you mind my looking at you through my
glasses ?
117
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACTU. CECILY
Oh 1 not at all, Gwendolen. I am very
fond of being looked at.
GWENDOLEN
\After examining CECILY carefully through
a lorgnette, '\ You are here on a short visit,
I suppose.
CECILY
Oh no I I live here.
GWENDOLEN
\Severely^ Really? Your mother, no
doubt, or some female relative of advanced
years, resides here also ?
CECILY
Oh no 1 I have no mother, nor, in fact,
any relations.
GWENDOLEN
Indeed ?
CECILY
My dear guardian, with the assistance of
Miss Prism, has the arduous task of looking
after me.
118
BEING EARNEST
GWENDOLEN ACT II.
Your guardian ?
CECILY
Yes, I am Mr. Worthing's ward.
GWENDOLEN
Oh I It is strange he never mentioned
to me that he had a ward. How secretive
of him 1 He grows more interesting hourly.
I am not sure, however, that the news
inspires me with feelings of unmixed delight.
[^Rising and going to kerJ] I am very fond
of you, Cecily ; I have liked you ever since
I met you I But I am bound to state
that now that I know that you are Mr.
Worthing's ward, I cannot help expressing
a wish you were — well, just a little older
than you seem to be — and not quite so
very alluring in appearance. In fact, if I
may speak candidly
CECILY
Pray do! I think that whenever one
has anything unpleasant to say, one should
always be quite candid.
119
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT 11. GWENDOLEN
Well, to speak with perfect candour,
Cecily, I wish that you were fully forty-
two, and more than usually plain for your
age. Ernest has a strong upright nature.
He is the very soul of truth and honour.
Disloyalty would be as impossible to him
as deception. But even men of the noblest
possible moral character are extremely sus-
ceptible to the influence of the physical
charms of others. Modern, no less than
Ancient History, supplies us with many
most painful examples of what I refer to.
If it were not so, indeed. History would
be quite unreadable,
CECILY
I beg your pardon, Gwendolen, did you
say Ernest ?
GWENDOLEN
Yes.
CECILY
Oh, but it is not Mr. Ernest Worthing
120
BEING EARNEST
who is my guardian. It is his brother— his ACT u.
elder brother,
GWENDOLEN
[Sitting down again,"] Ernest never
mentioned to me that he had a brother.
CECILY
I am sorry to say they have not been on
good terms for a long time.
GWENDOLEN
Ahl that accounts for it. And now
that I think of it I have never heard any
man mention his brother. The subject
seems distasteful to most men. Cecily,
you have lifted a load from my mind. I
was growing almost anxious. It would
have been terrible if any cloud had come
across a friendship like ours, would it not ?
Of course you are quite, quite sure that it
is not Mr. Ernest Worthing who is your
guardian ?
CECILY
Quite sure. [A pause.'\ In fact, I am
^ing to be his.
121
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT II. GWENDOLEN
[^Inquiringly.'] I beg your pardon ?
CECILY
[Rather shy and confidingly,] Dearest
Gwendolen, there is no reason why I should
make a secret of it to you. Our little
county newspaper is sure to chronicle the
fact next week. Mr. Ernest Worthing
and I are engaged to be married.
GWENDOLEN
[Quite politely, rising,] My darling Cecily,
I think there must be some slight error.
Mr. Ernest Worthing is engaged to me.
The announcement will appear in the
Morning Post on Saturday at the latest.
CECILY
[ Very politely, rising^ I am afraid you
must be under some misconception. Ernest
proposed to me exactly ten minutes ago.
[Shows diary,]
GWENDOLEN
[Examines diary through her lorgnette
carefully^ It is certainly very curious^ for
122
BEING EARNEST
he asked me to be his wife yesterday after- act ii
noon at 5.30. If you would care to verify
the incident, pray do so. {Produces diary
of her own,'] I never travel without my
diary. One should always have something
sensational to read in the train. I am so
sorry, dear Cecily, if it is any disappoint-
ment to you, but I am afraid I have the
prior claim.
CECILY
It would distress me more than I can
tell you, dear Gwendolen, if it caused you
any mental or physical anguish, but I feel
bound to point out that since Ernest pro-
posed to you he clearly has changed his
mind.
GWENDOLEN
[Meditatively,] If the poor fellow has
been entrapped into any foolish promise I
shall consider it my duty to rescue him at
once, and with a firm hand.
CECILY
[ Thoughtfully and sadly, ] Whatever un-
123
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT II. fortunate entanglement my dear boy may
have got into, I will never reproach him
with it after we are married.
GWENDOLEN
Do you allude to me, Miss Cardew, as
an entanglement ? Yoij are presumptuous.
On an occasion of this kind it becomes
more than a moral duty to speak one's
mind. It becomes a pleasure.
CECILY
Do you suggest. Miss Fairfax, that I
entrapped Ernest into an engagement?
How dare you ? This is no time for
wearing the shallow mask of manners.
When I see a spade I call it a spade.
GWENDOLEN
[Satirically,'] I am glad to say that I
have never seen a spade. It is obvious
that our social spheres have been widely
different.
[Enter merriman, followed by the foot-
man. He carries a salver^ table clotky and
plate stand, cecily is about to retort. The
124
BEING EARNEST
presence of the servants exercises a restrain-- ACT u
ing influence^ under which both girls chafe ^
MERRIMAN
Shall I lay tea here as usual, Miss ?
CECILY
{Sternly^ in a calm voice,"] Yes, as usuaL
[merriman begins to clear table and lay
cloth, A long pause, cecily and Gwen-
dolen glare at each other ^
GWENDOLEN
Are there many interesting walks in the
vicinity. Miss Cardew ?
CECILY
Oh 1 yes ! a great many. From the top
of one of the hills quite close one can see
five counties.
GWENDOLEN
Five counties 1 I don't think I should
like that; I hate crowds.
CECILY
{Sweetly,] I suppose that is why you
live in town ? [Gwendolen bites her lip^
125
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT II. and beats her foot nervously with her
parasol^
GWENDOLEN
[Looking round,"] Quite a well-kept
garden this is, Miss Cardew.
CECILY
So glad you like it, Miss Fairfax.
GWENDOLEN
I had no idea there were any flowers in
the country.
CECILY
Oh, flowers are as common here, Miss
Fairfax, as people are in London.
GWENDOLEN
Personally I cannot understand how
anybody manages to exist in the country,
if anybody who is anybody does. The
country always bores me to death.
CECILY
Ah ! This is what the newspapers call
agricultural depression, is it not ? I believe
the aristocracy are suflering very much
126
BEING EARNEST
from it just at present. It is almost an ACTii.
epidemic amongst them, I have been told.
May I offer you some tea, Miss Fairfax ?
GWENDOLEN
[^Wit/i elaborate politeness.'] Thank you.
[^Aside.'] Detestable girll But I require
teal
CECILY
[Sweetly.'] Sugar ?
GWENDOLEN
[Superciliously P^ No, thank you. Sugar
is not fashionable any more, [cecily looks
angrily at her^ takes up the tongs and puts
four lumps of sugar into the cup.]
CECILY
[Severely.] Cake or bread and butter ?
gavendolen
[In a bored manner^ Bread and butter,
please. Cake is rarely seen at the best
houses nowadays.
127
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACTIL CECILY
[^Cu^s a very large slice of cake, and puts
it on the tray.'] Hand that to Miss Fairfax.
[MEimiMAN does so, and goes out with foot-
man. GWENDOLEN drinks the tea and makes
a grimace. Puts down cup at once, reaches
out her hand to the bread and butter, looks
at it, and finds it is cake. Rises in indigna-
tion^
GWENDOLEN
You have filled my tea with lumps of
sugar, and though I asked most distinctly
for bread and butter, you have given me
cake. I am known for the gentleness of
my disposition, and the extraordinary sweet-
ness of my nature, but I warn you, Miss
Cardew, you may go too far.
CECILY
\Rising^ To save my poor, innocent,
trusting boy from the machinations of any
other girl there are no lengths to which I
would not go.
128
BEING EARNEST
GWENDOLEN ACT IL
From the moment I saw you I distrusted
you. I felt that you were false and deceit-
ful. I am never deceived in such matters.
My first impressions of people are invari-
ably right,
CECILY
It seems to me, Miss Fairfax, that I am
trespassing on your valuable time. No
doubt you have many other calls of a
similar character to make in the neighbour-
hood.
\Enter jack.]
GWENDOLEN
[Catching sight of himJ] Ernest I My
own Ernest 1
JACK
Gwendolen 1 Darling 1 [Offers to kiss
her,']
GWENDOLEN
[Drawing back,"] A moment 1 May I
ask if you are engaged to be married to
this young lady ? [Points to cecily.]
I " 129
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT II. JACK
{^Laughing,'] To dear little Cecily 1 Of
course not 1 What could have put such
an idea into your pretty little head ?
GWENDOLEN
Thank you. You may I [^Offers her
cheeky
CECILY
\yery sweetly^ I knew there must be
some misunderstanding, Miss Fairfax. The
gentleman whose arm is at present round
your waist is my dear guardian, Mr. John
Worthing,
GWENDOLEN
I beg your pardon ?
CECILY
This is Uncle Jack.
GWENDOLEN
\Receding?^ Jack ! Oh !
[Enter Algernon.]
CECILY
Here is Ernest.
180
BEING EARNEST
ALGERNON ACT II.
[Goes straight over to cecily without
noticing any one e/se.'] My own lovel
\Offers to kiss her.']
CECILY
[Drawing backJ] A moment, Ernest 1
May I ask you — are you engaged to be
married to this young lady ?
ALGERNON
[Looking roundJ] To what young lady t
Good heavens 1 Gwendolen 1
CECILY
Yesl to good heavens, Gwendolen, I
mean to Gwendolen.
ALGERNON
[Laughing."] Of course not 1 What
could have put such an idea into your
pretty little head ?
CECILY
Thank you. [Presenting her cheek to be
kissed^ You may. [aigernon kisses h€r.]
181
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACTIL GWENDOLEN
I felt there was some slight error. Miss
Cardew. The gentleman who is now em-
bracing you is my cousin, Mr. Algernon
Moncrieff.
CECILY
{Breaking azuay from AiuGY.'Ei^o^,'] Alger-
non Moncrieff 1 Oh 1 {The ttvo girls move
towards each other and put their arms round
each other's tvaists as if for protection^]
CECILY
Are you called Algernon ?
ALGERNON
I cannot deny it.
CECILy
OhI
GWENDOLEN
Is your name really John ?
JACK
[Standing rather proudly^ I could deny
it if I liked. I could deny anything if I
182
BEING EARNEST
liked. But my name certainly is John. ACT II
It has been John for years.
CECILY
[To GWENDOLEN.] A gross deception
has been practised on both of us.
GWENDOLEN
My poor wounded Cecily I
CECILY
My sweet wronged Gwendolen I
GWENDOLEN
[Slowly and seriously !\ You will call me
sister, will you not ? [ They embrace, JACit
and ALGERNON groan and walk up and
downJ]
CECILY
[Rather brightly,'] There is just one
question I would like to be allowed to ask
my guardian.
GWENDOLEN
An admirable idea 1 Mr. Worthing, there
is just one question I would like to be
permitted to put to you. Where is your
183
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT II. brother Ernest? We are both engaged
to be married to your brother Ernest,
so it is a matter of some importance to
us to know where your brother Ernest is
at present.
JACK
[^Slowly and hesitatingly^ Gwendolen —
Cecily — it is very painful for me to be
forced to speak the truth. It is the first
time in my life that I have ever been re-
duced to such a painful position, and I am
really quite inexperienced in doing any-
thing of the kind. However, I will tell you
quite frankly that I have no brother Ernest.
I have no brother at all. I never had a
brother in my life, and I certainly have not
the smallest intention of ever having one
in the future.
CECILY
{Surprised^ No brother at all ?
JACK
\(Zheerily^ None 1
134
BEING EARNEST
GWENDOLEN ACT II.
[Severely,'] Had you never a brother of
any kind ?
JACK
[Pleasantly. ] Never. Not even of any
kind.
GWENDOLEN
1 am afraid it is quite clear, Cecily, that
neither of us is engaged to be married to
any one.
CECILY
It is not a very pleasant position for a
young girl suddenly to find herself in. Is
it?
GWENDOLEN
Let us go into the house. They will
hardly venture to come after us there.
CECILY
No, men are so cowardly, aren't they ?
[They retire into the house with scornful
loohs.]
185
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT II. JACK
This ghastly state of things is what you
call Bunburying, I suppose ?
ALGERNON
Yes, and a perfectly wonderful Bunbury
it is. The most wonderful Bunbury I have
ever had in my life.
JACK
Well, you Ve no right whatsoever to
Bunbury here.
ALGERNON
That is absurd. One has a right to
Bunbury anywhere one chooses. Every
serious Bunburyist knows that.
JACK
Serious Bunburyist 1 Good heavens !
ALGERNON
Well, one must be serious about some-
thing, if one wants to have any amusement
in life. I happen to be serious about
Bunburying. What on earth you are
serious about I haven't £[ot the remotest
BEING EARNEST
idea. About everything, I should fancy. ACTU.
You have such an absolutely trivial nature.
JACK
Well, the only small satisfaction I have
in the whole of this wretched business is
that your friend Bunbury is quite exploded.
You won't be able to run down to the
country quite so often as you used to do,
dear Algy. And a very good thing too.
ALGERNON
Your brother is a little off colour, isn't
he, dear Jack? You won't be able to
disappear to London quite so frequently
as your wicked custom was. And not a
bad thing either.
JACK
As for your conduct towards Miss
Cardew, I must say that your taking in a
sweet, simple, innocent girl like that is
quite inexcusable. To say nothing of the
fact that she is my ward.
ALGERNON
I can see no possible defence at all for
137
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT II. your deceiving a brilliant, clever, thoroughly
experienced young lady like Miss Fairfax.
To say nothing of the fact that she is my
cousin.
JACK
I wanted to be engaged to Gwendolen,
that is all. I love her.
ALGERNON
Well, I simply wanted to be engaged to
Cecily. I adore her.
JACK
There is certainly no chance of your
marrying Miss Cardew.
ALGERNON
I don't think there is much likelihood,
Jack, of you "nd Miss Fairfax being
united.
JACK
Well, that is no business of yours.
ALGERNON
If it was my business, I wouldn't talk
about it. [Begins to eat mujffinsJ\ It is
188
BEING EARNEST
very vulgar to talk about one's business. ACTII.
Only people like stockbrokers do that,
and then merely at dinner parties.
JACK
How can you sit there, calmly eating
muffins when we are in this horrible
trouble, I can't make out. You seem to
me to be perfectly heartless.
ALGERNON
Well, I can't cat muffins in an agitated
manner. The butter would probably get
on my cuffis. One should always eat
muffins quite calmly. It is the only way
to eat them.
JACK
I say it 's perfectly heartless your eating
muffins at all, under the circumstances.
ALGERNON
When I am in trouble, eating is the only
thing that consoles me. Indeed, when I
am in really great trouble, as any one who
knows me intimately will tell you, I refuse
everything except food and drink. At the
139
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT II. present moment I am eating muffins be-
cause I am unhappy. Besides, I am par-
ticularly fond of muffins. IRtstng;^
JACK
IJizsin^.l Well, that is no reason why
you should eat them all in that greedy
way, l^Takes muffins from Algernon.]
ALGERNON
\Offering tea-cake,^ I wish you would
have tea-cake instead. I don't like tea-
cake.
JACK
Good heavens ! I suppose a man may
eat his own muffins in his own garden.
ALGERNON
But you have just said it was perfectly
heartless to eat muffins.
JACK
I said it was perfectly heartless of you,
under the circumstances. That is a very
different thing.
140
BEING EARNEST
ALGERNON ACT II.
That may be. But the muffins are the
same. [He seizes the muffin-dish from
JACK.]
JACK
Algy, I wish to goodness you would go.
AI.GERNON
You can't possibly ask me to go without
having some dinner. It 's absurd. I never
go without my dinner. No one ever does,
except vegetarians and people like that.
Besides I have just made arrangements
with Dr. Chasuble to be christened at a
quarter to six under the name of Ernest.
JACK
My dear fellow, the sooner you give up
that nonsense the better. I made arrange-
ments this morning with Dr. Chasuble to
be christened myself at 5.30, and I naturally
will take the name of Ernest. Gwendolen
would wish it. We can't both be christened
Ernest. It's absurd. Besides, I have a
perfect right to be christened if I like.
141
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT II. There is no evidence at all that I ever have
been christened by anybody. I should
think it extremely probable I never was,
and so does Dr. Chasuble. It is entirely
different in your case. You have been
christened already,
ALGERNON
Yes, but I have not been christened for
years.
JACK
Yes, but you have been christened. That
is the important thing,
ALGERNON
Quite so. So I know my constitution
can stand it. If you are not quite sure
about your ever having been christened, I
must say I think it rather dangerous your
venturing on it now. It might make you
very unwell. You can hardly have for-
gotten that some one very closely connected
with you was very nearly carried off this
week in Paris by a severe chill.
142
BEING EARNEST
JACK ACT II.
Yes, but you said yourself that a severe
chill was not hereditary.
ALGERNON
It usen't to be, I know — but I daresay it
is now. Science is always making wonder-
ful improvements in things.
JACK
[Picking up the muffin-dish^ Oh, that is
nonsense ; you are always talking nonsense.
ALGERNON
Jack, you are at the muffins again I I
wish you wouldn't. There are only two
left. {Takes them,'] I told you I was
particularly fond of muffins.
JACK
But I hate tea-cake.
ALGERNON
Why on earth then do you allow tea-
cake to be served up for your guests?
What ideas you have of hospitality 1
148
IMPORTANCE OF BEING EARNEST
ACT II. JACK
Algernon 1 I have already told you to
go. 1 don't want you here. Why don't
you go 1
ALGERNON
I haven't quite finished my tea yet ! and
there is still one muffin left, [jack groans,
and sinks into a chair, algeknon still
continues eating.~\
Act Drop
144
THIRD ACT
THIRD ACT
SCENE
Morning-room at the Manor Home*
[GWENDOLEN and CECILY are at the
window, looking out into the garden?^
GWENDOLEN
The fact that they did not follow us at
once into the house, as any one else would
have done, seems to me to show that they
have some sense of shame left.
CECILY
They have been eating muffins. That
looks like repentance.
GWENDOLEN
\After a patise.'] They don't seem to
notice us at all. Couldn't you cough ?
CECILY
But I haven't got a cough.
147
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT III. GWENDOLEN
They 're looking at us. What effrontery I
CECILY
They're approaching. That's very for-
ward of them.
GWENDOLEN
Let US preserve a dignified silence.
CECILY
Certainly, It's the only thing to do
now.
[Enter jack followed by Algernon. They
whistle some dreadful popular air from a
British OperaJ\
GWENDOLEN
This dignified silence seems to produce
an unpleasant effect.
CECILY
A most distasteful one.
GWENDOLEN
But we will not be the first to speak.
CECILY
Certainly not.
148
BEING EARNEST
GWENDOLEN ACT III.
Mr. Worthing, I have something very
particular to ask you. Much depends on
your reply.
CECILY
Gwendolen, your common sense is in-
valuable. Mr. MoncriefF, kindly answer
me the following question. Why did you
pretend to be my guardian's brother ?
AI.GERNON
In order that I might have an opportunity
of meeting you.
CECILY
[To GWENDOLEN.] That certainly seems
a satisfactory explanation, does it not ?
GWENDOLEN
Yes, dear, if you can believe him.
CECILY
I don't. But that does not affect the
wonderful beauty of his answer.
14d
THE IMPORTANCE OF
A.CTIIL GWENDOLEN
True. In matters of grave importance,
style, not sincerity is the vital thing. Mr.
Worthing, what explanation can you offer
to me for pretending to have a brother?
Was it in order that you might have an
opportunity of coming up to town to see
me as often as possible ?
JACK
Can you doubt it, Miss Fairfax ?
GWENDOLEN
I have the gravest doubts upon the sub-
ject. But I intend to crush them. This
is not the moment for German scepticism.
[Moving to CECILY.] Their explanations
appear to be quite satisfactory, especially
Mr. Worthing's. That seems to me to
have the stamp of truth upon it.
CECILY
I am more than content with what Jlr.
Moncrieff said. His voice alone inspires
one with absolute credulity.
150
BEING EARNEST
GWENDOLEN ACT III
Then you think we should forgive them ?
CECILY
Yes. I mean no.
GWENDOLEN
True! I had forgotten. There are
principles at stake that one cannot sur-
render. Which of us should tell them?
The task is not a pleasant one.
CECILY
Could we not both speak at the same
time?
GWENDOLEN
An excellent idea! 1 nearly always
speak at the same time as other people. •
Will you take the time from me ?
CECILY
Certainly. [Gwendolen beats time with
uplifted finger, ]
GWENDOLEN and CECILY
\Speaking together?^ Your Christian
151
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT III. names are still an insuperable barrier.
That is all !
JACK and AT.GERNON
[Speaking together^ Our Christian
names 1 Is that all? But we are going
to be christened this afternoon.
GWENDOLEN
[ To JACK.] For my sake you are prepared
to do this terrible thing ?
JACK
I am.
CECILY
\To ALGERNON.] To plcase me you are
ready to face this fearful ordeal ?
ALGERNON
I am !
GWENDOLEN
How absurd to talk of the equality of
the sexes I Where questions of self-sacrifice
are concerned, men are infinitely beyond
us.
152
BEING EARNEST
JACK ACT IIL
We are. [Clasps hands with Algernon.]
CECILY
They have moments of physical courage
of which we women know absolutely
nothing.
GWENDOLEN
[7i? JACK.] Darling 1
ALGERNON
[ To CECILY.] Darling 1 [ They fall into
each other^s armsJ]
[Enter merriman. When he enters he
coughs loudly^ seeing the situationJ]
MERRIMAN
Ahem 1 Ahem ! Lady Bracknell '
JACK
Good heavens !
[Enter lady bracknell. The couples
separate in alarm. Exit merriman.]
I.ADY BRACKNELL
Gwendolen I What does this mean ?
153
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT III. GWENDOLEN
Merely that I am engaged to be married
to Mr. Worthing, mamma.
LADY BRACKNELL
Come here. Sit down. Sit down im-
mediately. Hesitation of any kind is a
sign of mental decay in the young, of
physical weakness in the old. \^Turns to
JACK.] Apprised, sir, of my daughter's
sudden flight by her trusty maid, whose
confidence I purchased by means of a small
coin, I followed her at once by a luggage
train. Her unhappy father is, I am glad
to say, under the impression that she is
attending a more than usually lengthy lec-
ture by the University Extension Scheme
on the Influence of a permanent income
on Thought. I do not propose to un-
deceive him. Indeed I have never unde-
ceived him on any question. I would
consider it wrong. But of course, you
will clearly understand that all communi-
cation between yourself and my daughter
must cease immediately from this moment.
154
BEING EARNEST
On this point, as indeed on all points^ I act ill
am firm.
JACK
I am engaged to be married to Gwen-
dolen, Lady Bracknell !
LADY BRACKNELL
You are nothing of the kind, sir. And
now, as regards Algernon 1 . . . Algernon I
ALGERNON
Yes, Aunt Augusta.
LADY BRACKNELL
May I ask if it is in this house that your
invalid friend Mr. Bunbury resides ?
ALGERNON
[^StatnmeringJ] Oh 1 No 1 Bunbury
doesn't live here. Bunbury is somewhere
else at present. In fact, Bunbury is dead.
iJiDY BRACKNELL
Deadl When did Mr. Bunbury diet
His death must have been extremely
sudden.
155
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT III. ALGERNON
[Atrt/y,'} Oh! I killed Bunbury this
afternoon. I mean poor Bunbury died
this afternoon.
LADY BRACKNELL
What did he die of?
ALGERNON
Bunbury ? Oh, he was quite exploded.
LADY BRACKNELL
Exploded 1 Was he the victim of a
revolutionary outrage? I was not aware
that Mr. Bunbury was interested in social
legislation. If so, he is well punished for
his morbidity.
ALGERNON
My dear Aunt Augusta, I mean he was
found out! The doctors found out that
Bunbury could not live, that is what I
mean — so Bunbury died,
LADY BRACKNEIJL.
He seems to have had great confidence
in the opinion of his physicians. I am
156
BEING EARNEST
glad, however, that he made up his mind act ill
at the last to some definite course of action,
and acted under proper medical advice.
And now that we have finally got rid of
this Mr. Bunbury, may I ask, ]Mr. Worth-
ing, who is that young person whose hand
my nephew Algernon is now holding in
what seems to me a peculiarly unnecessary
manner ?
JACK
That lady is Miss Cecily Cardew, my
ward, [lady bracknell bows coldly to
CECILY.]
ALGERNON
I am engaged to be married to Cecily,
Aunt Augusta.
LADY BRACKNELL
I beg your pardon ?
CECILY
Mr. Moncrieff and I are engaged to be
married. Lady Bracknell.
157
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT IIL LADY BRACKNELL
[^JVM a shiver y crossing to the sofa and
sitting down.'] I do not know whether
there is anything peculiarly exciting in the
air of this particular part of Hertfordshire,
but the number of engagements that go on
seems to me considerably above the proper
average that statistics have laid down for
our guidance. I think some preliminary
inquiry on my part would not be out of
place. Mr. Worthing, is Miss Cardew
at all connected with any of the larger
railway stations in London ? I merely
desire information. Until yesterday I
had no idea that there were any families
or persons whose origin was a Terminus.
[jack /oohs perfectly furious, but restrains
himself]
JACK
[/« a clear, cold voice,] Miss Cardew is
the grand-daughter of the late Mr. Thomas
Cardew of 149 Belgrave Square, S. W, ;
Gervase Park, Dorking, Surrey; and the
Sporran, Fifeshire, N.B.
158
BEING EARNEST
LADY BRACKNELL ACT IIL
That sounds not unsatisfactory. Three
addresses always inspire confidence, even
in tradesmen. But what proof have I of
their authenticity ?
JACK
I have carefully preserved the Court
Guides of the period. They are open to
your inspection, Lady Bracknell.
LADY BRACKNELL
\_Grtmly.'] I have known strange errors
in that publication.
JACK
Miss Cardew's family solicitors are Messrs.
Markby, Markby, and Markby.
LADY BRACKNELL
Markby, Markby, and Markby ? A firm
of the very highest position in their pro-
fession. Indeed I am told that one of the
Mr. Markby s is occasionally to be seen at
dimier parties. So far I am satisfied.
159
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT III. JACK
{Very irritably, '\ How extremely kind
of you, Lady Bracknell I I have also in
my possession, you will be pleased to hear,
certificates of Miss Cardew's birth, baptism,
whooping cough, registration, vaccination,
confirmation, and the measles ; both the
German and the English variety.
LADY BRACKNELL
Ah I A life crowded with incident, I
see ; though perhaps somewhat too exciting
for a young girl. I am not myself in
favour of premature experiences. \^Rises,
looks at her watckJ] Gwendolen I the time
approaches for our departure. We have
not a moment to lose. As a matter of
form, Mr. Worthing, I had better ask you
if Miss Cardew has any little fortune ?
JACK
Oh ! about a hundred and thirty thousand
pounds in the Funds. That is all. Good-
bye, Lady Bracknell. So pleased to have
seen you.
160
BEING EARNEST
LADY BRACKNELL ACT HL
[^Sitting down again,'] A moment, INIr.
Worthing. A hundred and thirty thousand
pounds I And in the Funds 1 Miss Cardew
seems to me a most attractive young lady,
now that I look at her. Few girls of the
present day have any really solid qualities,
any of the qualities that last, and improve
with time. We live, I regret to say, in an
age of surfaces. [Zb cecily.] Come over
here, dear, [cecily goes across.] Pretty
child I your dress is sadly simple, and your
hair seems almost as Nature might have
left it. But we can soon alter all that. A
thoroughly experienced French maid pro-
duces a really marvellous result in a very
brief space of time. I remember recom-
mending one to young Lady Lancing, and
after three months her own husband did
not know her.
JACK
And after six months nobody knew
her.
L 161
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT III. LADY BRACKNELL
\Glares at jack for a few moments. Then
bends, with a practised smile, to cecily.]
Kindly turn round, sweet child, [cecily
turns completely round.'\ No, the side
view is what I want, [cecily presents her
profile^ Yes, quite as I expected. There
are distinct social possibilities in your
profile. The two weak points in our age
are its want of principle and its want of
profile. The chin a little higher, dear.
Style largely depends on the way the chin
is worn. They are worn very high, just at
present. Algernon 1
ALGERNON
Yes, Aunt Augusta I
LADY BRACKNELL
There are distinct social possibilities in
Miss Cardew's profile.
ALGERNON
Cecily is the sweetest, dearest, prettiest
girl in the whole world. And I don't care
twopence about social possibilities.
16^
BEING EARNEST
LADY BRACKNELL ACT IIL
Never speak disrespectfully of Society,
Algernon. Only people who can't get into
it do that. [To cecily.] Dear child, of
course you know that Algernon has nothing
but his debts to depend upon. But I do
not approve of mercenary marriages. When
I married Lord Bracknell I had no fortune
of any kind. But I never dreamed for a
moment of allowing that to stand in my
way. Well, 1 suppose I must give my
consent.
ALGERNON
Thank you, Aunt Augusta.
LADY BRACKNELL
Cecily, you may kiss me I
CECILY
\_Ktssgs Aer,] Thank you, Lady Brack-
nell.
LADY BRACKNELL
You may also address me as Aunt
Augusta for the future.
168
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT III. CECILY
Thank you, Aunt Augusta.
LADY BRACKNELL
The marriage, I think, had better take
place quite soon.
ALGERNON
Thank you. Aunt Augusta.
CECILY
Thank you, Aunt Augusta.
LADY BRACKNELL
To speak frankly, I am not in favour of
long engagements. They give people the
opportunity of finding out each other's
character before marriage, which I think is
never advisable.
JACK
I beg your pardon for interrupting you,
Lady Bracknell, but this engagement is
quite out of the question. I am Miss
Cardew's guardian, and she cannot marry
without my consent until she comes of age.
That consent I absolutely decline to give,
164
BEING EARNEST
IJlDY BRACKNELL ACT III.
Upon what grounds may I ask ? Alger-
non is an extremely, I may almost say an
ostentatiously^ eligible young man. He
has nothing, but he looks everything.
What more can one desire ?
JACK
It "pains me very much to have to speak
frankly to you. Lady Bracknell, about your
nephew, but the fact is that I do not
approve at all of his moral character. I
suspect him of being untruthful. [Alger-
non and CECILY look at him in indignant
amazement^
LADY BRACKNELL
Untruthful! My nephew Algernon?
Impossible 1 He is an Oxonian.
JACK
I fear there can be no possible doubt
about the matter. This afternoon, during
my temporary absence in London on an
important question of romance, he obtained
admission to my house by means of the
165
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT III. false pretence of being my brother. Under
an assumed name he drank, I Ve just been
mformed by my butler, an entire pint bottle
of my Perrier-Jouet, Brut, '89 ; a wine I
was specially reserving for myself. Con-
tinuing liis disgraceful deception, he suc-
ceeded in the course of the afternoon in
alienating the affections of my only ward.
He subsequently stayed to tea, and de-
voured every single muffin. And what
makes his conduct all the more heartless
is, that he was perfectly well aware from
the first that I have no brother, that I
never had a brother, and that I don't intend
to have a brother, not even of any kind. I
distinctly told him so myself yesterday
afternoon.
LADY BRACKNELL
Aheml Mr. Worthing, after careful
consideration I have decided entirely to
overlook my nephew's conduct to you.
JACK
That is very generous of you, Lady
166
BEING EARNEST
Bracknell. My own decision, however, is ACTiii.
unalterable. I decline to give my consent.
LADY BRACKNELL
[To CECILY.] Come here, sweet child.
[cECiLY g-oes over,] How old are you,
dear?
CECILY
Well, I am really only eighteen, but I
always admit to twenty when I go to
evening parties.
LADY BRACKNELL
You are perfectly right in making some
slight alteration. Indeed, no woman should
ever be quite accurate about her age. It
looks so calculating. . . . [^/n a meditative
maimer.'] Eighteen, but admitting to
twenty at evening parties. Well, it will
not be very long before you are of age and
free from the restraints of tutelage. So
I don't think your guardian's consent is,
after all, a matter of any importance.
JACK
Pray excuse me, Lady Bracknell, for
167
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT III. interrupting you again, but it is only fair
to tell you that according to the terms of
her grandfather's will Miss Cardew does
not come legally of age till she is thirty-
five.
LADY BRACKNELL
That does not seem to me to be a
grave objection. Thirty-five is a very
attractive age. London society is full of
women of the very highest birth who have,
of their own free choice, remained thirty-
five for years. Lady Dumbleton is an
instance in point. To my own knowledge
she has been thirty-five ever since she
arrived at the age of forty, which was
many years ago now. I see no reason
why our dear Cecily should not be even
still more attractive at the age you mention
than she is at present. There will be a
large accumulation of property.
CECILY
Algy, could you wait for me till I was
thirty-five ?
168
BEING EARNEST
ALGERNON ACT IIL
Of course I could, Cecily. You know
I could.
CECILY
Yes, I felt it instinctively, but I couldn't
wait all that time. I hate waiting even
five minutes for anybody. It always makes
me rather cross. I am not punctual my-
self, I know, but I do like punctuality in
others, and waiting, even to be married, is
quite out of the question.
ALGERNON
Then what is to be done, Cecily ?
CECILY
I don't know, Mr. Moncrieff.
LADY BRACKNELL
My dear Mr. Worthing, as Miss Cardew
states positively that she cannot wait till
she is thirty-five — a remark which I am
bound to say seems to me to show a some-
what impatient nature — I would beg of
you to reconsider your decision.
169
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT lit JACK
But my dear Lady Bracknell, the matter
is entirely in your own hands. The moment
you consent to my marriage with Gwen-
dolen, I will most gladly allow your nephew
to form an alliance with my ward.
LADY BRACKNELL
[^Rising and drawing herself upj] You
must be quite aware that what you propose
is out of the question.
JACK
Then a passionate celibacy is all that any
of us can look forward to.
LADY BRACKNELL
That is not the destiny I propose for
Gwendolen. Algernon, of course, can
choose for himself. \_Pulls out her watchJ]
Come, dear; [Gwendolen rises] we have
already missed five, if not six, trains. To
miss any more might expose us to comment
on the platform.
[Enter dr. chasuble.]
170
BEING EARNEST
CHASUBLE ACT III.
Everything is quite ready for the christen-
ings.
LADY BRACKNELL
The christenings, sir 1 Is not that some-
what premature ?
CHASUBLE
[^Looking rather puzzled, and pointing to
JACK and ALGERNON.] Both these gentle-
men have expressed a desire for immediate
baptism.
LADY BRACKNELL
At their age? The idea is grotesque
and irreligious 1 Algernon, I forbid you
to be baptized. I will not hear of such
excesses. Lord Bracknell would be highly
displeased if he learned that that was the
way in which you wasted your time and
money.
CHASUBLE
Am I to understand then that there are
to be no christenings at all this afternoon ?
171
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT III. JACK
I don't think that, as things are now, it
would be of much practical value to either
of us, Dr. Chasuble.
CHASUBLE
I am grieved to hear such sentiments
from you, Mr. Worthing. They savour
of the heretical views of the Anabaptists,
views that I have completely refuted in
four of my unpublished sermons. How-
ever, as your present mood seems to be
one peculiarly secular, I will return to the
church at once. Indeed, I have just been
informed by the pew-opener that for the
last hour and a half Miss Prism has been
waiting for me in the vestry.
LADY BRACKNELL
lS^arlm£;'\ Miss Prism 1 Did I hear
you mention a Miss Prism ?
CHASUBLE
Yes, Lady Bracknell. I am on my way
to join her.
172
BEING EARNEST
LADY BRACKNELL ACT IIL
Pray allow me to detain you for a
moment. This matter may prove to be
one of vital importance to Lord Bracknell
and myself^ Is this Miss Prism a female
of repellent aspect, remotely connected
with education ?
CHASUBLE
\_Somewkat indignantly P^ She is the most
cultivated of ladies, and the very picture of
respectability.
LADY BRACKNELL
It is obviously the same person. May I
ask what position she holds in your house-
hold?
CHASUBLE
\Severely^ I am a celibate, madam.
JACK
{Interposing^ Miss Prism, Lady Brack-
nell, has been for the last three years Miss
Cardew's esteemed governess and valued
companion.
173
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT III. LADY BRACKNELL
In spite of what I hear of her, I must
see her at once. Let her be sent for.
CHASUBLE
\_Looking offJ\ She approaches; she is
nigh.
[Enter Miss prism hurriedly^
MISS PRISM
I was told you expected me in the
vestry, dear Canon. I have been waiting
for you there for an hour and three-
quarters. \Catches sight of lady brack-
Nell who has fixed her with a stony glare,
MISS PRISM grows pale and quails. She
looks anxiously round as if desirous to
escape, '\
LADY BRACKNELL
\In a severe^ judicial voice ^ Prism 1
[miss PRISM bows her head in shame, '\ Come
here. Prism ! [miss prism approaches in a
humble manner, '\ Prism I Where is that
baby? [General consternation, 7/5^ canon
starts back in horror. Algernon and jack
174
BEING EARNEST
pretend to be anxious to shield cecily and ACT iil
GWENDOLEN from hearing the details of a
terrible public scandaL"] Twenty-eight years
ago, Prism, you left Lord Brackneirs house,
Number 104, Upper Grosvenor Street, in
charge of a perambulator that contained a
baby of the male sex. You never returned.
A few weeks later, through the elaborate
investigations of the Metropolitan police,
the perambulator was discovered at mid-
night, standing by itself in a remote corner
of Bayswater. It contained the manuscript
of a three- volume novel of more than
usually revolting sentimentality. [miss
PRISM starts in involuntary indignation^
But the baby was not there ! Every one
looks at MISS PRISM.] Prism 1 Where is
that baby ? \A pause,'\
Miss PRISM
Lady Bracknell, I admit with shame that
I do not know. I only wish I did. The
plain facts of the case are these. On the
morning of the day you mention, a day
that is for ever branded on my memory,
175
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT III. I prepared as usual to take the baby out
in its perambulator. I had also with me
a somewhat old, but capacious hand-bag
in which I had intended to place the
manuscript of a work of fiction that I had
written during my few unoccupied hours.
In a moment of mental abstraction, for
which I never can forgive myself, I de-
posited the manuscript in the basinette,
and placed the baby in the hand-bag.
JACK
[^Who has been listening attentively,'] But
where did you deposit the hand-bag ?
Miss PRISM
Do not ask me, Mr. Worthing.
JACK
Miss Prism, this is a matter of no small
importance to me. I insist on knowing
where you deposited the hand-bag that
contained that infant.
Miss PRISM
I left it in the cloak-room of one of the
larger railway stations in London.
176
BEING EARNEST
JACK ACT IIL
What railway station ?
MISS PRISM
[Quite crushed.'] Victoria. The Brighton
line. \_Sinks into a chair.']
JACK
I must retire to my room for a moment.
Gwendolen, wait here for me.
GWENDOLEN
If you are not too long, I will wait here
for you all my life.
[Exit JACK in great excitement, '\
CHASUBLE
What do you think this means, Lady
Bracknell ?
LADY BRACKNELL
I dare not even suspect. Dr. Chasuble.
I need hardly tell you that in families of
high position strange coincidences are not
supposed to occur. They are hardly con-
sidered the thing.
[Noises heard overhead as if some one was
throwing trunks about. Every one looks upj]
M 17T
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACTUL CECILY
Uncle Jack seems strangely agitated.
CHASUBLE
Your guardian has a very emotional
nature.
LADY BRACKNELL
This noise is extremely unpleasant. It
sounds as if he was having an argument.
I dislike arguments of any kind. They are
always vulgar, and often convincing.
CHASUBLE
{Looking up.'\ It has stopped now. [ The
noise is redoubled^
LADY BRACKNELL
I wish he would arrive at some con-
clusion.
GWENDOLEN
This suspense is terrible. I hope it will
last.
{Enter jack with a hand-bag of black
leather in his hand.'\
178
BEING EARNEST
JACK
\_Rushing over to miss prism.] Is this
the hand-bag, Miss Prism ? Examine it
carefully before you speak. The happiness
of more than one life depends on your
answer.
MISS PRISM
[Calmly. '\ It seems to be mine. Yes,
here is the injury it received through the
upsetting of a Gower Street omnibus in
younger and happier days. Here is the
stain on the lining caused by the explosion
of a temperance beverage, an incident that
occurred at Leamington. And here, on
the lock, are my initials. I had forgotten
that in an extravagant mood I had had
them placed there. The bag is undoubtedly
mine. I am delighted to have it so un-
expectedly restored to me. It has been
a great inconvenience being without it all
these years.
JACK
\In a pathetic voue."] Miss Prism, more
179
ACT in
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT III. is restored to you than this hand-bag. I
was the baby you placed in it.
MISS PRISM
{^Amazed.'] You ?
JACK
[^Embracing her.'] Yes . . . mother!
MISS PRISM
S^Recoiling in indignant astonishment^
Mr. Worthing ! I am unmarried 1
JACK
Unmarried 1 I do not deny that is a
serious blow. But after all, who has the
right to cast a stone against one who has
suffered ? Cannot repentance wipe out an
ect of folly ? Why should there be one
law for men, and another for women ?
Mother, I forgive you. {Tries to embrace
her again.]
MISS PRISM
{Sti/l more indignaitt.] Mr. Worthing,
there is some error. {Pointing to lady
BRACKNELL.] There is the lady who can
tell you who you really are.
180
BEING EARNEST
JACK ACT la
{After a patcseJ] Lady Bracknell, I hate
to seem inquisitive, but would you kindly
inform me who I am ?
LADY BRACKNELL
I am afraid that the news I have to
give you will not altogether please you.
You are the son of my poor sister, Jlrs.
MoncriefF, and consequently Algernon's
elder brother.
JACK
Algy's elder brother I Then I have a
brother after all. I knew I had a brother 1
I always said I had a brother 1 Cecily, —
how could you have ever doubted that I
had a brother ? \_Seizes hold ^Algernon.]
Dr. Chasuble, my unfortunate brother.
Miss Prism, my unfortunate brother.
Gwendolen, my unfortunate brother.
Algy, you young scoundrel, you will have
to treat me with more respect in the
future. You have never behaved to me
like a brother in all your life.
181
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACTIIIr ALGERNON
Well, not till to-day, old boy, I admit.
I did my best, however, though I was out
of practice. [Shakes handsel
GWENDOLEN
[To JACK.] My own 1 But what own
are you? What is your Christian name,
now that you have become some one else ?
JACK
Good heavens 1 ... I had quite for-
gotten that point. Your decision on the
subject of my name is irrevocable, I
suppose ?
GWENDOLEN
I never change, except in my affections.
CECILY
What a noble nature you have, Gwen-
dolen !
JACK
Then the question had better be cleared
up at once. Aunt Augusta, a moment.
At the time when Miss Prism left me
182
BEING EARNEST
in the hand-bag, had I been christened actiil
already ?
LADY BRACKNELL
Every luxury that money could buy,
including christening, had been lavished
on you by your fonid and doting parents.
JACK
Then I was christened 1 That is settled.
Now, what name was I given ? Let me
know the worst.
LADY BRACKNELL
Being the eldest son you were naturally
christened after your father.
JACK
[^Irritably,'] Yes, but what was my
father's Christian name ?
LADY BRACKNELL
\_MedttativelyJ\ I cannot at the present
moment recall what the General's Christian
name was. But I have no doubt he had
one. He was eccentric, I admit. But
only in later years. And that was the
183
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT III. result of the Indian climate, and marriage,
and indigestion, and other things of that
kind.
JACK
Algy! Can't you recollect what our
father's Christian name was ?
ALGERNON
My dear boy, we were never even on
speaking terms. He died before I was a
year old.
JACK
His name would appear in the Army
Lists of the period, I suppose. Aunt
Augusta ?
LADY BRACKNELL
The General was essentially a man of
peace, except in his domestic life. But I
have no doubt his name would appear in
any military directory.
JACK
The Army Lists of the last forty years
are here. These delightful records should
184
BEING EARNEST
have been my constant study. [RusAes act hi.
to bookcase and tears the books out.'\ M.
Generals .... Mallam, Maxbohm, Magley,
what ghastly names they have — Markby,
Migsby, Mobbs, MoncriefFl Lieutenant
1840, Captain, Lieutenant-Colonel, Colonel,
General 1869, Christian names, Ernest
John. [Puts book very quietly down and
speaks quite calmly^ I always told you,
Gwendolen, my name was Ernest, didn't
I ? Well, it is Ernest after all. I mean
it naturally is Ernest.
LADY BRACKNELL
Yes, I remember now that the General
was called Ernest. I knew I had some
particular reason for disliking the name.
GWENDOLEN
Ernest I My own Ernest I I felt from
the first that you could have no other
name !
JACK
Gwendolen, it is a terrible thing for a
185
THE IMPORTANCE OF
ACT III. man to find out suddenly that all his life he
has been speaking nothing but the truth.
Can you forgive me ?
GWENDOLEN
I can. For I feel that you are sure to
change.
JACK
My own one 1
CHASUBLE
[To MISS PRISM.] Laetitial [Embraces
Aer.]
MISS PRISM
[Enthusiastically.'] Frederick ! At last 1
ALGERNON
Cecily I [Embraces herJ] At last !
JACK
Gwendolen 1 [Embraces herJ] At last !
LADY BRACKNELL
My nephew, you seem to be displaying
signs of triviality.
186
BEING EARNEST
JACK ACT m
On the contrary, Aunt Augusta, I 've
now realised for the first time in my life
the vital Importance of Being Earnest.
Tableau
CUKTAIN
187
THE COMPLETE WORKS
OF
OSCAR WILDE
LADY WINDER-
MERE'S FAN
IMPORTANCE OF
BEING EARNEST
VOL. VI
Date Due
All library items are subject to recall at any time.
JUL 1 2 2011
JAN z 8 m
Brigham Young University
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